3rd Trimester

Family refusing to get Tdap; What would you do?

My mother and father (grandparents) are refusing to get the Tdap.  My sister is allergic to the Tdap and cannot receive the vaccine which I understand.  But my mother in particular who is going to babysit the child is specifically refusing as she thinks the vaccine will kill her...no joke.  I have had it, my husband and in-laws.  It has become a HUGE problem with my family and our Dr. said that I should not let my mother go around the baby (this is her first grandchild and this would be heartbreaking).  My big concern is that she always has a "cough" and works for a bank meeting with customers daily and touching dirty money...what would you do?

Re: Family refusing to get Tdap; What would you do?

  • What is Tdap???
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  • I wouldn't assume that because she always has a cough that your mom has Pertussis. Do you live in an area with an outbreak of whooping cough?  That said....they are aware they are pretty much just getting a routine tetanus shot? 

     

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  • imageacaudill75:
    What is Tdap???

    It's the Tetanus, Diptheria and Pertussis ( whooping cough) vaccine. There have been outbreaks of whooping cough in some areas due to children either not being vaccinated or people coming into the country and it being vaccinated either. 

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  • I wouldn't stress out about it too bad.  DH and I got it when we had DD1, but my mom (who watches DD FT didn't get it).  She did however get the flu shot, which is recommended since babies can't get it until they're at least 6months.  If your mom was going to be your FT DC provider then maybe I'd force the issue.
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  • My in laws are getting it and so is my husband. My mother is refusing to get it , and they told me that i didn't have to get it till 2 days after the birth, so I'm just not going to get it at all


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  • Ahh, I will have to check my records and make sure DH and I are up to date then ... Throw in a distemper too. 

     To answer OP, your baby, your rules.

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  • I will have the vaccine at the hospital, DH got his at his annual check up this year but my docs have never suggested that extended family needed to have the vaccine.

    If you mom is your main childcare provider then I might encourage it.  I am sure it's a requirement for daycare workers to be up to date on their immunizations.  If she is only watching LO occasionally I would not push so hard.  If you are really concerned and she is coughing on the the baby or you think she will be coughing on the baby, ask her to wear a mask.

     

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  • My MIL was hesitant. Both my babies are small for gestational age and will be born at 37w at the latest due to cholestasis. I know some people think it's ridiculous but my husband actually said sorry we won't let you around them (she was going to be watching them once a week when I go back to work part time). She decided to get it! Maybe if you talk to your doctor about getting more info for your mom. If my mom said that I would straight tell her either get it or tough sh*t about watching them. My kids will also be preemies which is even worse. My friend's child just had it and she said rushing him to the hospital with breathing issues was the most stressful thing she has ever had to deal with! 

    I work in a hospital on L&D and they do recommend mom and dad plus anyone "watching babies" gets it. There's an article specifically about grandparents somewhere on the net also... 

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  • You can do whatever you would like - however, I think the Dr saying she can't be around the baby at all is a bit extreme. 

    I was vaccinated in the hospital when I had the boys - but DH never was.  My mom spends time with them once a week or so and doesn't have the new vaccination.  I'm just one of those people who doesn't over worry it.  The boys are getting all of their vaccinations on the regular schedule and aren't in daycare, and have yet to have anything more than a cold.

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  • You can't force family to do something they don't want to do. If its that a big of a deal to you then don't bring your baby around them, although that seems kind of crazy to me. Your baby is going to be around people all the time that haven't had the Tdap, you can't protect them from everything all the time. I think your doctor is over reacting just a bit. If it were me I'd let it go and it wouldn't stop me from bringing my baby to my parents house.
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  • Anyone who isn't feeling great isn't going to be around the kid for a minimum of LO's first 6 months regardless of immunizations.  Anyone babysitting is also required to have had a TDAP and a flu shot as well, at least until the kid is 2 years old.  We don't mess with potentially deadly illnesses.
  • I'm allergic to is so I can't get it. I think it is a little extreme to not let your mother go around your baby if she can't have it. Just if she is sick, don't have her around your baby.
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  • I'm curious... I got a tetanus shot a few years ago (3 or 4) for school.  Would that have been the Tdap?  And how long does it last?
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  • OP, I have also broached the subject of Tdap with the grandparents and my brother.  All were happy to get it as it can save your baby's life, especially if you live in an area where pertussis is endemic and vaccination rates are reduced.  DH and I have already decided that anyone unwilling to get the vaccine won't be seeing our twins until they are old enough to be vaccinated themselves.

