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1st Trimester
verydisgruntledpelican0091
member
How do I tell my ex that I am pregnant?
verydisgruntledpelican0091
member
Here's my dilemma. I have PCOS and have since I was 15 (now 22) my dr told me that because of my dermoid cyst on my left ovary, for me to conceive without fertility treatments it would be very very difficult. With my ex we never used any form of birth control and never had any scares so I just believed what my dr said.
So just over 2 months ago my friend set me up with a new guy and we made it pretty clear that we where just going to be basically fwbs (both out of a bad recent break up). I told him of my condition and we both decided the pull out method would be fine.
Well as luck would have it, his mutant sperm knocked me up.
We have just recently stopped talking because he felt he couldn't see me as more then just a friend. Haven't spoken since. I have no ill feelings for him.
So anyways I am so sorry for such a long story lol just want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to tell him? I know I'll tell him, but I'm going to give him an out. I am more then willing for him to not be in this child's life.
Also, recently started seeing a new guy. When should I tell him ? Again, not looking for a baby daddy.
So just over 2 months ago my friend set me up with a new guy and we made it pretty clear that we where just going to be basically fwbs (both out of a bad recent break up). I told him of my condition and we both decided the pull out method would be fine.
Well as luck would have it, his mutant sperm knocked me up.
We have just recently stopped talking because he felt he couldn't see me as more then just a friend. Haven't spoken since. I have no ill feelings for him.
So anyways I am so sorry for such a long story lol just want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to tell him? I know I'll tell him, but I'm going to give him an out. I am more then willing for him to not be in this child's life.
Also, recently started seeing a new guy. When should I tell him ? Again, not looking for a baby daddy.
Best Answers
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CamrynnsMommy member
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Erica314 member
Yikes.. That's tough.
I would just talk to your ex, offer to allow him as much or as little involvement as he wants. Hopefully giving him an out will make it easier to accept and he won't feel trapped. Find out where he stands and then talk to new bf!
He may or may not be willing to stick around, but I think that's the least of your worries at this point. :-(
Good luck with all of this!
Baby #1 due June 5th, 2014 -
PrimRoseMama member
I'd call him up & ask to meet for breakfast. Tell him over the meal. He will do one of three things: a) Freak out & tell you he wants you to get an abortion or b) be excited & want to co-parent or c) Tell you that's cool but he wants nothing to do with the whole thing.
There is no fancy way to do this. I'm not exactly what you want advice on? It seems pretty straight forward. How do you tell the father? You just tell him,"I'm pregnant. The pull out method was not reliable. I'm keeping the baby. How involved do you want to be?"
Bam. Straight to the point, simple. If he needs time to think on it & get back to you then give it to him.
Really, I'm not snarking, but these "how do I tell them" posts don't make sense to me. It's like,"how do I fry an egg?" Well you stick it in the pan and fry it.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do I tell my ex that I am pregnant?
Good luck with all that.
A
Oh, for the love of....Ok. What's done is done and I think honesty is the best policy if you're planning to continue with the pregnancy and parent. And sooner rather than later. Buuuuut, many women with PCOS conceive naturally every day. A lot of GYNs will tell you that it may be difficult. The key word is may. Not will. I know of at least two 'oopsie' babies that happened after women were told that they might/would have trouble conceiving based only on PCOS diagnoses, and they convinced themselves they were infertile while doing no extra research. Having unprotected sex, and BAM--babies.
Also, do you live in a bubble where you think not only pregnancy, but also disease will never happen to you? I recommend you get tested, STDs don't always show symptoms, and they can also negatively affect a pregnancy. I have a couple of friends that work in public health and you'd be amazed how many people will swear up and down that they must be clean, but end up having asymptomatic STDs.
Please read this, and pass it out to your friends: https://jezebel.com/believing-youre-magical-is-really-bad-birth-control-1453341112
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
This.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
Yes this is a real issue.
I have been tested and cleared and same as him. My ex from a while back I was with him for years. So judge as you will but we felt since we where both always safe before and been tested recently and never had an issue.
So that's already done and over with. My dilemma is how do I tell the dad?
And yes I will be parenting no matter what. And I told my current boyfriend last night and he is ok with it and will be as involved as I want him to be.
Firstly, you are going to be okay and your situation isn't that uncommon. You have no reason to feel guilty and remember your hormones are extra charged right now and make sure you find a good time where you feel rested enough to talk to your Ex first. It takes two people to get pregnant, so offering him in out is a bad idea. You have a responsibility and so does the father. I suggest this;
Step 1. Contact father-politely ask to meet somewhere to talk about something important that has happened that effects him. If he wants to talk about it over the phone, that is okay-be kind, calm and do not react to his reaction at all. A simple, I need you to know that I am pregnant. Do not respond to negative. If it is positive, tell him and have an open discussion about it and what you may want your plans to be. Keep healthy communication open.
