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I want to be pissed, but I can't right now (long rant)

KLJ3KLJ3 member
edited November 2013 in May 2013 Moms

Virtual cookies to anyone who makes it to the end of this...

Some of you may recall that I was a little worried about putting C in alternate daycare with a frighteningly rambunctious 2 year old (and his reeeally laid-back mother) while my main daycare provider is out on maternity leave.  Well, my in-laws kindly offered to take C for a week until I can take vacation.  Awesome, right?

I really didn't think about the fact that the only time I've spent away from C is when he's at daycare (less than a half mile away) or when my mom has taken him for the night (in the same house).  About a week ago, I started feeling sick to my stomach when thinking about leaving C with the in-laws.  They're perfectly capable of taking care of him, in fact they'll probably be spoiling him, but the thought of him being 2.5 hours away for five days just didn't sit well.  I resigned myself to the fact that it would be hard, and I'd just have to suck it up.

My mom called me on Friday and said that my MIL had called HER, asking if she could watch C and/or bring him home to me this Friday.  Come to find out, MIL has a breast biopsy that day (which, in fairness, she just found out about).  She was afraid that if my husband and I knew about the doctor's appointment, we wouldn't let her watch C this week.  (Stupid point #1).  My mom has to work, so she can't go get C.  I texted my MIL and told her not to worry - I'd drive the 2.5 hours to get him so that she wouldn't have to go anywhere after the biopsy.  I was under the impression that FIL would be watching C.

Fast forward to Sunday, which is when Stupid Point #2 happened.  We're getting ready to leave C behind (I'm trying not to have a panic attack...completely illogical, I know...), and MIL says, "Okay, we'll see you on Friday when you come get C.  [Insert neighbor's name here] is coming over to watch him while we're at the doctor's."

WHAT?!?!  I almost choked.  I know who the neighbor is, and she's very nice (and a nurse, to boot), but I don't KNOW her.  That, and who the hell thinks it's acceptable to arrange for someone else to watch my baby without ASKING me first???  I didn't say anything because I knew that MIL was freaking out about her biopsy (she's high-risk b/c of family history and hormone replacement therapy), and I didn't want to stress her out more.

My husband doesn't fully understand why I'm pissed at his mother - he says he can see both sides - but he has promised to talk to her after the whole biopsy thing blows over (and I do hope it blows over).  It was stupid of her to avoid addressing the problem with us up front, and doubly stupid to not ask before setting up a virtual stranger (to me, anyway) to watch our child.

There's no real point to this, other than the fact that I'm pouting.  I can't hug my baby until Friday, I can't sleep because I'm worried about him at night, and I can't yell at my MIL because she's dealing with scary health problems.  Ugh...who am I kidding?  I wouldn't yell at her anyway, because I avoid conflict.  It would probably just be a "hey, I'd appreciate it if you never do that again" e-mail.  

There are people who have it far worse out there, and I should just be thankful that my in-laws are helping us out right now.

Blah.

***Cookies galore***

ETA:  perhaps this should have gone in Shank's thread

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Re: I want to be pissed, but I can't right now (long rant)

  • coffeeandbookscoffeeandbooks member
    "Okay, we'll see you on Friday when you come get C.  [Insert neighbor's name here] is coming over to watch him while we're at the doctor's."

    No no no....this is not ok. 

     I really can't see the other side to this.  I understand why you can't be pissed...the biopsy and all...but you still have a right to say that you aren't comfortable with leaving your baby with someone who is a stranger to you.
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  • AllieAGameAllieAGame member
    I totally feel ya, sister. ~Flabby post-partum belly bump with optional Amazonian nipple slap~ I would feel/react the same way. You are definitely against a rock and a hard place and I think the best you can do is handle the whole thing with as much grace and calm as you can. In the end, your LO will be safe and hopefully your MIL healthy.
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  • RoxZ32RoxZ32 member
    The idea of leaving my baby for a week would be stressful enough without the added frustrations of the neighbor babysitter. There was no reason for her not to discuss this with you. Is there anyway you or your DH could use a personal or sick day for Friday and pick your LO up on Thursday evening instead?

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  • KLJ3KLJ3 member

    @RoxZ32 and @mommacakes4u - DH works late on Thursdays and I have meetings from 2pm until 10pm on Thursday.  Otherwise I'd definitely go get him on Thursday night!

    @AllieAGame - I've spent the last 5 minutes trying to envision an Amazonian nipple slap.  Thank you for giving me a reason to laugh today. :)

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  • krwactkrwact member
    KLJ3 said:

    @RoxZ32 and @mommacakes4u - DH works late on Thursdays and I have meetings from 2pm until 10pm on Thursday.  Otherwise I'd definitely go get him on Thursday night!

    @AllieAGame - I've spent the last 5 minutes trying to envision an Amazonian nipple slap.  Thank you for giving me a reason to laugh today. :)

    Boo.  This was horribly inappropriate of her and I'm sorry that you can't get to him on Thursday.  What time is her biopsy?  Any chance of getting there on Friday before the neighbor is supposed to watch him?

    I too am envisioning the nipple slap and even though I don't know what it is, I LIKE IT!
    Kim 

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  • LolalipsyLolalipsy member
    You sound like a lovely DIL. I feel that you see the good in you MIL which is half the battle.

    I completely understand why you're annoyed, I would be too but I think how you're handling it is admirable.



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  • snowgirl427snowgirl427 member
    I'd be annoyed. But in the flip side, She may also think it's nbd because you know the person. Plus, it seems like she first tried for your mom.I understand about them both going to the biopsy - I would assumed that would be the case.

    I think u r doing the right thing though. Wait till after the biopsy and just let her know in the future you would prefer she doesn't make alternative arrangements. Good luck this week. I'd be going crazy!

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  • KLJ3KLJ3 member
    Thanks for the support, ladies!

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