     

    A woman my mother works with actually had her own grandson contract pertussis as an infant and the baby not only had to be hospitalized, but had to be on a SIDS monitor when he was brought home.  No one being mad at us is worth our children's lives.  Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for protecting your baby!

     

     

    imagesbost0118:
    I'm curious... I got a tetanus shot a few years ago (3 or 4) for school.  Would that have been the Tdap?  And how long does it last?

     

    It is likely that you were given the dT booster which is the diptheria and tetanus portions without pertussis.  If you aren't sure it's not going to hurt you to get the full booster.

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  • Not all families respect the "if you are sick stay away rule!" and whooping cough in adults is just Laryngitis, so an adult can think that they just lost their voice because there are no other symptoms and think they are fine when in fact they could have just exposed your baby to Whooping Cough.... it is DEADLY to babies! I wouldn't want to take that risk. And I don't think they would want to be worried about getting their grandchild sick! Sounds very selfish to me. That being said, there are certain states that have had outbreaks and some that have not. I live in a border state so we are a little more careful when it comes to things like this. I say you have to do whats best for your baby! I would think that other family members would want that too.
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  • Also, just to add if your mother has a "cough" all the time. That just makes me uncomfortable. Who the heck knows what she is dealing with, it could be reflux or it could be more serious (even if it's not contagious) you would never be sure if she is a constant "cougher" unless she had it investigated further... My husband has a cough that's caused by reflux, he will be getting the shot.
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  • imageSheenaNash1:
    You can't force family to do something they don't want to do. If its that a big of a deal to you then don't bring your baby around them, although that seems kind of crazy to me. Your baby is going to be around people all the time that haven't had the Tdap, you can't protect them from everything all the time. I think your doctor is over reacting just a bit. If it were me I'd let it go and it wouldn't stop me from bringing my baby to my parents house.

     

    This...your MD is being an alarmist and it's completely uncalled for.

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  • imagemrs+harlow:

    I wouldn't assume that because she always has a cough that your mom has Pertussis. Do you live in an area with an outbreak of whooping cough?  That said....they are aware they are pretty much just getting a routine tetanus shot? 

     

     i would not agree with the 'just a routine tetanus shot'. i can take the tetanus shot with no problem, i had the shot for pertusis and stopped breathing and went into a coma when i was little.

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  • Really makes me wonder how in the world we didn't have a pertussis epidemic be for the vaccine became so highly recommended. In real estate we used to call that panic selling - inducing a state of fear to sell a product.

     I once had a friend who had a friend that tore from her v to her a naturally and had to have reconstructive surgery, so she advised everyone get an episiotomy. Glad I did my research instead of listening to a horror story.

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  • You didn't have Tdap, you had DTaP.  They are different vaccines.  Tdap was not around when you are little (it wasn't around until a few years ago, I don't care how young you were) and is not routinely given to children, DTaP is.
  • imageRobinsegg23:

    Really makes me wonder how in the world we didn't have a pertussis epidemic be for the vaccine became so highly recommended. In real estate we used to call that panic selling - inducing a state of fear to sell a product.

     I once had a friend who had a friend that tore from her v to her a naturally and had to have reconstructive surgery, so she advised everyone get an episiotomy. Glad I did my research instead of listening to a horror story.

    I agree with this.  My kids survived without this years ago and they were preemies with a high risk of sids!  C'mon now....forcing people to be vaccinated is quite extreme!  How did babies survive before this vaccine!  Just make sure to vaccinate your baby when they are due.  They will be just fine!

