The Inevitable First Trimester

mrsthurlow08 · November 2013

I am 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant with my second baby. My husband and I have not had the best experience in the reproductive department. We had a pretty scary, on edge experience with our daughter from trying to get pregnant (she is a Clomid baby) until 6 months after she was born, when I finally finished healing from a life threatening infection from my csection. I had complications with contractions and heavy bleeding in my first 14 weeks with her. I was on bed rest 75% of my pregnancy. Since then, I have transformed my health and my lifestyle, and would consider myself a pretty healthy person. So when we started our baby # 2 journey 6 months ago, I swore that I wouldn't feel that "doom and gloom" feeling my entire pregnancy with this one. That I wouldn't not enjoy this beautiful gift, and be scared the whole time. Well, at first, I felt so excited. I didn't feel too much worry at all. But after a few days, I had that horrible sickening worry that I was going to have a miscarriage. Because I love this baby already with all of my heart. I am having cramping, which I know is normal, and I am not bleeding like I was with my daughter, but I can't shake this feeling like I can't love my baby or be excited to be pregnant because I am afraid that I am going to lose it. I HATE the darkness that everyone puts over the first trimester. Like you can't move for 13 weeks, or do anything. Like you can't love your baby or be excited until the "dreaded" 13 weeks is over. Like you can't share your news, or talk about it, or ANYTHING until the first trimester is over. I am feeling so down and sad and scared this morning. Anyone else feel this way? And what did you do to make yourself feel better??? HELP.

Caterpillar2014 · November 2013

I don't understand why people don't share; if a miscarriage happens, then it is that much easier to have a support group behind you. (this is my first pregnancy, but I have friends who have miscarried and by sharing their pregnancy prior to MMC, they had a very strong support group for that time). I am excited to my news with family and friends, and am only waiting until I will see them in person (which is a long time since we all live so far away from each other). My DH and I are waiting until Thanksgiving because that is when we will see my side first, and telling his family for Christmas because we won't see them until that time. If you want to share, I say go for it!

dragonfly711 · November 2013

I told most people that we were expecting last February. I told work at 9 weeks. I felt so much better having it out in the open.
I started my job at the end of November so I did know them that well.
I had a MMC 2 weeks later. I went to my appointment and no heartbeat at 11 1/2 weeks. The teacher I was working w I told her to tell everyone.

It was the best support system. I had co workers texting me, emailing me letting me know that they either have had one or knew someone who did.

It was so much easier going back to work the following week knowing everyone was there to support me.

With this pregnancy I want to tell but hubby is the one that doesn't until after first tri. I will respect his wishes. E had my told anyone in his family. Only one he told was his boss.

Everyone is different. I am very open about my loss. I want people to know it can happen and it happens more than we know. I had no idea how many people I know that have had MC and some more than one.

Some days I feel good and not worried at all and other days I am paranoid about everything. I think that will keep happening at least until first tri is over.

HeyAmberNicole · November 2013

I feel like I have more "doom and gloom" over this pregnancy than my last. My last pregnancy was 10 years ago. I was 19 and didn't really have a care in the world. I thought I knew everything because I was working labor and delivery and OB Clinic in the Navy. I had a few complications during labor and delivery, but in the end I had my son who is now 9!

This time, I feel like I'm not so numb (ignorant maybe?) to all the issues that can arise in the first trimester. Working OB, I saw a lot of loss but never really empathized with those patients. This time around I'm so conscious about what I eat, activity and environment in general. Maybe I'm just a worry wart now? At the end of the day though, I love this baby so much.

So while there might be doom and gloom, there is still so much love for this baby. When I feel the doom coming on, I read about all the milestones my baby is hitting this week (fingers!). I also go on YouTube and watch mommy vloggers vlog about their baby bumps this week. I pray and talk with my family. My BF has been soo supportive of my worry wart self. And hey, if all else fails, there are some really uplifting people here on The Bump.