Step 2. Tell your boyfriend immediately-tell him you found out and have already contacted the father and discuss your plans and you want to discuss these plans with him too. Again, do not respond to negative reaction.
Step 3. If you mastered all this, go pig out on ice cream for keeping your cool and doing a good job in an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes life takes a twist and it is all in how you handle it. Sometimes doing the right thing is difficult. I think you know what to do and you will do a good job of handling it. Hope it works out okay and congrats on the pregnancy!
I know everyone is saying this to you.. but condoms are not just for preventing children...
Being with someone for 2 months and them saying they have been checked is not safe enough. That new of a relationship can mean possible other partners. In the future, PLEASE use condoms. I used them even when on the pill. Your situation can happen to lots of single girls, so no judgement there. A "oppsie" baby is still a blessing... I dont think anyone ever said that about "oppsie" herpies.
I actually met for tea with him and told him and he wants to be as involved as possible in the babies life.
Anywho just wanted to say thank you so much for being nice to me. You are a wonderful person.
I appreciate both answers so much. Baby brain prohibited me from wording my question correctly.
-the baby daddy is the guy I was dating for 2 or so months. We were good friends who decided to try dating. He had only been with 2 previous partners and I had as well. Neither of us had been with anyone in well over 8 months and had clear std checks. We stopped sleeping together oct 15th after deciding it just wasn't working out.
-new guy I have JUST started dating, we haven't even had sex yet lol so I am 100% positive he is not the baby daddy.
Thanks for your answers and concerns
I will 1000000% be using condoms after this baby and until I am married lol.
P.s both guys want to be in my life and the baby's life as much as possible. So everything kinda worked out
Your post is VERY confusing. You now are saying you have never had sex with the new guy but in your OP you stated that your friend hooked you up with a new guy and you told him of your condition and you both decided the 'pull-out' method would do the trick. :-t
It's amazing to me that we have so many virgins before marriage on here! *sarcastic font*
I don't in any way think OP is a slut (and my number is not low), but I do think that she made not the smartest decisions here and should avoid those decisions in the future, and maybe this advice will reach someone else who needs it as well. I do think that it's really easy to say, oh we both got tested and there are no issues. Again, after knowing people in public health, I know that it's easy for people to say they're clean when they don't exhibit any symptoms because they never think about it. There are also STIs that don't show up at first or that aren't on a standard panel test. I also find it interesting that they'd only been seeing each other for 2 months but before they ever slept together they agreed to go get tested, but were fine with using no protection after that. People also lie about their number of partners. You don't have to be a 'slut' or have had many partners to have an STI, and that's a pretty crappy statement to make. Also, OP didn't really mention any sort of STI tests until after people said that she should get tested, so how was anyone to know that she had been proactive about that. I don't think OP will be a bad mother, I do think she needs to get her legal ducks in order and then make sure she's taking care of her reproductive health in a responsible manner.
A lot of doctors, when they suspect PCOS or diagnose it, give what can be taken as a reproductive death sentence and I really wish they wouldn't. It's lazy and leads to things like this decently often. Some women with PCOS do have trouble, but a lot don't, and it leads to unknowingly risky behavior. I do know people who are convinced they can't get pregnant because they haven't yet without protection. And that's just Russian Roulette with your reproductive system.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
You understood EXACTLY how I meant it. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much
I doubt she doesn't understand that if she doesn't use condoms all the time she is at risk for getting an STV (virus not a disease...but I'm sure you know since you guys are doctors).
I believe she said she has slept with as little as 4 people? I am assuming both of you have used protection your entire life when it comes to sex, good job! But that doesn't happen, surprise! All the time, even if someone is fully educated on how contracting STVs work.
Also, both her and the guy were tested, how do you know they didn't show each other their sheets that proved they were STV free??? You guys are assuming a lot.
But like I said, thanks so much for the lesson on STVs....
Definition of disease from Webster-Merriam dictionary, "a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms"
Any STI (sexually transmitted INFECTION) including viral infections is considered an STD when it manifests itself with symptoms or alters the way your body functions.
I've never heard the term STV. Gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia are not viruses and you can catch those from unprotected sex too dear. So no, STV is not the correct term in this case.
But I'm sure you know that, since you're a PHYSICIAN, right?
Baby #1 due June 5th, 2014
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge: