Attachment Parenting

Intro and Sleep Question

FTM, I have been lurking here for awhile. DS is 5 months and 3 weeks. It appears that much of our parenting is in line with attachment parenting.

DS used to be a great sleeper. Sometimes STTN, but usually waking once to eat and occasionally twice. No problem.

Now he usually wakes every hour and it is not uncommon for him to be up for 1.5 hours in the middle of the night. He's fed and dry and just wants to play. I'll put him in his crib and he will goof around until he is tired and then will cry for me to nurse him. Then back up every hour.

I'm at a loss. I log everything and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to good sleep nights vs. bad. I've read No Cry Sleep Solution, which has some good tips but there is no way DS could survive on only two naps a day, no matter how long they are. Plus the book doesn't really address the lengthy night awakenings. I am deffinitely implementing some things from the book and only time will tell.

If you have made it this far, thank you! Any advice on our sleep situation would be greatly appreciated. Also, are there any other Non-CIO books that would be worth reading? I refuse to do CIO. It doesn't feel right. Plus I read a study on infants who were allowed to CIO and while they cried less by night 3, their Cortisol (stress horomone) levels were just as high as night one. I can only imagine the damage being done!

TIA!
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Re: Intro and Sleep Question

  • Like @Nicb13 said, making the house as unstimulating as possible, and trying to interact with him as little as possible (don't play or make much eye contact, hum quietly and shhhh while you change and nurse him), will help him remember that nighttime is for sleep.

    6 months is prime for developmental milestones. Babies learn to pass toys from hand to hand, sit up unassisted, and scoot around. These new skills are SO EXCITING that they want to practice and play when they wake. It's totally normal, but super exhausting for mama, which is why making the environment conducive of sleep and discouraging play can help him move out of this phase faster.

    My favorite sleep books (I'm actually not a fan of No Cry Sleep Solution) are Sweet Dreams, by Paul Fleiss, and Nighttime Parenting, by Dr. William Sears.

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0737304944
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0452281482

    You may find, too, that keeping DS in your room, and even within arms reach, makes nighttime wakings less of an exhausting chore for you. Many babies sleep better, too, when they are within sensory distance of their mothers, able to hear her breathe and rustle the sheets. :)

    Good luck!
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  • Thanks, it has been going on for about a month now. I appreciate you saying it may just be a phase because I am starting to feel like I have really done something wrong here.

    I need to work on a consistent plan. I hate to have any tears at all, but waking every hour is getting hard!
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  • @Shoecrazysarah Have you considered trying bedsharing? Bedsharing moms typically get more sleep, because they can nurse while they doze/sleep, and baby is so super close by and easy to attend to.

    Also, if it's been going on for some time, it may be more than just developmental...like a combination between that and teething.

    When DS wakes, does he always want to nurse? If not, you could try sending DH in every few wakings to rock him and try to help him fall back asleep.
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  • I'm so exhausted right now I really don't feel safe bedsharing. Although, I can't say I haven't considered it!

    DS used to be able to be rocked to sleep and he would even put himself back to sleep. Not anymore, he wants to nurse every time.

    He has been congested for a few days and I have a call into the doc. But since this has been going on for a month I don't know if that could be related at all.

    He does seem pretty gas sometimes, so maybe gas drops?

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  • Another thought: keeping the house cooler, but not too cold, and baby dressed warmly is better than keeping the house warmer and having baby lightly clothed. They sleep better and it's safer too.

    I know that with the change in season, DS has had some trouble sleeping, and for him it's particularly at naptime. Maybe that is contributing?

    It could be gas. Have you started him on solids? Sometimes babies don't tolerate whatever solids are first introduced well, and that can give them upset tummies.

    His age is so appropriate for this behavior, unfortunately. He's more aware of his world and wants to engage with it. Hopefully it really is a phase and you'll be out of it very very soon! Hang in there, mama!
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  • Good idea, I'll try to cool down house. We live in the Sw, so it is warm. I'm still running AC, but I'll set it lower. I had thought he could be too warm and so I dressed him more lightly but I didn't really stick with it too long.

    He has started rice cereal with BM, but that's it.

    Thanks for your help!
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  • If this has been going on for a month, I'm going to put my guess at the 4-month wakeful.  For us, that's exactly when it hit (5 months) and it took a good month-6 weeks to get back to normal once-a-nights. 

    The other things that may be playing into it -
    1) The congestion.  I know whenever my guy is sick, he wakes more often.  Whether that's because he coughs himself awake, or he has trouble breathing because of the congestion.
    2) Teething?  My son didn't get his first tooth until 10 months, but I know a lot of babes start earlier.  Whenever he's getting in a new one his sleep goes right down the toilet.
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  • When did you start the rice cereal? I might try not giving that to him for a few days to see if that makes him feel better. Maybe he's not quite ready for solids yet, and it's upsetting his tummy a bit.

    Signs of readiness to start solids that are recommended to all (except teeth) be met in advance of starting them are:

    Sitting up unassisted
    Loss of the tongue-thrust reflex
    Teeth (sometimes)
    Interest in and enthusiasm for solid foods
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  • Here's some information, too, about solid foods and baby sleep:
    https://kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/solids-sleep/
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  • Thank you so much for your feedback! I think I am going to go off the rice cereal for a few days and see. His sleep started getting bad about a week before we started rice cereal, but maybe it is exasperating a problem that would have passed.

    He is very, very eager about solids and doesn't have the tongue-thrust reflex. He can sit unassisted momentarily and longer if he uses his hands to support himself. Does unassisted mean unassisted by me or unassisted at all, even supporting himself?

