How do you guys do it?

JelseyB · November 2013

Hi there!

I'm sure you guys get this question all the time, but how to you make ends meet financially? I have one year old twin boys and I want to be a SAHM so badly. I currently work part time as a nurse on a busy floor and am often there from 6:30am-8:30 or 9pm. It's only two days a week so I know I can't really complain, but those days are loooooong. I drop the boys off at 6am and they are in bed by the time I get home. I just feel like I'm missing them grow up. Also my life has no rhyme or reason.

My husband and I sat down yesterday and we are just shy of making enough to have all of our needs covered. I'm planning on working contingent to keep my skills up, but won't be bringing in nearly when I do now.

Here's what we do now:

-shop at Costco and Aldi

-pack lunches

-have officially given up fast food (Oh my gosh I can't even admit what we were spending on it)

Here's what we are considering:

-cloth diapering (Would it be worth it? we go through about 12 diapers a day)

What tips do you ladies have for someone who is looking to take the plunge?

I'm really just looking for some encouragement!

Thanks in advance!

bumpuser8448316 · November 2013

How close are you to making it on one income? If you're a couple hundred short vs a few thousand that's a big difference. Start living on just your husband's salary for 6 months and bank all of your paychecks. If you can't make it without dipping into savings you'll have to cut back somewhere. Make sure you are still accounting for insurance, savings, retirement, gifts, prescriptions, doctor visits etc.

As far as cloth diapering, I broke even after about 4 months of CDing and am now diapering DD for free. So while there is an initial investment, there is also a huge savings.

pumpkinwife07 · November 2013

I agree - you have to have extra to spare. You just never know when something will come up and you will need the money. Maybe you could work the next few months and bank your pay checks? That way you'll be able to see if you can actually do it and you'll have a little more set aside if you decide to leave.

kcisthebombdotcom · November 2013

Working 2 14 hour days seems like a lot. Instead of quitting outright, could you maybe scale back--if its not at the hospital you currently work at maybe another? Maybe do two 6-8 hour days instead so you can be there for some time in the evening and bedtime. Or maybe you could work per diem and pick up a shift here and there so you have the extra money and a foot in the door at work?

penguingrrl · November 2013

I'll be perfectly honest. If you are earning enough that daycare is covered and you're concerned about making ends meet without your paycheck I wouldn't even consider leaving your job. It's going to cause stress you're not envisioning when a car breaks down or you want to take a vacation or something else unexpected happens.

One thought is that you could look for overnight hours. A friend of mine is a night nurse. She sends her kids to a sitter for part of the day after she works (her husband drops them off when he leaves, she picks them up around 2 after sleeping a few hours). She still has the afternoon with them and still has her career. She says it's the best of all worlds because she brings home a decent paycheck, gets more time with her kids than working traditional office hours and gets the intellectual fulfillment from working. In many ways I wish I were cut out for nursing because her situation is so ideal.

JelseyB · November 2013

We are about $300/ month short. Which is a lot. But DH just got a new job where he will be making salary plus commission and we didn't include the commission in our budget because we literally have no idea what to expect. he's never done a sales job before.

I'm planning on staying at my job through January and then going per diem so that will help get us through this weird transition time of his new job. We will try to live off his income during those couple months and use mine to pay off some debt. that will give us a little bit better idea of how it would be if I were to stay home

I actually never wanted to be a SAHM until I found that I'm really just not fulfilled at my job anymore. I literally run from room to room an a totally high stress environment for 12.5 hours and then have to stay after to chart. the idea kind of blossomed after that and after many long talks with dh and many prayers, we've decided it's just right for our family.

I really do appreciate all of the advice, however. thank you for the reality check. things will go wrong even though in my little vision, everything is perfect.

I admire all of you ladies!

penguingrrl · November 2013

JelseyB said:

We are about $300/ month short. Which is a lot. But DH just got a new job where he will be making salary plus commission and we didn't include the commission in our budget because we literally have no idea what to expect. he's never done a sales job before.
I'm planning on staying at my job through January and then going per diem so that will help get us through this weird transition time of his new job. We will try to live off his income during those couple months and use mine to pay off some debt. that will give us a little bit better idea of how it would be if I were to stay home
I actually never wanted to be a SAHM until I found that I'm really just not fulfilled at my job anymore. I literally run from room to room an a totally high stress environment for 12.5 hours and then have to stay after to chart. the idea kind of blossomed after that and after many long talks with dh and many prayers, we've decided it's just right for our family.
I really do appreciate all of the advice, however. thank you for the reality check. things will go wrong even though in my little vision, everything is perfect.
I admire all of you ladies!

