First of your friends TTC?

Jenck8431 · November 2013

Hi- Brand new to the bump and Boards! I just got married in August and we decided we wouldn't wait to long to start trying.

We are by far the first to even discuss babies amongst our friends, and it will probably be several years before they would reach that point in their lives.

Has anyone else run in to this, including a less than great reaction. I know change often isn't easy for most people to accept but it's hard not knowing anyone going through this exciting stage of life!

I love browsing the boards and seeing all the encouragement and support! I look forward to getting to know you ladies!

MamaBovs · November 2013

Not now (I'm currently TTC#3) but when we had #1 (and #2), our friends were nowhere near close to thinking about TTC. We got married young (22), so were way "ahead" of all our friends in that regard. They always joke that they're not going to have kids until my oldest (now 6) is old enough to babysit

Now that we're TTC #3, the first of our friends are finally starting to think about TTC. Crazy! It's tough, we are in a completely different mindset and lifestage than all of our friends, but we've been able to make it work. We can't go out all the time and sometimes miss out on things, but have been able to maintain our friendships.

Welcome to the board!

rjeller32 · November 2013

I was the first of my friends on the TTC boat, and it actually caused me to lose a few people that I thought were close to me. We just have very different lives. But, I also had my first at 18 (not planned), so I am pretty well adjusted, and have more friends that can either relate or are understanding.

I just look at it as a way for my kids to make money babysitting my friends kids one day

divinemsbee · November 2013

I'm in the opposite boat, actually. Both where I'm from (MS) and the culture in which H and I live now (he's in the military) a lot of people get married much younger than we did and have kids young. Most of my friends from school that are/were planning families are either done with kids or have completed their families at this point (I'm 29, 30 in two months, H is 26). Most people H works with that are having their first, the wives at least, are a good 5 years younger than I am. We started trying for #1 the day we got married a year ago.

People at his work, given our ages, thought we were already married when we were engaged and thought we must have already had kids. And, to tell the truth, if I had met H and we had the same relationship but met when I was 20 (unlikely) then I would have started trying to have kids a lot younger than this. But I'm happy I waited to meet him, I'll also be going through a different stage than others my age, I'll (hopefully) be dealing with diapers while they deal with Cub Scouts, but it's where we are.

I think as long as you guys feel as prepared as possible emotionally, financially, and otherwise, you can pretty much tell people, in a nice way, to take a long walk. And, as an older childless person whose best friend has three kids under 6, I get to be the best kind of aunt and godmother and it's awesome.

MrsMac613 · November 2013

We have a few friends that have toddlers. DH is turning 28 and I am 26 so we are at that stage where it seems like every time you log onto social media someone is engaged, had a wedding or is pregnant. I have only told my 2 best friends (one who is the mom of a 1 year old) because I knew that I would get a good reaction from them.

Welcome to the board and good luck on your TTC journey!

ap142193 · November 2013

DH and are just about the last of our friends to ttc, so I have no advice.

Gizmo36 · November 2013

Definitely the last.

My advice to you would be to not alienate your friends without children and dump them for only new friends with children. I had two close friends do this when I was in my mid-20s, and it really sucked. Just because I was at a different stage in my life (not partying stage - just focused on building my career and not a family), didn't mean I didn't want to hang out. I tried to stay connected to them, made it known that I was interested in going to the park, hanging out in the backyard, and doing things that they were doing with their new friends who had children, but I was excluded from their new club. I could see getting turned down if hitting the bars was my only objective, but that was something I had no interest in.

lmdonnel · November 2013

We're definitely the 1st TTC in our group of friends. We're really in a different place all together than most of our friends. All of us have been friends since basically elementary school and are all in relationships/married. But DH and I are just more financially and mentally ready than anyone else. I've only told my two closest girlfriends and they could not be more excited for us to be trying. On the other hand, we have a few so-called friends that don't know for sure we are TTC, but we've sort of started distancing ourselves from them. They are a few years younger, MUCH MORE immature and have actually come out and said "I feel bad for anyone in our group who gets pregnant right now! That would suck!" I'm starting to realize I should have distanced myself a long time ago.

God luck to you though and I hope you find the support you need right here and in your every day life!

TJD12 · November 2013

I have a couple of friends that are new moms, but we would be the first in DH's group of friends to have kids (I consider them my friends too, but I only know them through DH). We got married July 2012 and we've gotten some comments from both friends and family that they thought we would've had kids right away after getting married, so I don't think anyone would be too surprised or upset whenever we do get pregnant. I'm assuming most of our married friends will also start having kids in the next couple of years based on comments they've made and of course their pinterest boards

hullabalou · November 2013

I am the first of my friends to be married and actively TTC. Most of my friends are a few years older than me though and a couple have babies, but they are on the "get drunk it, it will happen" bandwagon so I don't discuss anything with them haha.