    I'm curious about teething too. How can I tell? He doesn't seem to be drooling anymore then usual.
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  • @blu-eyedwife

    Are you the one who's LO is sensitive to caffeine? I think I recognize you from the BFing board. My DH is convinced it is caffeine related. I only have about 12 ounces in the AM, but I am super sensitive to caffeine. DH thinks LO may have inherited this from me. It seems odd that he wouldn't have had problems sooner, but I have gradually added caffeine back in since not having any while pregnant. So my intake is probably more consistent now.

    From my understanding, caffeine accumulates in your system and can take a bit to clear. The LLL website said to give it a week to see a difference. I'm on day 5 without my coffee, ugh!

    Any insight on this?
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  • Sitting unassisted means on his own, without being supported. The idea is that if he is physically mature enough to sit and bring food to his mouth with his own hand, he's physically ready to eat solids...sitting up is kind of nature's way of protecting you from choking, and oftentimes this skill comes along at the same time the digestive system matures enough to handle the solids well.

    Here's another great resource about starting solids:
    https://kellymom.com/category/nutrition/starting-solids/
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  • Sometimes teething can be difficult to notice in the moment. With DS, I'd always see the new tooth and be like "oh! That's why you were fussy, waking often, chewing on my hair!" :P

    Some babies drool more, and some get a rosy rash on their cheeks. Others get a fever. Some have a runny nose. Many teething babies chew on their fingers and toys. Fussiness, frequent waking, and frequent nursing are common too, when baby is teething.

    Sometimes you can see bumps or white/gray patches on baby's gums just before a tooth erupts, but teething can go on for months before visible signs of impending teeth appear.

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  • @blu-eyedwife Are you the one who's LO is sensitive to caffeine? I think I recognize you from the BFing board. My DH is convinced it is caffeine related. I only have about 12 ounces in the AM, but I am super sensitive to caffeine. DH thinks LO may have inherited this from me. It seems odd that he wouldn't have had problems sooner, but I have gradually added caffeine back in since not having any while pregnant. So my intake is probably more consistent now. From my understanding, caffeine accumulates in your system and can take a bit to clear. The LLL website said to give it a week to see a difference. I'm on day 5 without my coffee, ugh! Any insight on this?
    That is me, and I have definitely had nights that I blame on caffeine where he's up and ready to party like "oh it's 2AM?  We don't normally wake at that time?"  but it wasn't multiple wakeups, and the next night he was back to normal sleep.  And it only happened if I drank in the afternoon - which would keep me up too.
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  • @blu-eyedwife

    Are you the one who's LO is sensitive to caffeine? I think I recognize you from the BFing board. My DH is convinced it is caffeine related. I only have about 12 ounces in the AM, but I am super sensitive to caffeine. DH thinks LO may have inherited this from me. It seems odd that he wouldn't have had problems sooner, but I have gradually added caffeine back in since not having any while pregnant. So my intake is probably more consistent now.

    From my understanding, caffeine accumulates in your system and can take a bit to clear. The LLL website said to give it a week to see a difference. I'm on day 5 without my coffee, ugh!

    Any insight on this?

    That is me, and I have definitely had nights that I blame on caffeine where he's up and ready to party like "oh it's 2AM?  We don't normally wake at that time?"  but it wasn't multiple wakeups, and the next night he was back to normal sleep.  And it only happened if I drank in the afternoon - which would keep me up too.


    Got it, I'm really hoping it's not the coffee!
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  • Emerald27 said:

    Sometimes teething can be difficult to notice in the moment. With DS, I'd always see the new tooth and be like "oh! That's why you were fussy, waking often, chewing on my hair!" :P

    Some babies drool more, and some get a rosy rash on their cheeks. Others get a fever. Some have a runny nose. Many teething babies chew on their fingers and toys. Fussiness, frequent waking, and frequent nursing are common too, when baby is teething.

    Sometimes you can see bumps or white/gray patches on baby's gums just before a tooth erupts, but teething can go on for months before visible signs of impending teeth appear.

    Thanks for the info, sounds like it may just be a mystery!
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  • You have gotten a ton of good ideas and advice here! The only thing I will add is that if you feel comfortable bedsharing, I would recommend it because you may find that if you can pop a boob in his mouth real quick when you first hear/feel him rousing himself, he might not fully wake up and will thus stay asleep. Plus, you won't have to actually get up, which makes it so much easier for YOU to fall back asleep.

    I was hesitant about bedsharing when DS was teeny tiny, but once we got to the 4 month wakeful, it saved me!
  • You have gotten a ton of good, sound advice here. I will just add that if you make some of these changes, give them time to sink in and are still, after a few weeks, still having issues, we used Kim West's Good Night Sleep Tight book. It's not as AP-regimented as some mamas here would like, but it allowed us to (with some of our own modifications) do some gentle sleep training without CIO. We did not do it until about 7 months though. Just wanted to throw that out there in response to your original question.

    Definitely try some of the other environmental changes as others have suggested first.

  • JJ_13 said:

    You have gotten a ton of good, sound advice here. I will just add that if you make some of these changes, give them time to sink in and are still, after a few weeks, still having issues, we used Kim West's Good Night Sleep Tight book. It's not as AP-regimented as some mamas here would like, but it allowed us to (with some of our own modifications) do some gentle sleep training without CIO. We did not do it until about 7 months though. Just wanted to throw that out there in response to your original question.

    Definitely try some of the other environmental changes as others have suggested first.

    Thank you! If all else fails I will definitely look into that. I never expect to follow a book 100%, but rather just hopefully get some good ideas!
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  • No real advice to offer, but OP, just wanted to say that I am right there with you. It seems to be a combination of:
    - starting teething
    - getting over a cold (still has a little bit of a cough)
    - time change
    - 4 month wakeful
    - who knows what else

    but good lord, am I tired. Hang in there...
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