A confession of sorts and opinions needed...

Sunny B · November 2013

This is a bit shameful for me to admit, but I need to get it out there, and get some opinions.

I suffer from OCD. Before we were TTC, I was on medication that helped to keep it under control for the most part. When we began TTC, I went off of the medication. Month by month the behaviors got worse (hand washing, germaphobia, etc). I work in a school, which is essentially a petri dish. So cycling during cold and flu season, taking steroids that lower your immune system, and knowing that if you get a fever during stims you will be cancelled pushed me over the edge.

I was washing my hands until the bled. I was afraid to open jars of salsa or bags of chips and eat with my hands afterwards because the jars or bags were dirty. I ended up wearing latex gloves at work, taking more time off then I probably should have because of a co-worker than had a fever and stomach flu and I was terrified of getting it, and refusing to eat out at restaurants or any food that wasn't prepared by me for months. I also developed a bit of Agoraphobia and had anxiety leaving the house. I think I'll feel a little bit better now that the eggs are out of me, but I know that the anxiety of cycling really kicks up my OCD.

So now that you know all that-

Now that we are going to be doing a FET, we have the choice of when to do our transfer. My husband suggested today that we wait until my summer break, so that I can be less anxious, not worry about being around the kids and getting sick, etc. It's hard for me to think about waiting that long. I want to transfer now, but as that's not an option- I'm torn. Should I go forward with my FET in January (the soonest RE could do it- he shuts down in December) or wait until June? It's a hard decision. The idea of waiting longer than I have to feels like a weird choice to make, but I'm not sure. Really any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Thanks ladies.

princessisadora · November 2013

I was thinking the same thing @geordie314, in terms of being able to be on meds while you await transfer. I also agree this is a decision only you and your husband can make.

Is your RE aware of how anxious you are feeling?

Sunny B · November 2013

Thanks for the responses ladies.

The OCD has always been an issue, but has been much better over the months leading up to our cycle when I was going to the gym, etc. The anxiety during IVF just made it really boil over.

My RE doesn't know, but I'm thinking maybe I should share it with him when we discuss the FET.

O2girl · November 2013

@sunnyb
OCD is rough; and it's going to be rough regardless of when you do your transfer. I suffer from a moderate form of generalized anxiety disorder, while different from OCD, I can appreciate the anxiety that you suffer from and how IF causes an increase in anxiety. For me, I made the decision that I would taper off my meds and only take my Xanax during IF and pregnancy during acute anxiety attacks... It hasn't been easy as I can over think things and send myself into a panic just over all the IF crap let alone my general life; but I try to keep it in check by reminding myself that a) I don't have control over anything except for my reaction and b) I can take some things during pregnancy in moderation.

As for your OCD... Have you tried relaxation hypnosis? It helps me quite well with my anxious mind (I can even fall asleep at night using the tracks from an album I have). Also, please don't feel shamed because of the OCD.. Everyone suffers from some form of issue... And OCD is nothing to be ashamed of; I realize this is easier said then done; but you aren't alone. ((Hugs)) and HTH

Sunny B · November 2013

O2girl said:

@sunnyb OCD is rough; and it's going to be rough regardless of when you do your transfer. I suffer from a moderate form of generalized anxiety disorder, while different from OCD, I can appreciate the anxiety that you suffer from and how IF causes an increase in anxiety. For me, I made the decision that I would taper off my meds and only take my Xanax during IF and pregnancy during acute anxiety attacks... It hasn't been easy as I can over think things and send myself into a panic just over all the IF crap let alone my general life; but I try to keep it in check by reminding myself that a) I don't have control over anything except for my reaction and b) I can take some things during pregnancy in moderation. As for your OCD... Have you tried relaxation hypnosis? It helps me quite well with my anxious mind (I can even fall asleep at night using the tracks from an album I have). Also, please don't feel shamed because of the OCD.. Everyone suffers from some form of issue... And OCD is nothing to be ashamed of; I realize this is easier said then done; but you aren't alone. ((Hugs)) and HTH

@O2girl Thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry that you suffer with anxiety. It's so difficult. My hopes are that since my OCD is directly related germs, that not being exposed to as many will help me in some way. I don't know. It's all so exhausting. I haven't tried relaxation hypnosis, but I do meditations that my psychologist suggests. I will look into the hypnosis.

CameraBug131 · November 2013

Hi SunnyB,

I can somewhat understand where you are coming from - my husband has OCD as well. My thought is - do you think the OCD will also be in high gear during the pregnancy? As in anxiety about getting sick because of the baby, as well? If that's the case, maybe waiting until the summer, after cold and flu season, you will have a less stressful FET and first trimester! Just a thought...

ball.and.chain · November 2013

*ticker warning*

I would definitely talk to your RE about it and be clear about how anxious you've been. Is there something you can take during your FET that would help your OCD but is considered safe for pregnancy? I am on Prozac for depression and anxiety and it has been determined by my primary care physician, RE, psychologist and psychiatrist (who is a specialist in perinatal psychiatry at a top hospital) that it is safe for me to be on during pregnancy and that it is better for me to be on it. I know there are other meds that are considered safe.

If meds are not an option...maybe see how you are feeling in the next month or so before you decide? If your anxiety declines, maybe you'd be fine in January. If not, perhaps your husband knows best and the summer time would be better. Good luck!

Sunny B · November 2013

CameraBug131 said:

Hi SunnyB,
I can somewhat understand where you are coming from - my husband has OCD as well. My thought is - do you think the OCD will also be in high gear during the pregnancy? As in anxiety about getting sick because of the baby, as well? If that's the case, maybe waiting until the summer, after cold and flu season, you will have a less stressful FET and first trimester! Just a thought...

