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KTdidit
member
Update to BD called, the GF called again and I answered (sorry, long)
KTdidit
member
Well BD's GF called this morning. I answered on the possibility that it was him. She started talking about how much BD missed DS and I just cut her off and asked where BD was. When she said he was there in the house I told her that if he wanted to talk to me about DS or discuss anything he could message me. She was trying to talk over me the whole time. Why she thought that she had any kind of upper hand in that conversation I have no idea.
About a half hour later I get a string of about 10 texts coming from BD saying "I know I've done a horrible thing by not keeping in touch". That he's been out of a job and telling me how much they've had to scrape together each month for rent (why does that matter to me?) He feels he is "unworthy of being DS's father". Asked if he could talk to DS without speakerphone (not possible, he's 3 and can't hold an iPhone properly) Then I got a whole string of (paraphrasing his words): "I've been a huge underachieving failure my whole life. You don't have to tell me that, I know what I am. You're succeeding, I'm not. You win and we both know that. Sorry it had to be me you had a son with. You'll never understand my point of view, just like I'll never understand yours"
I texted back and said "its more than a horrible thing you did. It's been three months since you've seen or talked to DS. You've basically chosen to ignore the fact that you have a son. And for no reason. No calls no nothing. So spare me the reasons/excuses. The fact that you haven't even called is inexcusable" He said he is scared of where he stands. Well no shit, who's damn fault is that? Certainly not mine. He said he misses DS and said he's sorry to him and me and DH. I told him he doesn't need to be sorry to me and DH, we aren't the ones who matter. He said "I hear you're gonna be a new mommy". At this point, based of the phrasing of most of the texts, I'm 95% sure that it's not him anymore, that I'm now talking to the GF. And my pregnancy doesn't need to be discussed, so I ignored it. I just told him that he could call to talk to DS. Guess who's phone DIDN'T ring all day?
There was no mention of wanting to see DS. No asking if we could work something out with transportation. Not even a call after he asked and I said yeah you can talk to him. So please someone tell me what the point of this all was?! He's all talk about missing DS but no action to actually see or talk to him! And I'm extremely tired of having to muddle through all the "poor me, look how awful my life is" bullshit. That isn't relevant to DS, it's just him trying to justify things and make himself feel better. So where do I go from here? Just wait until he calls or texts again? I seriously doubt that he will have the gas money or working car to come up here and pick DS, and I'm certainly not driving an hour and a half each way. So I suppose I probably don't have to be concerned about him actually wanting to get back on an EOWE schedule. Ugh, just irritated about the whole thing.
If you made it this far, thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update to BD called, the GF called again and I answered (sorry, long)
@sweetwalks My lawyer said there's no set amount of time, that DH can file to adopt DS at any point. The longer it goes with no contact from BD the easier the process will be. We were planning on waiting until at least 6 months have gone by. I have no idea where we stand with that now that he's called, even though he didn't talk to or see DS.
@coopsbaby He said that his GF called because he didn't know how to talk to me about this and "needed a mediator". But yes, it does seem like the GF has been instigating everything. And to be honest, I was in a store today for about an hour and didn't know that I didn't have any signal at all, so it is possible that he called during that time. But he didn't leave a message so I have no idea if he did. He texted during that time saying that if DS couldn't talk then he would call at 430-5, which he didn't do.
Not hearing from BD? its been 3 months - July 27th was the last day he saw or talked to BD. DS has been calling DH "D Daddy" (D is what he usually calls him). He mentioned BD about a week ago and called him by his first name. I didn't say anything about BD to DS today. I figured I would just let him know if BD actually called
I definitely agree you shouldn't mention it to him until BD actually calls. It's pretty obvious that he knows your DH is a father figure in his life & a prominite one at that. I'm glad it isn't negatively affecting him.
I'm sending BD & GF throat punches, ugh!
I have finally learned to just start letting stuff go. If BM comes around/calls, we follow the CO and that's it. If she doesn't, we never mention a word about her to SD but are gently honest with her if she asks, that way there is no broken heart if it can be helped. They dig their own graves, and the kids see it eventually. You get better at handling it, but it doesn't necessarily every get any less hurtful or irritating. The key is learning to have no expectations and to stick with that.
Ditto this! I would not bother contacting ex...it's his job. And unless you know it's him, don't waste your time. If he (?) texts "I am such a lowly piece of pond scum...." you reply "do you want to talk to DS?
He (or she) have no reason to text YOU. They must be getting some payoff out of it - whether it is putting up a charade of caring (her), or seeking ego strokes or sympathy (him). So cut them off and shut them down. Texts between you and ex/GF do nothing for your DS, and you don't need a texting buddy!