AP: easy or hard?

musicalmama5 · November 2013

Here's a topic to discuss:

Do you find AP to be easy or hard? Why? Do you do it because it's easy, or do you do it despite it being hard?

Emerald27 · November 2013

I think it's easy, because it's what comes naturally. It's also easy on our LO's, I think, to be considered equals and to have their needs respected and met with love. I think gentle discipline also makes more sense to LO's, i.e. Modeling the behavior you expect from them.

I also think it's easier on us mamas. Cosleeping helps nursing mamas get more sleep, babywearing keeps us hands free and gives us lots of snuggles, and everyone is less stressed when we follow baby's cues instead of trying to make them adhere to a mama-led, pre-configured schedule.

I am AP because I think it's the healthiest, most loving, natural, and rational way to parent. It's an awesome bonus that it seems like the easiest method too.

musicalmama5 · November 2013

I find AP to be mostly easy. Sometimes there are hard moments, but I'm fortunate enough to have a great support system so I never get burnt out.

BFing is easy (we were the lucky ones who never had any issues *knock on wood*), bedsharing is easy, carrying him in the Ergo is easy, giving him what he needs instead of listening to him cry is easy. All that said, I think I would still do it even if it were hard because I know it's the best thing for my DS!

@Emerald27 my life is so much easier now that I've realized that I need to follow DS instead of expecting him to follow me!

somewhereincali · November 2013

A mix. With twins a lot of it was hard to do even though it felt more natural/like the right thing

But waking up 8+ times a night to comfort two babies wasn't easy, I did that because I thought it was important to respond to them.

Mrs.AmyDylan · November 2013

I find AP very natural, but not always easy. However, I know traditional parenting would not be a better fit. it would break my heart to turn my back on my sweet baby that I longed for with all my heart. the sleep has been hard for us the last three or four months, even with bed-sharing.

I feel very connected to DD and I absolutely love her and love being with her. The BF was very, very hard. I'm also a bit of an introvert and I do find that being around someone all the time can be a bit hard (I'm not sure I expressed this very well, but I need quiet down time to function and when she takes a crappy nap I'm really struggling).

=Lee=B · November 2013

Hmm...good question. I think the answer is easy for the AP part, but hard for the parenting part. Parenting itself is not easy. It takes time and energy and you have to put them first.

I say this as we try to sooth our frantic 8month old after leaving her with a sitter for 1.5 hrs. The poor little thing is waking every 20min frantic...I think she's scared we are gone. The AP part here isn't difficult, we are there instantly when she wakes and one of us stays with her trying a variety of things to sooth her back to sleep. AP here is so much easier than CIO or anything else.

AP comes naturally to me/us. It is time consuming and at times draining in my sleep deprived state and I grumble and complain often in my sleep deprived state. But, I wouldn't have it any other way and the rewards from a happy, well adjusted baby make it all worth it.

JoJo716 · November 2013

I am still new to the game, but I find it easy. I love co-sleeping and as pp's have said, I feel like I have gotten extra sleep bedsharing and nursing. Also, I find that baby wearing is often easier than carting a stroller around because it is less hassle getting in and out of the car and crowds are easier to navigate. BF'ing was very difficult at first and I struggled with pain and the stress of feeding ds what seemed like all the time. However, now I feel like we have hit a stride. I also love the connection that these things reinforce between ds and I.

Meganequine · November 2013

I think it is easy and hard; depending on the day and time. But that would be true for any style of parenting.

BFing for me is hard- I didn't enjoy and couldn't wait to be done. I'm just being honest. Hoping it's different the 2nd time around.

I consider myself AP lite anyways. I don't like prescribing to a certain set of "rules" I do what works for me and my family.

*kendrick* · November 2013

Both! Going off my kids' cues is easy, but nursing every 2 hours for years on end is hard. Treating my kids gently rather than with a heavy hand is easy, but having the self-control to default to empathy and calm when you have a high-emotion 2.5 year old is hard. Doing most things as a family is easy (and fun) but feeling isolated from the way that most other families do it is hard.

kcisthebombdotcom · November 2013

Easy. I found it easier to snuggle up with a baby vs CIO; walking with a baby in a carrier vs lugging a stroller in a busy place; popping a boob in a baby's mouth while they lie next to me vs getting up, making a bottle and sitting in a rocker in their room; using peaceful parenting techniques vs yelling and getting angry with my child.

mb314 · November 2013

Before giving birth, I lurked on this board, and I thought most APers were crazy and making their lives harder. But once I had DS, I found myself following more of the AP techniques than I thought I would because it made life easier. Wearing DS came naturally to me. I still baby wear on walks because I can more easily walk the dog and carry the baby than walk the dog and have a stroller. We room shared until DS was 7 months, and then we began co-sleeping because it was what he and I needed in order for us to both sleep. I haven't sleep trained in the traditional sense because it seems like a lot of work. I'm still nursing beyond a year because it is easier for me than to wean, which seems really stressful.

ncbelle · November 2013

Parenting is hard

But for me AP is "easier" in that it doesn't force me to fight my natural instincts about how to parents. And bed sharing is a heck of a lot easier than getting out of bed multiple times a night

Jbosarge85 · November 2013

I think AP is easier. I was planning on doing the things AP supports before even knowing about AP. I think it's a natural thing, when people parent without doing AP it's because they have or are being told to do it differently and it's something they have to think about, IMHO. I'm a very "go with the flow" kind of person naturally though so it's nice being able to parent like that too. Following her cues.

skibunny59 · November 2013

ncbelle said:

Parenting is hard But for me AP is "easier" in that it doesn't force me to fight my natural instincts about how to parents. And bed sharing is a heck of a lot easier than getting out of bed multiple times a night

This exactly especially the bolded. We never ever planned to bedshare but we do it because it's easy. Also, I'm still nursing my 19 month old not only because I love it but also because it just seems easier to keep nursing her than to try weaning now.

ReeceFamily · November 2013

This is something I've been giving some thought to lately. For me, the day-to-day physical care aspects of AP are usually easy, or at least feel worthwhile. Every time a "I can't get my 2 week old to sleep through the night!" complaint comes up somewhere, I'm so grateful that we are bedsharing and that I can just roll with the sleeping punches with DD at the all-night-boob buffet. And I really enjoy the closeness of all of the typical things connected with AP - babywearing, nursing, cosleeping/bedsharing etc.

But to me, these aspects of AP (the one everyone seems to point to to say they are AP and that get so much airtime on these boards) are the easiest and will decrease in importance over time as DD gets older. The hard part for me is dealing with the emotional and mental aspects and overcoming the obstacles my OWN childhood. Learning how to avoid the dysfunction and disconnection that I experienced growing up takes a lot of dedication and effort. My parents took excellent physical care of me, and we were comfortable. But we were all very emotionally disconnected, and that is what I learned was "normal." But being truly connected and engaged I think is hard work (for most of us, if we are honest). I have to dig down and sift through my old emotional crap and learn to be truly present for DD and DH. Hard work that will probably take decades of growth and trial and error.

MJM3108 · November 2013

I think it's easy for the most part. I, too, do what feels natural to me, and following DS's cues is so much easier. I am lucky to be surrounded with people who basically parent/ have parented in the AP style, so I have a great support network.

I think AP will get more difficult as DS gets older, can express himself more, etc. I find it easy to give a baby everything they need, but as children- with their own ideas, opinions, and desires that can now be verbalized/ acted out- it will become more challenging. For me, I know I can have a bit of a temper, and my challenge will be always responding with love and gentleness, not anger. I also will have to get DH fully on board with no spanking (he's about 80% there) as DS gets older.

botanicalbliss · November 2013

Ditto what everyone else has said. I find it easy because it's what comes naturally. The hardest part is sticking up for AP when someone tries to tell you you're doing the whole parenting thing wrong.

NoeK · November 2013

For me AP makes parenting easier.

terri_doula2010 · November 2013

It's easy. I just do what comes naturally and that happens to be in line with AP.

I mean, parenting is hard, but AP is easy.

MommyPhoenix · November 2013

botanicalbliss said:
Ditto what everyone else has said. I find it easy because it's what comes naturally. The hardest part is sticking up for AP when someone tries to tell you you're doing the whole parenting thing wrong.

This exactly...but as other smart and supportive Mamas on here have told me (and as I keep reminding myself) it matters not what others think or say. At the end of the day, we all return to out own homes, our own lifestyles, our own environment - It's OUR parenting style. We know our own babies best!

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