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thoughts on MIL

trudibelltrudibell member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Saturday my husband and son spent the day with the good old MIL who lives about an hour away.  Yesterday (the day after) she "just happened to be in the neighborhood" so she called to see if she could drop in.  Of course my husband told her yes.  We had been running errands all day and were trying to wind down. She came in and said "where's my baby"? and did not say hello to me.Everything was stopped in order to entertain her, she started playing with my 4 month old who had been out doing errands and was tired and then became fussy.  I tried to broach the subject with my husband that they all spent the day with her yesterday and maybe sometimes we could politely decline her visits, but he got really angry and said no she should be able to come over whenever she pleases.  

So my question is, is this alright?  I don't have the best relationship with her (honestly I try) and even though she does call ahead (she has to we live in an apartment) the idea that whenever she wants to come over she can makes me uncomfortable.  Am I wrong for feeling this way?  Is it rude if someone calls up and says "I'm in the neighborhood I'm going to stop by!" to say no sometimes? She sees my son at least once a week sometimes more, so it's not like I'm trying to shut her out of his life.  Thanks.
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Re: thoughts on MIL

  • monkeybutt61612monkeybutt61612 member
    I agree with you. There are boundary issues that need to be set. We don't go places uninvited and hate when people suddenly drop by. I get that it's your husband's mom, but that would annoy the shit out of me. Plus, our house is always a mess.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Yep, this is a problem with your husband, not her.  Focus your frustration on him.   You are his wife and mother to his child.  Your feelings and comfort should come before hers.
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  • NicolewinsbingoNicolewinsbingo member
    If she drops by all the time I'd talk to DH again. If this is the first (and maybe last) time I'd drop it for now.
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  • LolalipsyLolalipsy member
    I'm in the minority here because like your H I would get angry if anyone expected me to turn my mum away. I also wouldn't dream of asking that of my H.

    I think there would only be a need to discuss boundaries IF it became so frequent that it was spoiling your home life.



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  • Carnation77Carnation77 member
    This is probably just a difference in expectations due to how your families acted when you were growing up.  In my family extended relatives would walk in the unlocked door any day, any time, without knocking.  It's just how they were.  DH's family always schedules things ahead of time.  My family drives him crazy but it seems perfectly normal to me.  I don't understand why his family is so formal.  So look at it that way - just a difference in expectations - but you set the rules once she's there.  If your child needs to nap, then that needs to happen whether it's convenient for her or not.
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  • jemasa33jemasa33 member
    My mom used to come over uninvited constantly. At first I was annoyed then I decided I would take a nap every time she came over. I got a lot of rest.

    Situations like that are what you make of them. Its not a bad thing to set boundaries or to communicate to her on days you don't want her to stay long.

    Also a fact of motherhood is a lot of people ignore you in favor of your kids. You learn to deal with it and move on.

    I do hope you find a resolution because the whole situation just seems frustrating.
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