First pregnancy ended in first loss

jesslowry · October 2013

My husband and I just found out that our pregnancy was not going to make it. Today I would be 6 weeks and 4 days. I just keep thinking over and over that a few days ago I was pregnant. We were so excited. Here is what happened... We found out we were pregnant about two weeks ago using the first response early pregnancy test. We had been trying for two months and my cycles are always on time so I knew something was up when I missed my period. I took a few tests a few days apart and we decided to go to the doctors for a blood test to confirm the good news. It took two days to get the lab results and we were so soooo excited when they said we were indeed pregnant! That was last Thursday. On Sunday I started bleeding so I went to the E.R. They did ultrasounds and blood tests and saw nothing on the ultrasound and said my hcg levels were very low and needed to be monitored. This was very scary. I called on Monday to see what my first level was when they called to tell me I was pregnant and it was only 17. My second one on Sunday was 55. A rise but a slow rise. I got my follow up blood test on Tuesday and it was 20. The nurse called and told me that my husband and I would need to come in to see our O.B. as soon as possible. We made an appointment for Wednesday. I was so nervous I was sick and I know I was a horrible faraway teacher to my students yesterday. It was so hard to concentrate. Well anyway, we drove to our doctors and he told us our baby was not going to make it and my body was naturally taking care of itself. He made sure to tell us that we are both healthy and young and we did nothing wrong. I still can't wrap my head around that I was pregnant a few days ago and now I'm not. Our families are devastated but very supportive. My husband leaves for OCS soon. I hope that we are ready when he leaves. The grief and loss are hard. I am still bleeding and in pain but I don't want to take anything. The pain makes it more real for me. I can't believe I was so happy and pregnant a few days ago. How am I going to go back to normal? Work? When does my heart stop breaking?

megrae12 · October 2013

I am so sorry for your loss! T & P's to you and your DH.

I honestly cant tell you when it will stop hurting or when your heart will stop breaking, etc. I know that for me it was when it was all over. It helped with my emotional healing. I am not saying that it made it all better, it just made it more "bearable". I do know that you need to allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Deep breaths, you can do it. If at all possible see if you can take a couple days off to let yourself grieve and just be. That really helped me when I was dealing with everything. BIG BIG ((HUGS)) to you!!

MrsG80inTN · October 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's devastating. My husband and I tried for 4 years to get our first positive. We were excited and devastated all within a 2.5 week period. I'm 2 weeks out from our miscarriage and I can tell you that your heart will break and hurt for a while. Some days are worse than others. Let yourself grieve and go through all the emotions that come your way. Your normal will be different, or at least I find that mine is... though I am still not even at what i would consider a new normal.

I'm sorry you're here and experiencing this. It sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I hope you find comfort here.

aschultz9 · November 2013

Im so sorry for your loss. The grief can feel totally overwhelming and will probably feel like it will never end. In your own time it will feel less overwhelming and more bearable. Be kind to yourself and take whatever time is needed.

hadley135 · November 2013

So sorry for your loss. I do not have much experience to offer as my first loss was this week also, but I hope you can find some peace and support on this board. Lots of thoughts and hugs coming your way.

libby+nate · November 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost our first pregnancy as well. We found our at our 12 week u/s that the baby's heart stopped at 10 weeks. This was Oct 3rd. I have my moments but it is definitely getting better. Best of luck in the physical healing part and we are here for you on the emotional side of things. You are not alone!

co baby1 · November 2013

I am so sorry for your loss! I cannot tell you when the hurting subsides, I can tell you the raw gut punch feeling has gone down a couple notches for me over the past week and a half. Take your time and process/grieve how you need to though, don't rush yourself!

alm288 · November 2013

I'm very sorry for your loss! We found out we were pregnant for the first time in September and I ended up having a d&c at 9w in October. It's horrible and scary - especially with this being the first one. For me, after the procedure I healed physically very fast. I then felt I could focus on the emotion part of healing. That is certainly the most challenging, but time does heal and enable you to move forward. The women around here are a great support team! Wish you all the best! *hugs*

Snowpea2468 · November 2013

Hi Jess,
I'm so sorry. Me too today. First pregnancy, first loss at six weeks. So much pain in so many ways. Hugs to you.

peggels24 · November 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss.

jesslowry · November 2013

Thank you so much everyone for your support. I never knew until going through this myself how many people also have suffered this hardship. My husband and I are working hard to focus on all the positives we still have to look forward to in life. It's harder sometimes than others. I took the rest of the week off from work and I am nervous about going back on Monday. I am so thankful that I never told my class that I was pregnant, silver lining I guess. Thank you again everyone, I'm glad I found this board!

kate6214 · November 2013

So sorry for your loss. I recently lost my first pregnancy as well. Time has been a good healer. It sounds like you are a teacher (I am too) and being with my little guys was hard at first but has turned into a good distraction.

masterofallcheese · November 2013

so sorry to see you here

abbyful · November 2013

I'm so sorry...

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