BTDT moms - reward charts

That.Just.Happened · November 2013

EJ has become a bit of a PITA recently with regards to listening, eating dinner, going down for her nap, etc. (basically being a normal 3 year old). I was thinking about trying some sort of reward chart, but I don't know if she is too young for it. Any advice? Right now she does understand fairly immediate rewards (and loss of rewards). i.e. if she eats all her dinner, she gets dessert; if she is good about going down for her nap, she gets a treat when she gets up (and the threat of losing that treat is usually how I get her to behave).

But it is still a struggle and in general her listening/behaving/doing what we ask is not the best. I just don't know that she is old enough to get/care about the concept of earning a bunch of stickers throughout the week to work towards one big reward at the end. Or maybe she is and I am just not giving her enough credit.

Any suggestions? And can you point me in the direction of exactly what such a system would look like and work, logistically? i.e. what is on the chart? How is it laid out (are there free printables online somewhere?). What do you offer as a reward, how do they earn it, do you ever take anything away, etc?

Thanks ladies!

EmR22 · November 2013

I don't have a sticker chart but something my DD1 therapist said stuck with me (she has anxiety so not related) and it was to go with positive reinforcement not negative. So my kids earn rewards by doing good things -- we don't have an actual chart though. My suggestion would be something along the lines of earning stickers for doing certain things and maybe at the end of a certain time period she can cash them in.

I would list the "problem" things you are dealing with but also some gimme ones that she does well so that she stays positive (like brushing teeth, helping clean up, helping with laundry -- basically good helpful things she already does without knowing it). How often she cashes stickers in for prizes would be up to you. Maybe if she earns x in a day she gets an extra book read to her, or 10 minutes extra snuggle with mom or dad. I think the reward doesn't always have to be a toy or a treat but maybe if she is motivated it could be "if you earn x stickers in a week you get to pick a new book book from the store".

Do you think DD is acting out more now that LO is here? I know my DD's have done that recently so some of the best rewards have been alone time with mom or dad. It could be at home for 10 min or my DH took them each (separately when they earned it) to McDonalds for a cone. But they craved the attention and would do anything to get it.

Hope some of my ideas help.

SarahinMD · November 2013

I'm mobile bumping. How old is she?

SarahinMD · November 2013

Sorry now I see. We have good luck with two different things with DD1: 1. A marble jar we add marble when she does good things and earns a toy she wants and (2) a routine chart. I got a magnetic dry write board and printed squares with things like brush teeth, go potty, etc. broke it into mornig, day and night routines and we let her make a mark next to each when she does them

MommyKristin88 · November 2013

Reward charts never worked for us. When my daughter didn't want to listen, bringing up that chart was pointless. What helped was thinking of something that would be important at that moment: such as saying if she ate all her dinner she could watch 1 episode of Dora afterwards. That didn't always work though if she wasn't interested in tv. Sometimes the reward was ice cream, extra play time, getting her nails polished that day, etc.

I didn't like the idea of taking stuff away. We've only done it once, and that was because my daughter refused to stop drawing on stuff. We lived in a rental, and she was drawing on stuff we couldn't easily paint over (the counters, doors, and carpet!). Finally we took her DS away for one week. She hasn't colored on anything other than paper since then. She talks about it, too, saying things like 'can I have my markers; I promise I will only color on paper'. She learned from it, but I would only take stuff away in extreme situations.

BelhurstBride · November 2013

Meh, not my style so I've never tried them. I really like the ideas I've gotten from Unconditional Parenting, the Positive Disciple series and Connection Parenting. They've given me ideas and have helped to keep me in check with regards to realistic, developmentally appropriate expectations.

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