let's talk discipline

MelissaMiso · November 2013

As our little ones get more impish, I am wondering what techniques you use now and plan to use as they get bigger as a means of behavior modification.

Growing up, neither dear husband nor I had parents that spanked so we won't likely go that route either. (No judgement against people that do spank, just had other things that worked on us such as sitting in the corner, losing privileges, etc.) Right now, an "ah-ah-ah No No No" is working with Fifi for the most part. When she pushes the limits (i.e. continues to try to put a toy into the rabbits' cages) said toy gets taken away and put on a high shelf or she gets removed from the room she's causing chaos in (hooray for baby gates). She always gets a verbal "explanation" ("you can't put things in the bunny cages" or a "no you can't pull on the curtains bc they will fall down") with this so she (hopefully) connects the discipline as a result of her action.

As she gets bigger, we will explain things more as she comprehends more. Maybe time outs will work depending on her temperament. As a parent, I hope to not argue back and forth and keep my frustration in check. We're not much of yellers but I do hope my husband can learn how to be more stern with his voice (he's not so good with that with the dog even. hahaha) so she knows when he means business.

What's working for you?

ELF4321 · November 2013

We've started laying the groundwork with explanations and no-nos. I've even found myself using the dreaded FULL NAME to let her know when she's really in trouble, but overall, I'm not expecting much impulse control at this point. Mostly an explanation and redirection/removal are my go-to right now.

My dad was a spanker for major infractions, but not for most things. I am not completely opposed to it in very limited circumstances like when they do something really dangerous and you want to drive the point home, but I don't know if I would be able to actually go through with it.

selockar · November 2013

Mostly we redirect lo. When he hits I take the toy, if redirecting doesn't work. He bit me twice, and I put him in his crib. I don't think he really gets that it was a time out, but I needed a moment to regroup. He bites hard. Luckily (I guess?) he only bites me.

As he gets older we will likely continue doing what we do with DS1. I usually give a warning and then put him in time out. I'll take toys away, if he isn't playing nice with them. Some times if we're having a really rough day I'll send him to his room for some alone time. He'll go read or do puzzles in his room until he is ready to come back and behave. I always make him talk about why he is having a rough day and what he can do to change his day.

ebl2 · November 2013

My stern "no" also doesn't do much with DD. I don't know why when I say it she doesn't take me seriously. All DH has to do is look at her a certain way and she'll stop doing what it is that she knows is wrong. I think its because I'm a big softy and she knows how to play me where as my husband is immune to her cuteness when she's in trouble.

We have been giving Time Out when appropriate. We were first putting her in her crib for time out but after awhile of that I realized after she was having issues going to sleep that that wasn't the best place for time out. Every time we put her to bed poor girl thought she was in trouble. We should never have associated being in her crib with being in trouble. Luckily, we stopped that and she has forgotten about that and can go to sleep now. We will tell her to sit and face the corner for time out now. She surprisingly does very well with this, not trying to get up at all. We always talk to her before and after the time out and tell her why she was getting punished.

littleredfish · November 2013

@MelissaMiso That's the route we're trying to go too. I don't judge people who spank their kids on occasion, DH and I were both spanked as kids, along with LOTS of other people I know and nobody to my knowledge is psychologically damaged for it. I just found it gave me conflicting messages, and I don't want to get into that with DD if I can help it.

For now we redirect/take things away, explain (as best we can for her comprehension right now), and have done quick 1 min time outs since that's all her attention span can handle right now.

najzomax · November 2013

We mostly to redirect and stern voices but I have done timeouts in her playpen for biting. I've found that very effective since she hates being alone and away from what we are doing.

tbmadeamistake · November 2013

I've started doing time outs, but I sit with her. I forget where I read it, but at this age it helps them to understand that a time out is time for them to calm down and listen. The second she does something naughty, I take her to our spot and sit her down, sit down next to her, and explain "We're having a time out because we don't throw our food on the floor/hit people/throw our toys in the house." After a few seconds I ask if she's ready to pick up her food/say sorry/pick up her toy, and we go and do whatever we need to. So far it's working really well. As she gets older, they will get longer in duration and I'll stop sitting with her (as I haven't done anything wrong). So far DH is more of a watcher than a doer, which I want to change. She needs this from both of us.

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let's talk discipline

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