BeachLover2885 · November 2013

Some of my DH's friends have babies, but I'm the first (as far as I know) TTC out of my girlfriends. Two of my close friends got married before me, but due to their careers I think they are waiting to start trying. We are around babies a lot though, between DH's friends and my family. A LOT of my cousins have babies... it seems like there are babies born every few months on my mom's side of the family.

DiamondStardust · November 2013

We were the first to get married (I was 22, now I'm 28) but the last to TTC. We just weren't ready before and had goals we wanted to meet before kids... Mostly to be in a better financial spot and to have health insurance.

A good number of my friends have at least 1 kid, some 2, some working on 3. It seems like almost everyone I know is having kids.

jaytee16 · November 2013

Jenck8431 said:

Has anyone else run in to this, including a less than great reaction. I know change often isn't easy for most people to accept but it's hard not knowing anyone going through this exciting stage of life!

I have one friend with twin 1 year olds, that's it, so while it's possible we have friends that are TTC that I don't know about, I'm guessing not likely (many are still single). As for the bold, that hasn't been an issue because we really haven't told our friends, and I'm glad we didn't, 17 months later.... Good luck to you!

karacc18 · November 2013

My H and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to friends and TTC. I am 27 and the first of my group to have gotten married and want children at all. One of the girls that is kind of in our circle is due with her 1st in December, so i'm not the absolute first, but we aren't super close anymore. It is a bit of a struggle to find someone to relate to as we are struggeling (becuase they are all of the "don't think about it and it will happen" mentality).

My husband on the other hand is 45 and has two "grown" (i use that lightly as they still depend on us) children, 22 and 19. So most of his friends either have grown children or teenagers, so they think he is crazy for wanting to start all over again.

It's not the easiest, but thats why i love reading and participating in this board, to have women to relate to!

mamadomino · November 2013

We are one of the first to get married and as far as I know the first to TTC. A couple other friends are engaged and getting married soon. We're all 28ish, so apparently we're just slower than average!

tealowl · November 2013

I was one of the first, I got pregnant a few months after high school and had DD at 19. Most of my friends now have babies/young children, so I feel out of the loop sometimes with my 12 year old!

mmb248 · November 2013

We're definitely the last. I'm 33, DH is 38. All but one of my friends have kids and a couple of DH's friends have newborn grandchildren. Most of my friends' kids are in the 3-7 age range, so we're not too far behind them, and it's likely that our first child will be the same age as their youngest children.

I want to second what a PP said. Your childless friends still want to be your friend and hang out/talk to you occasionally. Don't assume that they'll be annoyed by your kid and leave them out.

hu11aba1oo2 · November 2013

Both DH and I are 33 and the last of our friends TTC, we currently know at least 10 people that have either just had a baby or are currently pregnant. Sometimes it makes the baby fever almost unbearable, I try not to let my own struggles (not struggling to get KU, just the struggle to wait until DH was ready) get in my way of truly being happy for my friends. On the plus side, I get the bonus of good advice (you're definitely going to need this, don't bother buying that, this really worked for us, etc) and left over baby stuff!

KatzKiss · November 2013

I'm 38 and none of my close friends have kids. Either they don't want kids or they have had problems TTC. I felt very lonely and isolated at times so I joined a play group. It was the best thing I've done since having DS. You just have be open to widening your social circle. I still have a great time with my old friends, but when I'm struggling with parenting stuff, I have people to go to.

Jenck8431 · November 2013

Thank you

Jenck8431 · November 2013

Thank you all so much for your feedback!

Jenck8431 · November 2013

mrskbuck said:

I am the first of my friends to be married and actively TTC. Most of my friends are a few years older than me though and a couple have babies, but they are on the "get drunk it, it will happen" bandwagon so I don't discuss anything with them haha.

This made me LOL

Jenck8431 · November 2013

Gizmo36 said:

Definitely the last.

My advice to you would be to not alienate your friends without children and dump them for only new friends with children. I had two close friends do this when I was in my mid-20s, and it really sucked. Just because I was at a different stage in my life (not partying stage - just focused on building my career and not a family), didn't mean I didn't want to hang out. I tried to stay connected to them, made it known that I was interested in going to the park, hanging out in the backyard, and doing things that they were doing with their new friends who had children, but I was excluded from their new club. I could see getting turned down if hitting the bars was my only objective, but that was something I had no interest in.

Really great perspective!

Megs7911 · November 2013

We are one of the first in our core group of friends to TTC (from what I know).

DH's best friend and his wife have two kids and were the first, they were the first to get married and they married young. They are really really "focused," for lack of a better word, on their kids and will not do anything out of the house after 6 or 7 even with a grandmother available to babysit. We always try to included them in our plans and often make kid-friendly plans, but most of the time they decline. To each his own I guess. I just can't picture secluding myself that much just because we have kids. I know I have no idea what it will actually be like until we get there, so we'll see.

GL @Jenck8431!

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