Is your husbands OCD the same type as mine? Germs? Washing? I'm sorry he's dealing with that. I don't have too much anxiety about getting sick because of the baby (I'd welcome it haha) but I do think waiting may be what's best. I'm giving myself some time.

Sunny B · November 2013

ball.and.chain said:

*ticker warning*

I would definitely talk to your RE about it and be clear about how anxious you've been. Is there something you can take during your FET that would help your OCD but is considered safe for pregnancy? I am on Prozac for depression and anxiety and it has been determined by my primary care physician, RE, psychologist and psychiatrist (who is a specialist in perinatal psychiatry at a top hospital) that it is safe for me to be on during pregnancy and that it is better for me to be on it. I know there are other meds that are considered safe.

If meds are not an option...maybe see how you are feeling in the next month or so before you decide? If your anxiety declines, maybe you'd be fine in January. If not, perhaps your husband knows best and the summer time would be better. Good luck!

Thanks so much. I will look a little deeper into some medications. It may be worth it to do some research. I'm so glad that you found something that worked for you!

cinnamonrollcupcake · November 2013

***Siggy warning***

Ugh, I feel for you and am so sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I would classify myself as having pretty severe anxiety as well as OCD (I am a germaphobe for sure - always have my hand sanitizer with me and can totally relate to what you're saying). And my anxiety kicked into high gear when I started IVF - so much so that I felt like I was going crazy and all I could think about was my anxiety. I am now taking something for it (approved by my doctor), which has definitely helped me.

Not that you necessarily want to go the medication route, but are there any medications that would be safe for you to take while cycling/pregnant? May be worth asking your doctor in order to give you some relief, since I know how much it can suck. Or have you thought about seeing a counselor that specializes in anxiety/OCD? Just some thoughts.

As far as when to do your FET, have you tried making a pro/con list? You should do what will be best for you, which I know is easier said than done to figure out. Give yourself some time to think about it.

I hope you feel better real soon and are able to make a decision you're comfortable with. (Hugs) to you!

Sunny B · November 2013

cinnamonrollcupcake said:

***Siggy warning***

Ugh, I feel for you and am so sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I would classify myself as having pretty severe anxiety as well as OCD (I am a germaphobe for sure - always have my hand sanitizer with me and can totally relate to what you're saying). And my anxiety kicked into high gear when I started IVF - so much so that I felt like I was going crazy and all I could think about was my anxiety. I am now taking something for it (approved by my doctor), which has definitely helped me.

Not that you necessarily want to go the medication route, but are there any medications that would be safe for you to take while cycling/pregnant? May be worth asking your doctor in order to give you some relief, since I know how much it can suck. Or have you thought about seeing a counselor that specializes in anxiety/OCD? Just some thoughts.

As far as when to do your FET, have you tried making a pro/con list? You should do what will be best for you, which I know is easier said than done to figure out. Give yourself some time to think about it.

I hope you feel better real soon and are able to make a decision you're comfortable with. (Hugs) to you!

Thanks so much for your response. I'm sorry that you dealt with so much anxiety. I do go to psychologist, but nothing was really helping. I think I'll have to talk to RE when I see him next about potential medication options. I'll also ask my OB when I go for my annual.

I think we will definitely do a pro/con list. That's a great idea.

And I was so happy to see your fab news

katekat8721 · November 2013

Don't feel ashamed! You are an amazing, strong woman and whether you do your FET now or later the end result will be the same... eventually you will be an amazing, strong mama

I have no experience with OCD, but I would suggest telling your RE your concerns and see what he says. Lay your cards out on the table and get his input. IVF takes so much out of you emotionally, physically, mentally and you truly have to be comfortable for this next step. Whatever you decide to do, you will be supported 100% here! xo

thebeefamily · November 2013

I'm glad you were able to share this with us. So many people hide their depression, anxiety, and OCD when most people around the world battle it on a daily basis. I have major depression with crippling anxiety attacks so I can sympathize with you. When I went to my first RE I was on an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant that they advised me to stop to my detriment. There are psychiatric drugs which are safe take during pregnancy that should also be safe during TTC. I would talk to your general practitioner and RE about possibly going on a low dose anti-depressant during your FET cycle just to give you some relief. Be open about your true feelings and let the doctors know how you're really feeling. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Jill Wheat · November 2013

This is a hard decision! It seems like waiting might make you feel more comfortable without your OCD med's & it will be easier to stay healthy after school ends.

Sunny B · November 2013

All your support has really touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so very much for all your advice and thoughts. I really appreciate it. We are giving ourselves some time to think about it, but in the mean time, I'm going to talk to my RE and doctors about some medication. Thank you again ladies!

becomingmommyagain · November 2013

Since you are doing FET, you have the option to some what plan your birth month. With your OCD and germ aversion, would a September baby or March baby be less stressful?

If you've been off your meds and feel the anxiety rising, maybe a break to get back to normal would be better? Can you do meds while pregnant? Or a support group?

Sunny B · November 2013

becomingmommyagain said:

Since you are doing FET, you have the option to some what plan your birth month. With your OCD and germ aversion, would a September baby or March baby be less stressful?

If you've been off your meds and feel the anxiety rising, maybe a break to get back to normal would be better? Can you do meds while pregnant? Or a support group?

Thanks so much for the reply. On the day to day basis, the OCD isn't so awful. It just got REALLY bad during our cycle. So, I'm afraid that it will increase during our FET as well. I'm heavily considering a June/July FET so that I can cycle outside of the school year. I think that I'll be talking to my doctor about some medication.

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