first pregnancy & first loss...

Jessy336 · November 2013

Hi all. This is definitely not the intro I want to make, but I feel like I have to. I should be 11 weeks pregnant today, but on Friday I found out I'm not. I started spotting with some red blood on Thursday. I didn't notice until I was leaving work. I hadn't spotted my entire pregnancy and the blood freaked me out. I called my dr office and they were able to get me in right away. The dr checked me out, and physically everything was as it was supposed to be, just a little blood. I scheduled an u/s for the next day, and left the appointment feeling positive. I told DH he could go to the appointment or not. He decided that he would like to save his days for when the baby came - which I supported.

My sister came with me to the u/s & that's when my heart started to break. They didn't see a baby. They didn't see a heartbeat. Both of which were very present at 6 weeks 2 days. I knew that was a possibility, but I didn't think it would happen. The dr ran a blood test and I go back again Monday for another. I know it's what they have to do before deciding the next step, but the waiting for the inevitable is slowly killing me. I'm trying to rest as per drs orders, but my mind keeps going to my baby that's not there. Then DH loses it & seeing the same pain in his eyes hurts even worse.

I am sorry for the long post, and I thank you all in advance for your patience and support.

jbartsy · November 2013

*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss and sad to see another person here from May14.

This was also my first pregnancy and first loss... I would have been 10 weeks yesterday. I know what you mean about feeling terrible when seeing the pain in your husband's eyes - every time I see him get upset, I keep feeling like it was somehow my fault, even though everyone has said that there's nothing I could have done differently. I don't have a lot of advice since it's still so fresh for me, but just know that you're not alone in these feelings. Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband during this difficult time

alm288 · November 2013

I'm sorry for your loss and that you found yourself here. I also belonged to the May 2014 club . . . and this was my first pregnancy and loss as well. It sucks to say the least. I don't have any great advice - just let yourself grieve right now. Give yourself as much time as you need. I cried for a few days after my d&c and then I was angry. I am still sad, but I told two friends on Friday and was able to talk about it without crying (perhaps that was the tequila). DH and I also talked about it a lot, which helped me. Feel free to gather support and compassion from the women around here. I wish you all the best - big hugs!

masterofallcheese · November 2013

another may 2014 person here. i am so sorry to hear your story. i imagine this weekend has been torture for you. being in limbo is the worst. it's like you are finally accepting it but of course you still have one last modicum of hope for everything to turn around at your appointment. i hope that you will have the support you need tomorrow and please utilize this board as another way to receive support.

also to those that blame themselves...it is an irrational thought that i often have, too. i was playing tennis with hubby yesterday and i kept missing easy shots (in part from lack of practice, also from anger i still hold). i started crying because i kept thinking of how my body just can't be normal, it malfunctions etc. all normal thoughts for what we have endured but not true at all

lynseyadamson · November 2013

I am yet another may 14er. I'm so sorry to hear your story. I've just had my second ERPC in 4 months - both mmc. I just wanted to send you my wishes and thoughts, and I hope you are ok. Xx

FishyMom · November 2013

Yet another May 14er, I am so sorry you are here. Seeing DH upset has been the hardest part of it all for me. I am hoping it gets easier. This was my first pregnancy and my first (hopefully only) loss. Good luck, I wish you the very best.

libby+nate · November 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the limbo time is quick. Know that you are not alone. You will never get over it but you will get through it. (Hugs)

MrsG80inTN · November 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. As Libby said, you are not alone. Thinking of you as you go through this unfortunate path.

megrae12 · November 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone and remember to let yourself grieve. ((Hugs)) to you and my thoughts and prayers are you and your DH.

Jessy336 · November 2013

Thank you for all the love & support, ladies. The past few days have been rough. Went for the 2nd blood draw today, and as expected my HCG levels dropped. I go for a follow up tomorrow to discuss our next step.

mlt13 · November 2013

My thoughts are with you and your husband. I'm in a similar situation. 1st pregnancy, 1st loss but from June 14. Sending hugs.

Tkparry16 · November 2013

My due date was May 31st '14. This was my First pregnancy too, I had a D&C yesterday. It just sucks is the only way to explain a loss, it's devastating! I'm so sorry for your loss as well as everyone else's. It's really nice to know we are not alone! Sending you hugs, Ts &Ps!!