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"Baby crazy" and In-Laws

jessialynjessialyn member
in Babies on the Brain
Hi, all. My husband and I got married less than two months ago, and while we were on vacation at Disney World last week I started experiencing the first symptoms of what my family calls "baby crazy" (AKA, their silly name for when someone starts wanting to have a baby =P). 

It's not a new revelation or anything, my husband and I have often and deeply discussed parenthood and our shared desire to have children. We even have a name picked out for when/if we have a boy. Our families tease us about how they want grand-kids. We live in a nice 3-bedroom house that we will have the option of buying next Fall, and my husband works full-time from home.

The primary road-block is something I'm sure many of you have also encountered and understand...finances. However, there are a couple of sides to this.

I currently work a part-time retail job, while my husband works from home as a full-time graphic design specialist...the twist is, he works through his parent's company, though he also has clients that he does freelance work for. I love him so much and we've had a difficult time really discussing this because it's a sensitive subject, but to be honest...his parents don't pay him very much. He could be making twice as much doing the same work for someone else. At this point, however, he is the only graphic designer they have; if he were to quit or take another job, his family's business would crumble, so that isn't even an option.

I feel guilty saying all this, but when my in-laws talk about their second home in Florida or getting a $3,000 pool table or the third car that they bought brand new "because it was a deal" I start to feel bitter. The only reason we are in such a nice home is because the owner who is renting to us is a friend of my father's and gave us a discounted monthly rate; and as much as I love my (mostly) reliable 15-year-old Subaru, we'll have to either get a lot of work done or a newer vehicle before we even start trying to get pregnant. Not to mention that in our current situation, it would be difficult for me to take any time off of work and still make enough to get by. And that's not even considering all of the direct baby expenses!

I guess I just feel frustrated because we have a great emotional and social environment to start building a family in, but we're just too broke. And I have some resentment towards my in-laws because they are securely at an upper-class income level and their son, who does all web and image-based designs for them (that's about 80% of the projects) and works 10+ hours of overtime every week at his same rate of pay can't afford to start a family. 

I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on dealing with this...we bring up "when we have kids" so much, but it feels like it will take years and years to finally get to that elusive state of "financial stability" that we all strive towards.

Thanks for reading.

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Re: "Baby crazy" and In-Laws

  • dogperson11dogperson11 member
    edited November 2013
    If your husband is as underpaid as you've stated then it sounds like your husband should have a nice, serious but friendly sit down with his parents regarding his wage. I would recommend you stay out of the conversation and have him keep it between himself and his parents. Perhaps he should give them an example of what other people in his field make and see if they're willing to increase his salary. He does not need to mention that you'd like to expand your family. You could also start reducing your monthly spending if at all possible so you will have a nice chunk of savings and can fix your vehicle without it being a huge stressor.

    ETA: spelling
    Married November 2009
    Clara, August 2014 
    Baby Boy due October 2017
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  • MrsMac613MrsMac613 member
    I agree with the PP. It's great that your hubby wants to help the family business but it shouldn't be at the expense of his own family. His parent really should pay him something fair and comparable with other jobs in his field.

    Anniversary 





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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    Of course him leaving is an option.  I surprised you would even say that and no their business won't crumble.  It will be difficult, but they will eventually find someone to replace him. 

    Look, he is a grown man and has to look out for the best interest of the family that he is creating. Not the best interest of his parents, the best interests of himself, his wife and future children.  Him continuing to work for them simply isn't sustainable, right ?  I mean he will have to quit eventually.  Might as well rip off the bandaid now and get it over with.   

    This is also a great example of why working with family isn't a great idea.

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  • dogperson11dogperson11 member
    Something else to consider (you probably already thought of this) is that if you're barely making ends meet now WITH you working, how will you I afford daycare while you work? Just another motivator to try to save as much as possible BEFORE a baby comes. You guys can make it work eventually, but it sounds like you should wait a while and cross off some goals first.
    Married November 2009
    Clara, August 2014 
    Baby Boy due October 2017
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  • nycrose2013nycrose2013 member
    This isn't even an in-law problem, it's a career problem. He needs to ask for a raise without having anything to do with your family planning. Its not that complicated. 
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  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    Your husband needs to talk to his parents about his real worth in the job market. He needs to be clear that he has adult responsibilities and needs the income he deserves. If they won't pay him more he needs to find something else. 

    If they have so much extra money why would the business crumble if he left? Could they hire another designer and pay market value?

    My husband and I are in about the same situation. While we own a home and can save money, we both want to move up in our careers but that conflicts with the feelings of wanting to start a family. It stinks but you guys will find a way to make it all work! Just make a plan and work every day towards it together while enjoying your time as a couple.  
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