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Taking Your Advice

PamelacakePamelacake member
in Blended Families

I am doing it. DH and I will have a long talk when he gets home and he probably won't like it.

I have been hating life for a little while now.. partly hormones but all of the extra BS doesn't help. DH needs to step up. He HAS to cut back his hours at work. I can't deal with it all. I have had no time for me since I have been in a BF and it shouldn't be like this.

I think it's just in my nature to be protective of SD's.

I will still take care of SD's needs at home like homework, dinner and those kinds of things but I do want to be out of the dealing with BM situation. I pray that a hearing is set very soon for the counselor to supervise the visits.. that will take a lot of stress off.

Some may be rolling eyes and shaking heads saying Finally! But the situation really isn't that simple for me.

Thank you ladies for putting things in perspective for me once again (= I am kind of stubborn and sometimes it takes a lot!

 

BabyFruit Ticker

                                                   

   Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

 

My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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Re: Taking Your Advice

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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    Don't have a long talk, simply say iam not doing this anymore and stand your ground. There is no dicsussion to be had. And believe me, I know EXACTLY what you are going thru, EXCEPT my husband isn't a workaholic, he just gladly let me take care of the hard stuff and it left me resentful, the kids not respecting him and didn't make a damn but of difference with biological mother. I am much happier now, dh is happier and the kids are happier. So instead of thinking I am the bad guy who doesn't know your life, consider that I have walked in your shoes and my advice is going to actually help all of you
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    Yeah and I think that's what I've been afraid of. I'm pretty sure DH will lose these girls if I am completely out of anything to do with it. I was appointed their legal guardian over the summer and I don't want to voluntarily give that up. DH still has all rights but BM can't take them from him, she would have to go through me too.

    I don't want to fight with him, I hate fighting, I would rather walk away and talk things out. BM and DH fought constantly in front of all of his kids. I don't want that for any of the kids. My k's have never been around that.

    I can be crying over a commercial on T.V. and SD's will ask me if I'm ok and start crying and asking me not to leave. That's how bad it was.

    I'm usually pretty optimistic but as I was typing the post I was thinking exactly what you said about it not working.

    I think I am going to send SD'S and DS for a play date with a cousin's kids so I can bring this up in case it gets heated and any yelling is involved, the offer was brought up so I think I'm going to take it.. there may not be any yelling or anything like that but there is a lot we need to discuss and the kids don't need to hear.

    I'm also afraid that he will agree just to make me happy for the moment and not follow through. I guess only time will tell.

    Thanks again J

    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    ldmessing said:
    Don't have a long talk, simply say iam not doing this anymore and stand your ground. There is no dicsussion to be had. And believe me, I know EXACTLY what you are going thru, EXCEPT my husband isn't a workaholic, he just gladly let me take care of the hard stuff and it left me resentful, the kids not respecting him and didn't make a damn but of difference with biological mother. I am much happier now, dh is happier and the kids are happier. So instead of thinking I am the bad guy who doesn't know your life, consider that I have walked in your shoes and my advice is going to actually help all of you

    I appreciate all advice and I didn't think you or anyone else here was a bad guy. I apologize if I said anything to make you feel that way. That is my goal to not be resentful, I will have to turn it around bc I think It has pretty much already begun. I think that started a while ago and It's just now coming out. I have a very hard time expressing feelings, I always have. But I have never been one to be walked until I came to this situation, by kids and adults and the time for me to say something is way overdue. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    So do you and DH both have legal custody or do YOU actually have custody of those kids and not him?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    I don't have legal custody.. just DH. I just have legal guardianship so if anything happens to DH to where he can't care for SD's, out of work, disabled, goes to jail (not that we have any worries about that, I wouldn't be here if that were an issue), anything they go to me. If I pass on this, they will not go to BM. She is unfit in the court's eyes and I'm afraid they would go to the state like a children's home, foster homes, etc. That scares me a lot and I'm not sure that they would be better off in one of those places or with BM. I know there are good foster families out there but I have not heard of many in my area. It doesn't take much to get a license for that either.. you have to go through more to get a foster license for dogs than kids.
    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Several of us have been where you are, and I know your past makes you want to make sure your kids have a better life. I get that.  I am tough because I don't want your marriage to fall apart like mine did.  There were other reasons, but a lot of it was me trying to control a trainwreck that was inevitable.

    I resented XH. I also lost all my respect for him.  My health declined. My appearance and mental and emotional health declined...all because I was doing more than I should.

     

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    I'm sorry you had to go through all of that and I really do appreciate everything.
    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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