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Late Term and Child Loss
andichelle
member
the loss of our son
andichelle
member
Hello all, I am new to this forum and devastated to be here. We lost our son a week ago today. He was born at 20 weeks 1 day due to preterm labor and incompetent cervix. We have one son Brady who just turned 5 on Saturday. My labor with him was induced due to swelling and rising blood pressure. I was in active labor for 23 hours and then pushed for 3.5 hours. His head was extremely bruised from the pressure, and he was moving down before I was dilated completely. The doctors think this played a part in what happened to our second son. This pregnancy had been completely normal, hardly any morning sickness, i was tired but feeling great. I was having back pain for about a week, but it was constant not rhythmic and I was 19 weeks pregnant so I thought it was normal aches and pains. I told my midwife, and all she did was prescribe a pregnancy safe muscle relaxer. Last Thursday October 23rd I started to have worsening pain and some discharge so I called the nurse line. They told me to rest but to try to see my doctor. I called the doctors office and their soonest appointment was a month away. I left work and went home to rest. The next day I was feeling better, but the discharge increased so I left work and my husband took me to the OB screening room at the hospital. They did an exam and discovered that I was dilated. They admitted me immediately. We were moved upstairs where they did an ultrasound. Our baby was perfectly healthy but I was 4cm dilated. They told usthe only thing they could do was to try an emergency cerclage, but first they had to do an amniocentesis to make sure there wasn't an inction. We did the amnio, then they laid me with my head down and legs up to reduce the weight on the cervix. Then they told us we had to wait 48 hours for the results of the amnio cultures. I laid on my head and was on strict bedrest until Sunday night, the results should have been back by 8pm. The dr came in and told me they were too busy that night and they'd have an answer in the morning. All this time we were holding out hope they'd be able to do the cerclage. By midmorning onmonday I was so stressed out and feeling awful from being on my head for 3days. We asked to speak to the doctor so we could know what was going on. They came in and told us that the cultures didn't show any type of infection (and I'd been getting iv antibiotics every 6 hours since I got there) but that they'd forgotten to run some of the tests they needed, and now my bag of water was bulging past the cervix so there was nothing they could do. They thought I would go into labor within the week and our baby was too young to survive. I had been crying for 3 days straight but now I just couldn't stop. They gave us hope for 3 days and now they were saying our baby was going to die. We had the choice to wait it out or start the labor process. I have a husband and young child at home who needed me, and they gave our baby less than a 5% chance of making it to 24 weeks, and if he did then he was bound to have lifelong health issues. We didn't want that for our baby, and we didn't want him to suffer. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was decide to start the labor process. They put some pills around my cervix and my water broke 45 minutes later. I was told to sleep if I could, which I couldn't, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't stop crying. They gave me an ambien, which made me fall asleep for a few hours. I woke up in a ton of pain and knew something was happening. We called the nurses, and our son was born at 1:04 am. He was born sleeping, and weighed 13 3/4 oz and was 10.5" long. He was so tiny, precious and perfect. It breaks my heart the most because he was perfectly healthy. I feel that it was something I did wrong, even though the doctor said there is nothing we could have done. We named him Eli James. Eli means ascended to God, and James is my dad's name. I have never felt so much pain in my life, and I know it will take a long time for my husband and myself to accept that this was God's plan and be able to move forward. The nurses at the hospital were all very kind to us and gave us a baby box with a lot of things to remember our son. We got to hold him and spend time with him. He will be cremated and his ashes will be sprinkled in a cremation garden. They took photos of him that I will get at my 2 week follow up. This still doesn't feel real to me, but I knowthe greiving process will be lengthy. I'm sorry this is so long, but it helps to tell our story. Thank you for reading. Rest in peace sweet angel Eli James.
**Andrea - proud mommy of our amazing big guy Brady and our sweet angel baby Eli James, born sleeping 10.29.2013 at 20 weeks 1 day due to premature labor - rest in peace my love**
This discussion has been closed.
Re: the loss of our son
I am so sorry for the loss of youe sweet son Eli James. I hate that I have to welcome you to this board since no one really wants to be here but you are among friends we are all here for you when and if you need us.
Heather
Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Eli. As others said, you did nothing wrong. I know that may be hard to believe, but it's absolutely true. Please lean on us whenever you need to; we're all here for you. **hugs**
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your Eli. As others have said you did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong. We lost our daughter at 20w4d due to IC. I played all kinds of should've, could've, would've.
Terrible things happen and I am so sorry that this has happened to you and we are welcoming in here.
Big hugs and welcome to the board. We are here whenever you need us.
What you experienced in the days prior to giving birth sounds a lot like what I went through as well. My Dr. dismissed the pain and discharge I was having, and my water ended up breaking a few days later.
I hope you are able to find support here in the days and weeks ahead. I am sending lots of love and comfort your way
TTC since 2008
Dh:34, no issues. Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized. 2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!! 5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP! Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9 Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2 Beta 3 14dp5dt: 497 Please be our sticky rainbow baby!