I thought I was starting to feel better, then...

VyD81 · November 2013

On Saturday, DH and I had a small memorial for Raynor at the cemetery with just the two of us. Although it was cold and rainy and I cried a lot, it made me feel good that we were doing something special for our boy. On Sunday, we watch football with a friend and brought him to the special memorial plot dedicated for babies at the cemetery where we placed a small box with Raynor's booties and letters from us. His name is etch in the stone so everyone knows he existed.

Then today, I went to work and found a jar of jelly beans on my desk which was sweet since I love jelly beans. However, there was a sticker on the lid that says 'x baby shower, 11/2/13', I was thinking, is this some kind of cruel joke? It turned out, one of my employees brought candies from a shower she went to for me. I know it was a nice gesture, but doesn't it occur to her to take the sticker off. Then it just went down hill from there, I walked to the break room and had to hear two pregnant ladies talking about how big they're getting and still have a couple of months left. I would only have 5 weeks left if I was still pregnant

I've not cry in front of people at work and would only cry in the restroom if i do. I had to run to the nearest restroom, and sobbed.

Top it off, on my way home, my mom called. The conversation was ok, she talked about my nieces and nephews. Then all of a sudden, she asked "has it been a month since everything happened?" yelled back "what do you mean everything? Do you mean when I gave birth to my sleeping baby? Your grandson. It was over a month a go, on 9/25. You remember all the other grand kids birthday, why not my child? Just because he's not here, doesn't mean he never existed." I ended my call with her and hung up. My mom hasn't say much about my son other than "things happen for a reason". My family sweep things under the rug, so why even bring it up if she wasn't comfortable talking about it or know what to say. I have a large family, yet only 1 of my sister listen when I talk about my son. Just when I thought I'm beginning to feel better, I'm not, and now I'm an emotional wreck.

Sorry for the rant, thank you for letting me vent.

PiperS · November 2013

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I understand the lack of support from family. My family is the same way. The philosophy, has always been to focus on the positive, trust in God, and move on. However, it's not always possible to sweep your emotions under a rug and I'm realizing now that it's not healthy. Keep talking to your sister and the other supportive people. Your mom probably doesn't know how to deal with it and if she upsets you don't talk to her about it. You can always come here. Good luck.

jess123456 · November 2013

I am so sorry. People just don't get it and even those with the best intentions often are clueless. My family is also the kind to focus on the positive but sometimes being positive is just so impossible which they just can't seem to understand. Like Piper said, surround yourself with those who support you and continue to vent away. We are always here for you.

kz's_girlygirl · November 2013

I am so so sorry you have all those things to deal with right now!! My MIL came to visit a week after Jesse was born and didn't mention him the entire time. Didn't event acknowledge that I had given birth to her first grandchild. I was astonished. My mom on the other hand can't stop bringing him up and giving me pity eyes. The rest of my family is too afraid to bring him up, or just say things like "It wasn't meant to be" "He's in a better place" etc. because they don't want to upset me. Because they really have to remind me that my child is dead. ::eyeroll::

People just don't get it. But we do, and you have support here when you can't find it other places. You are making your way through the best you can, and it's a messy and painful process.

I will be thinking of you and Raynor, and sending you love and peace

diamante1181 · November 2013

People don't understand. My own family has not even called me since we lost Sophie and Gabriel, and they live downstairs from us. I'm so sorry that your mom doesn't seem to get it.

mingaling2 · November 2013

My mother won't even acknowledge Coraline by name. It's like they don't even count them as children. I am so sorry your family is like this, too. Please know you can come here to talk about any of this. We will honor your son and his life.

cawettig · November 2013

I am so sorry, I feel like no one in the family misses her or even acknowledges her as grandchild #2, I don't have any support from my family, my mother and fAther were not supportive when I lost Arianna so I refuse to talk to them. I wish people would mention her as their angel and recognize her as being part of the family. Hugs