Let me know if you need a pick me up! I know we can all use one and some support over snark every now and then

charliecammell · November 2013

I'm only 7 weeks and miscarriage is high in my family and I have had some bleeding which has eased off alot now,
I have only told my sister we are expecting as we share everything, and my boss since I work in a coffee shop and I wont drink coffee now,
we will tell our family after 12 weeks which will be a nice christmas surprise for everyone.
we hadn't told our family because even though I think they would be a great support if things go wrong I know that they wont keep it too themselves until we are ready for the world to know and im not ready for the fuss yet. but I think it comes down to the individual and what they want, I find it easier having my sister know so if you have someone close yoh can trust maybe talk to them

mrsthurlow08 · November 2013

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice! Today is one of those days that I feel okay. Yesterday I was freaking out all day. I keep telling myself to look at my daughter, who is 2 and a half now... so many things went wrong and she is still here! I am so glad that my friend told me to join Thebump when I was pregnant with Courtney. It has been such a blessing through my pregnancy with her and TTC with this baby.... Good luck to ALL of you!!!! Praying for ALL of these sweet sweet babies!

rowanthefrog · November 2013

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I've had 5 miscarriages and early pregnancy is simply terrifying for me. I get anxious just THINKING about TTC and finding out I'm pregnant. And once I do find out I'm pregnant I'm in a near panic from the start...every minute, every hour is a total nightmare until I pass where I usually miscarry...and then there's all the worry about all the things that can happen AFTER that point. So yes, I get where you are coming from, completely.

I just try to break it down into small milestones...make it from milestone to milestone and slowly the weeks pass and my anxiety lessens. It's tough, the best way to get through it is to just stay busy and realize that worrying yourself sick about it won't change anything.

Also, I have these mantras that we compiled when I was on the Pregnant After a Loss board a long time ago...when the doubts and negative thoughts start to creep in, I try to think of these things instead:

"Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."

"I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

"My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c."
"Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you." We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!
"Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot ‘jinx’ your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!
Hardest one: "There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (god forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."

((hugs))

A

mrsthurlow08 · November 2013

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! Those mantras are perfect. It sure is hard to not have a total meltdown every second about it. My mom says all the time that "back in her day" you got pregnant, told the world, had your baby, and that was that. There wasn't all the scare and hype about the first trimester (and after...) that makes you a worrying mess the entire time. I am 99% sure this will be my last horrah in the pregnancy department. We were lucky to be able to do it naturally this time! I don't want to sit and feel this horrible dread the whole time. I didn't get to "enjoy" my first pregnancy fully, so I want to this time!!! I am so sorry about your losses. I have a strong faith in the Lord, and I just keep telling myself He is in control, not me, and that feeling this way night and day will not change His will!

IBackBevo · November 2013

I'm not pgal, but had a high risk, stressful first pregnancy...severe pree, iugr, hospital bed rest, etc. And I already have high bp with this pregnancy. I agree with pp about just looking forward to milestones: first ultrasound, hearing hb on doppler, nt scan, etc. Also, I find having a doppler and being able to find the hb helps after about 10 weeks.

kiyamurph · November 2013

OP, I so understand where you're coming from. At first I felt like such a horrible person because I didn't want to get connected to my baby in case I had a MC. I felt much better about things this past Monday when I finally had my first OB appt (my doctor's office doesn't see you until you're 10-12 weeks with a normal pregnancy) and I was finally able to see and hear the heartbeat during the u/s. Before that though, I was so paranoid about miscarrying. There were only a couple of people at work who knew I was pregnant early on since I told them that I would be taking a pregnancy test since I had a suspicion that I was pregnant. They would ask me if I was excited and I had to be honest with them and admit that no, I wasn't excited because I didn't want to get attached in case something happened. It was a self preservation thing and I think lots of women go through this. One of the people I told this to just simply told me to think positive and take it one day at a time, and really, that's all you can do since there's nothing you can do to prevent a MC.

And @rowanthefrog, I absolutely love the mantras and will have to remember those when I have bouts of paranoia. I know that the chance of MC goes down to about 3% after you hear the heartbeat after 10 weeks (I'm 11 weeks), but I still have those crazy moments where I worry that something could still happen. Especially since I'm now getting to that point where the first trimester symptoms are starting to go away, so I'm in this in-between moment where I don't "feel" pregnant anymore and I haven't gotten to the point where I look pregnant either. Just reading the mantras made me feel better so thank you.

Want a personalized experience?

The Inevitable First Trimester

Re: The Inevitable First Trimester

Choose Another Board

Search Boards