It sounds less like you want to SAH and more like you need to find a different job honestly. I wouldn't want my solvency to be dependent upon commissions in an entirely new field honestly. I would look for a different nursing job and see what you can find.

Maybe SAH is in the cards in the future, but if your husband is in a new job and a new field I would be loath to make a permanent decision before he's settled in. I would, however, look for another job within your field so you enjoy work more!

kcisthebombdotcom · November 2013

JelseyB said:

We are about $300/ month short. Which is a lot. But DH just got a new job where he will be making salary plus commission and we didn't include the commission in our budget because we literally have no idea what to expect. he's never done a sales job before.
I'm planning on staying at my job through January and then going per diem so that will help get us through this weird transition time of his new job. We will try to live off his income during those couple months and use mine to pay off some debt. that will give us a little bit better idea of how it would be if I were to stay home
I actually never wanted to be a SAHM until I found that I'm really just not fulfilled at my job anymore. I literally run from room to room an a totally high stress environment for 12.5 hours and then have to stay after to chart. the idea kind of blossomed after that and after many long talks with dh and many prayers, we've decided it's just right for our family.
I really do appreciate all of the advice, however. thank you for the reality check. things will go wrong even though in my little vision, everything is perfect.
I admire all of you ladies!

It doesn't sound like right now is a good time to make the change. First, $300 short Of covering essential bills is a lot. You'll ideally want to have a few hundred extra for stuff like car maintenance, sick visit copays, birthday gifts, etc etc. also sales is incredibly risky especially since he doesn't have the background. Lots of people get fired because they don't sell enough. I'd give his new gig a good six months to make sure he succeeds and then make the change.

mrssmcd · November 2013

My neighbor is a nurse that works 2-12 hr shifts every week and I totally envy her schedule. She is still around most of the time and it seems like plenty of time to spend with her kids, but she also has a professional life. Every time I talk to her I wish I was a nurse!

JelseyB · November 2013

ok, thanks for the advice! and of course I don't just want to be a stay at home mom because I don't like my current job. you guys are a tough crowd. have a nice day

Louiej · November 2013

JelseyB said:

. you guys are a tough crowd. have a nice day

You didn't ask us to bullshit you...you asked us how we do it. The ladies took time to answer you nicely, and you got some really good advice. We're not a tough crowd...it's not us you have to convince.

sometimesalwayschaotic · November 2013

We cloth diaper and it saves a ton of money. I would think it would definitely save you money especially since you have 2 in cloth. You have to watch what types you buy though. A pre fold in a cover is the cheapest option. The best advice I have is to truly look at wants/needs. Can you cut out cable? Less fancy cell phone plan? There are a lot of things which are very nice luxuries that can be cut out. I would also look into Dave Ramsey and his envelope system. I can't imagine making it without doing some sort of cash based system. GL

JelseyB · November 2013

Sorry, I felt attacked I guess and that is my fault. Thanks you for your responses and time. It did kind of seem like I only wanted to be home because I didn't like my job, but that couldn't be further from the truth. the idea of it did sprout from that, but I was being honest when I said I don't want to miss my boys growing up and my mindset has completely turned around and I want to be a home maker.

The decision has already been made. I am going to be a stay at home mom as soon as I can, I was just asking for some encouragement. I admire moms who stay home and want to join the likes of them. Sorry for being a poop and thanks again!

JelseyB · November 2013

It's before and there are always hours to pick up at work. also I know that the Lord will provide for our needs.

Also my husband is experienced in his field he's just new to the sales aspect of it.

rn8 · November 2013

I am a lurker... but had to chime in b/c I am a nurse who works p-t and has twins as well (1.5yr). Also, I used to be in sales, so there's that. I have to say I think you received some pretty sound advice. Commission can be very unpredictable, the money can be great some months or quarters and can be bleak other times. I wouldn't count on it for my monthly budgeting, but more for things like vacations or fun $.

Regarding your nursing career, I would be so careful before leaving your part-time day shift job. It can take a long time on some units to get a day shift position. What if you quit for a few years and then wanted to go back? Would you be ok with working night shift? I work nights, and I like it because I don't have that full day stretch where I don't see the kids at all, but it's not for everyone. Also, those adorable little boys are only going to get more expensive. We'll be looking at preschool soon that'll cost $400/month easily. And yes, organic milk ain't cheap. We spend $70 on just milk per month for our twins.

