How long...

KTZ17 · November 2013

will I mourn the early end to my pregnancy? In no way do I mean to compare it to pregnancy loss. I think all of us have felt cheated out of our pregnancies, though. I'm just wondering how long it took you to feel okay about it? I should just appreciate that DD is healthy, but I can't help but feel so sad that she was delivered so early. It's to the point where I keep bringing up with DH how my next pregnancy I want this and that to happen, even though I don't plan on getting pregnant again any time soon. I just want a do over.

[Deleted User] · November 2013

I'm 15 days post delivery and I know exactly what you are going through as I'm feeling very similar. The first week was super awful and I actually had belly envy. However, as my baby grows I'm more focused on that then myself and these strange feelings. I do find myself wishing and wondering how the third tri would have been and wishing DS didn't have to go through all the pain in the NICU and be in my belly instead. Such is not life though.

Missa_g · November 2013

19 months later I am still mourning, but its a different kind. I'm more at peace with it although I will never be happy about it. But that's okay. Grieve however you need to grieve.

Kelly_12 · November 2013

I guess since I made it to 33 weeks I don't feel this way at all.. Like I was a little bummed I had to leave work abruptly without saying goodbye, and didn't get the anticipation/waiting for labour.. But I don't have any sadness regarding the pregnancy part of going early. Is it just me?

Throw3ks · November 2013

@kelly_12 I agree with you. I only made it to 30 weeks and in only 11 weeks pp so maybe sometime it will hit me.
I think all people grieve in their own way.

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

Ds is almost 17 months and I still get envious. I also hope my next pregnancy will be different in a full term way. I barely ever felt ds kick because I had an anterior placenta and dh only felt him kick once or twice. That didn't seem fair. I also never got to have a real belly and I had a bunch of maternity clothes I never wore. Including the dress I got for my shower that still has tags on. Oh and I wasn't even pregnant for my shower (like many of you). All of those things make me envious. But my son is healthy and amazing and I wouldn't trade that for a moment of me feeling "normal". But yeah. It still hurts some days.

KTZ17 · November 2013

PhillyGal34 said:

Ds is almost 17 months and I still get envious. I also hope my next pregnancy will be different in a full term way. I barely ever felt ds kick because I had an anterior placenta and dh only felt him kick once or twice. That didn't seem fair. I also never got to have a real belly and I had a bunch of maternity clothes I never wore. Including the dress I got for my shower that still has tags on. Oh and I wasn't even pregnant for my shower (like many of you). All of those things make me envious. But my son is healthy and amazing and I wouldn't trade that for a moment of me feeling "normal". But yeah. It still hurts some days.

@phillygal34 I feel pathetic saying it but sometimes I get emotional when I see some of my maternity clothes with the tags still on them. I never wore the dress I bought for my shower, and we actually canceled the shower because DD was still in the NICU and I was too sad to go without my pregnant belly. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one with these feelings.

andthatmakes4 · November 2013

I was with some friends tonight and they were talking about awful those last weeks of pregnancy. I'm 10 weeks from mine and I wanted to run away and cry.

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

Ktz- it's not pathetic. I wasn't upset because of the clothes. I was upset because of what they stood for. A pregnancy that ended before it should have. You are certainly not alone.

Gwapes- I also wanted to get pregnant immediately to do it right. Thankfully logic prevailed!

[Deleted User] · November 2013

I am 4 weeks PP and I just wanted to chime in that, at least for me, it has already gotten somewhat better. I don't cry every time I think about it, but I do still have an uncomfortable feeling when I think about what "should" be happening right now.

Yesterday was one month until my due date and I made a comment to DH, "in an alternate reality we would be freaking out about having a baby in one month." Then I went and cried for a little while but that was the first time in a few days.

DrRx · November 2013

My daughter was born 21 months ago and I still feel this, but not as much as I did at first. I don't think that there is a wrong or right amount of time to feel this way. I definitely still mourn it, but it doesn't instill the same emotion as it did before. It is something that I've come to accept and try not to ruminate in it. I never got to make it to my 3rd trimester, have a real shower, and still have maternity clothes with tags also.

This is definitely a common feeling to have, and it doesn't mean that you're not grateful for how well your LO is doing! You can feel happy and grateful about how your LO is doing and still mourn the loss of your pregnancy--they are not mutually exclusive. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they have no idea what they're talking about.

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