How is your relationship with your SO since baby arrived?

averettgirl · November 2013

Mine is in the toilet. There is no intimacy. I haven't had my 6 week check up yet so there's been no sex, hardly any kissing, he barely even touches me. It's like we've stopped being husband and wife and we're just parents now. Don't get me wrong, he's great with our little girl but I wish he would remember that I need some affection too. Every time I try to talk about this he brushes me off, which just makes me feel like shit. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt because hes working two stressful jobs but its hard. Please tell me it gets better, I don't know what else to do or say. When did things get better between you and your husband, BF, etc after you had your baby?

ocnfish4 · November 2013

We are working on it. I should say 'I' am working on it. I was cleared for sex, but bc I just started the pill and have had a hard time getting into the rhythm of taking it at the same time each day, we've had to use condoms. He hates that, so it's not happening as often as I'd like. Conversations sill revolve around baby, even though I try to steer them. It's not easy yet, but I think we will hopefully be ok. E need a good date night out.

waterfall11 · November 2013

It gets better but it does take making an intentional effort. The first few months with DD1 were really rough. We needed time for the two of us but didn't have the energy. We also don't have local family and weren't comfortable with sitters so young. We ended up taking turns planning at home date nights for each other and this helped a lot. Dating Divas has some fun ideas on their website. Hang in there!

ravenclaw1 · November 2013

We're doing very well. We're lacking in the physical intimacy department (just had my 6 wk appt yesterday, so maybe soon). My H is very thoughtful, he calls us during the day just to say hi, we take walks together at night, he helps with Alice and all the house stuff, even though he works almost 12 hour days. I think we have a really good balance together.

DonnaMartinGraduates · November 2013

We are doing great- although it took three kids for us to get here. We barely made it through DS1's first year...even discussed getting a divorce right around the time he turned 1. But we stuck it out and tried to work on things and had our ups and downs. DS2 came along and I had PPD (undiagnosed/untreated for 7 months) so that did not make things easy on anyone. I also just left my job to be a SAHM which was very hard on me both physically and emotionally- had no idea how hard a job that would be with two kids! I had resolved myself to living in an unhappy marriage but then things eventually got better. I got pregnant with DS3 and things somehow changed- it's like DH finally "got it" or something and he became the husband I needed. I let go of all the resentment I was still carrying around (totally my issue, not his). After DS3 was born we somehow eased into this life of understanding and respecting each other. We get along more so now than we have in the past 5 years!

I can't tell you how happy I am that we aren't at each other's throats like we were in that first year with a baby. It sucks. It's sad and it's scary, but you will make it through! Sometimes we just need a little (or a lot of) time to figure out how to be a couple, a parent and ourselves all at the same time.

Hugs to all of you struggling! Hang in there!

averettgirl · November 2013

Thanks for all your input so far. At least I know ours isn't the only marriage having a rough transition so I don't feel so alone now. I knew our relationship would change after the baby but I didn't know it was going to be like this.

AppleMuffins · November 2013

Ours isn't great either. We aren't fighting or anything, but there is close to zero intimacy. I feel like we are living two separate lives rather than a shared one. Baby just takes so much attention. He works all day and I'm home with her, but then once he gets home I pass her off so I can do things like make dinner and shower. Usually one person is holding her and the other is doing some chore. He is usually sleeping before I get to come to bed because it's hard to get lo down for the night. We barely even get to eat dinner together. We rush through it or one person eats while the other holds baby. Even when we are on the couch watching TV together we don't really get to cuddle much since one of us will be holding lo. She usually wakes up when we put her down. I'm hoping we get past this soon. Dd was 6 weeks yesterday.

happybride 276 · November 2013

We are getting a lot better. At first we argued a lot. I was very frustrated with him and how he dealt with our son, and he was frustrated with me making him feel like I was always criticizing him. We got in a few serious arguments and finally got to the point where we realized we couldn't keep going on like we were. We have a few honest conversations and we both agreed that we needed to let things go in order to move forward. We still bicker at times and I roll my eyes behind his back at times, but we get along a lot better.

daynakako · November 2013

We are doing really well. Of course things have changed and we are getting used to a new normal, but I am so happy with how we are adjusting. We try to get away just the two of us once a week. Even if it is just for ice cream. We also try to go to dinner just the two of us every couple of weeks. My parents are wonderful about keeping Liam for us. Our sex life is slowly getting back to normal. We try really hard to remind each other of how much we love and appreciate one another.

happybride 276 · November 2013

andjess11 said:
I just wish my husband would be a more involved father. We're great and our relationship hasn't really changed. We've always been really close. But I just wish he wanted to be more involved with our son.
I know my husband loves our son. And as he gets older things will get better. Just since DS started smiling my H has wanted more interaction. But overall H doesn't help much without me asking. And I don't ask too often because I don't want to force it. It just makes me sad. We've talked about it and H apologizes, but it doesn't change the fact that he's just not into this baby stage. He plans out purchasing toys, outings, and activities for two years away. Meanwhile I do all the work now.

I have had the same concern/ complaint about my husband. A lot of men that I have talked to have said that they really can't connect with their children until they are able to interact with them. My husband told me he can't wait for our son to be 6 months old so LO could be more active. My friend told me that the infant stage is for moms and I agree. I love him at this age and I don't want him to grow up. Don't worry. I am sure your husband will get more involved. You just need to keep making and encouraging him to do so.

How is your relationship with your SO since baby arrived?

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