I work at a very good hospital and we have been furloughing nurses for the past several months and I know other hospitals in my region are as well. Nursing jobs aren't as plentiful as they were a few years ago. Could you make a switch within your hospital? Maybe to a 7-3 position? I know it's hard... you are taking care of other people when you want to take care of YOUR people.

JelseyB · November 2013

thanks for that

Andrewsgal · November 2013

No The Lord will not put $300 a month in your checking account. He has provided for you by giving you a good job and skills to do that job. The Lord will provide is a cop out.

penguingrrl · November 2013

JelseyB said:

It's before and there are always hours to pick up at work. also I know that the Lord will provide for our needs.
Also my husband is experienced in his field he's just new to the sales aspect of it.

You made it sound like a new career, which was part of my hesitation. Remember we don't know any more about your situation than you posted in this one post, so we're not aware that when you said he hadn't been in sales that he was familiar with another aspect of the industry he would be selling in.

I feel the lord has provided by guiding you into a field that allows a lot of flexibility. Maybe look for a different nursing position rather than going down to just per diems given the current economy.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

I could really use about 5k for my kick ass Disney trip, wonder if The Lord will provide?

JelseyB · November 2013

Ok. I'm done defending myself. I've said thank you and thank you again for your replies.

Andrewsgal · November 2013

The people I know who claim The Lord always provides are constantly mooching off of others. WTH does my iPad capitalize The Lord?

notkateanymore · November 2013

JelseyB said:

It's before and there are always hours to pick up at work. also I know that the Lord will provide for our needs.
Also my husband is experienced in his field he's just new to the sales aspect of it.

The Lord provided you with a brain and decision making skills to take care of your family...please use both of those things quickly. It's two days a week...you aren't missing them grow up. Also, the Lord can't pay your gas bill or buy diapers at Target.

ArmyWife114 · November 2013

LalaMama81 said:

amy052006 said:

Granted, I never cloth diapered, and maybe it is me, but i would think by almost a year old, the ship has maybe sailed as far as that being a savings. As I understand it, the start up isn't cheap.

I think you'd still save b/c 1. it's twins and 2. you don't have to get expensive diapers. I bet she could even spend only a $100 and have enough depending on the kind and if she did laundry every other day.

I totally agree with lala, we just switched to cloth a month and a half or so ago, and we already feel a lot less burdened by the cost of diapers and we only have one kiddo (we were able to use our funny money in the budget to buy them, so we've already paid off the incurred cost of start-up).

kcisthebombdotcom · November 2013

Dude, if a 5k check comes in my mailbox from The Lord, I'm so going to convert to Christianity.

sschwege · November 2013

Since you are falling short, have you considered babysitting for another LO in your home? I don't know what the rates would be in your area, but you should definitely be able to cover the amount you are falling short on, plus be able to put money away each month.

SallyAnneS · November 2013

I Heart The 80s said:
I actually think your schedule sounds ideal. Two super long days and 5 home? I must be missing so something.

I am thinking this as well. And if you give up your job and take your kids out of daycare are you going to do something else to help them socialize? Won't they miss their daycare friends? You get 5 days off a week! Relax and enjoy them. And then enjoy the time without them And with other adults while you are at work.

sschwege · November 2013

letranger said:

Who would want to babysit five days a week instead of working two. I promise as a nurse you are making way more then babysitting.

To be honest, I would.

ordinary1 · November 2013

If you are $300/month short for bills, it isn't in the cards for you to be a SAHM. Sorry. Thank you for the comment about the Lord providing. It gave me a good laugh.

lightgetsin · November 2013

I know I am late to this post but I just wanted to add that if on paper you are $300 short, in reality it will be much more. On paper when I do our budget, we should have a ton left over but that is not the case. Stuff comes up.

sschwege · November 2013

LalaMama81 said:

sschwege said:

letranger said:

Who would want to babysit five days a week instead of working two. I promise as a nurse you are making way more then babysitting.

To be honest, I would.

No way. Babysitting would be my last resort if I needed money.

I do it and really enjoy it. I guess it just depends.

mrsrobinsontobe · November 2013

as someone who works pt in a professional field (teaching) and with a husband who works in sales, i say don't quit your day job! my husband does great -- but sales is just unpredictable! imagine the end of a tough quarter, the stress you and he will feel until he finally makes his numbers? not worth it. great pt jobs are so hard to come by. and now that the kids are in school, i'm not looking for a new teaching job like so many women i know who left to stay home! i do not envy them and i love that i can stick with part time and i didn't miss a beat, not in my career or with my kids! you've got a nice gig going there. stick with it!

How do you guys do it?

Re: How do you guys do it?

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