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  • The baby will get the Dtap vaccine at 2 months.  As a Pediatric ICU nurse, this is one of the main reasons I didn't take my first baby into crowded public areas until after he received his vaccines at 2 months.  I have seen tiny babies suffer with this illness and it is terrible to see them, and many do not survive.   In adults, you will just seem like you have a bad cold.  I think it is helpful for family who will be around baby to have the vaccine, but you can't make someone get it.  You just need to set the ground rules that anyone who has a cough, runny nose, fever, etc. cannot be around the baby at all. And make sure that everyone washes their hands before touching the baby.  My family thought I was a little crazy with the handwashing, but I reminded them of where I work, and they just did what I asked. 

  • My family knows that in order to be around my baby they must have the tdap shot (unless of course someone is allergic, then they need to be extra good about washing their hands and not allowed around when sick). As a nurse I have seen newborn infants die from Pertussis. If a newborn comes down with a case of Pertussis survival rate is generally about 15%., it is extremely life threatening to newborns!
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  • imageabbyhannah8:
    If a newborn comes down with a case of Pertussis survival rate is generally about 15%.

    Yeah I'm going to have to call BS on this one.

  • It's your baby..do what you are comfortable with ALWAYS! That being said...no one in my family is getting it.  Where was this Tdap years ago when there were less vaccines and women still had babies.  It's nice to have the option but I personally believe it's up there with no being able to eat soft serve ice cream during pregnancy...hyperparanoid society.
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  • I was told it is not a bad idea for me to get it.  The doctor said there is some evidance that if that mother gets it while the baby is in gestation that some of the antibodies may get passed on. 

    I'm a special education teacher and I did have a student that was very disabled almost die from pertussis.  It looked like nothing more than a mild cold on a Thursday and by the time Friday rolled around he was in the hospital. 

    I would agree with one of the PPs that some people don't feel the need to wash their hands or will still come around when they are sick.  That being said some people just don't believe in vaccines.  I personally resent the fact that people are will to expose me and mine to things that could be deadly.  That being said, you have to decide what you feel comfortable with. 

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  • imagebride2005!!:
    It's your baby..do what you are comfortable with ALWAYS! That being said...no one in my family is getting it.  Where was this Tdap years ago when there were less vaccines and women still had babies.  It's nice to have the option but I personally believe it's up there with no being able to eat soft serve ice cream during pregnancy...hyperparanoid society.

    No softserve? Now that's a new one for me!

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  • imagemrs+harlow:

    imageacaudill75:
    What is Tdap???

    It's the Tetanus, Diptheria and Pertussis ( whooping cough) vaccine. There have been outbreaks of whooping cough in some areas due to children either not being vaccinated or people coming into the country and it being vaccinated either. 

    Thanks, I don't think I've heard of it either, but it may not be top concern in my area.

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  • I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only with parents (my dad in this case) who refuses the TDAP. It's stressful already to be pregnant and with the hormones it doesn't help. It looks like babies will be >80% immunized after 6 months of age and that might leave you with a few months where your mom won't be able to help babysit (could be a financial stress to find someone else) but maybe washing the hands etc could help. I'm still coming to terms with what to do with my parents since my mom would also be my daycare provider (who thankfully said she would get the shot) but she lives with my dad (who refuses).... so totally understand what you are going through but it's almost impossible to convince older parents to get a shot when they refuse (since it wasn't around when we were children and their default answer is we've been raised fine without it) ... ignorance, herd mentality.. whatever you want to call it ... you do what you feel is right for you and your baby and maybe once the baby is born re-evaluate. The hormones might be less and you and your family might be able to reach a compromise by then .. Good luck!
  • You guys realize this post almost 2 yrs old, right?

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  • Ximena M said:

    I was told it is not a bad idea for me to get it.  The doctor said there is some evidance that if that mother gets it while the baby is in gestation that some of the antibodies may get passed on. 

    This is true.  OP - Ask your doctor about getting the vaccination yourself while you're pregnant.  It's not as effective as the baby's own vaccination at 2 months, but it will help some.
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  • My OB said only my husband, my daycare provider and I needed the TDAP.  That being said, I live in a state where there is an outbreak. Guess what? TDAP shot is on back order. Go figure.  I don't have a problem letting anyone see my baby that is sick. But we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
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  • Not all families respect the "if you are sick stay away rule!" and whooping cough in adults is just Laryngitis, so an adult can think that they just lost their voice because there are no other symptoms and think they are fine when in fact they could have just exposed your baby to Whooping Cough.... it is DEADLY to babies! I wouldn't want to take that risk. And I don't think they would want to be worried about getting their grandchild sick! Sounds very selfish to me. That being said, there are certain states that have had outbreaks and some that have not. I live in a border state so we are a little more careful when it comes to things like this. I say you have to do whats best for your baby! I would think that other family members would want that too.
    umm whooping cough in adults is not laryngitis! I had it 2 years ago, and cracked a rib from coughing. I was on cough syrup with codein for 2 months to try and suppress the cough. It was hell. I actually didn't know about the vaccine, I would have got it for myself if I had known how bad it was! I wouldn't wish out on anyone's and I can see how it kills babies.

    However, I am not going to be strict on vaccinations, but I will be very strict on sick people. You sneeze, you get away from my kid.
  • This will be my first baby born during cold/flu season, which is always really bad here. I got the shot with DD#1, DH never had it though. I can tell you, that DD#1 had really bad croup once, and had to be hospitalized and it was very scary. I would just do what you felt was best, you are the mother and the best advocate of your child. I'm not pushing vaccines on my family but anyone who is not 100% well, is not going to be allowed around baby. My MIL came to the hospital when DD#2 was born with a bad cold, and baby was sick during her first week. It SUCKED! 
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  • I don't think asking her to be vaccinated is ridiculous. I think it's common sense. If she wouldn't think it was appropriate to walk up to your LO and spit in it's mouth because of germs, then why in God's name should she think it's ok to be around a baby without a vaccination for something that could kill him/her that she could expose them to unknowingly? Sorry. But if I were in your shoes, as heartbreaking as it would be to keep her away, I'd do it. If she needs further reasoning on why I'd tell her exactly this: "While I love you, I DO NOT love you as much as the life I have spent the last 9 months creating inside of me for you to potentially get him/her sick enough that they may not survive." I think this, while harsh, may put it in perspective for her. Your LO comes first, and that means her "phobia" of dying from the vaccine is second on the list of concerns.
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  • I had a booster of Tdap shortly before my first pregnancy, and now they recommend another during each pregnancy for mommy since getting it while pregnant offers your baby additional protection.  The reason they now recommend Pertussis boosters for adults is they have realized that the Pertussis vaccinations most of us got as children wear off in adulthood.  I taught public school for 12 years before I became a mommy and Whooping cough came through repeatedly.  That said, I encouraged my parents and Inlaws to get the vaccine, but I would not prevent them from spending time with my baby if they refused.  There are lots of other people who are around my little ones that may or may not have all their vaccines up to date, but I don't ask for their records either.
  • My husband and I don't do the tdap vaccine when we have a new baby and I cannot imagine asking family and friends to have a vaccine just to be around my kids.  If it's something that is important to you then by all means you have to do what you feel you have to do to protect your baby.  I am expecting my 4th and have never had my midwives, pediatricians, hospital staff during my previous 3 births even mention the tdap as something they think we should do with a new baby. 
  • I work for a doctor and I have talked to both him and my OB and they both told me that even if my family gets the shot the baby is going to be exposed to people every single day that have not been vaccinated.  The only sure way to make sure she was 100% protected was to not expose her to anyone that isn't up to date...and that is going to be impossible unless I kept her in a bubble.

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