Gun in the home?

Maizey06 · October 2013

DH bought a Groupon for a shooting range/gun certification class. I was totally fine with that but now that he received his certification he wants to buy a gun. I am completely against a gun in the house. He said it would be locked and we would not have bullets. That does not make me feel any better. I do not want a gun in the house. We are not in a fight about it but he said this is his house too so he has a equal say. Am I being unreasonable?

sdlaura · October 2013

I know based on past discussions that I will be in the minority, but I would not be ok with a gun in my home. I don't know anyone who owns a gun and I don't know anyone who hunts, so I don't think it should be an issue for us. When LO is old enough to go on play dates alone I plan on asking whether there are any guns in the home. I found this recent article to be really interesting/scary: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/29/us/children-and-guns-the-hidden-toll.html?_r=0

MoFree · October 2013

L12541 said:

I know based on past discussions that I will be in the minority, but I would not be ok with a gun in my home. I don't know anyone who owns a gun and I don't know anyone who hunts, so I don't think it should be an issue for us. When LO is old enough to go on play dates alone I plan on asking whether there are any guns in the home.

. I'm with you @L12541. No guns in my house ever, not negotiable.

alrighthamilton · October 2013

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I grew up with guns in our house. We lived way out in the secluded county, and my dad traveled all of the time for work. We had them for protection and target shooting. We were taught to use them at a relatively young age. However, I don't want one at our house, especially now that we have Kate. A classmate of mine shot himself in the face messing around with his parent's gun, and that thought still sticks with me. I know this a heated and highly personal topic, but I don't think you're unreasonable for not wanting one in your house.

Maizey06 · October 2013

I have not been around guns. What I really struggle with is the 'why'. We live in the city. DH does not hunt and any shooting ranges are in the suburbs so it is a drive. I feel like it will just be a fad. I am just so nervous that the gun could get in the wrong hands, whether it being our child or if someone were to steal it and then commit a crime with it.

I live in a colorful neighborhood in Chicago and see too many senseless shootings happen just blocks from our home. They make me uneasy.

skooz · October 2013

Why does a gun make you uncomfortable if you won't even keep bullets in the house? I'm not really understanding that part, so that does seem unreasonable to me. You could do way more damage with a baseball bat or a knife, which most people have in their houses, than an unloaded gun.

sdlaura · October 2013

BPaws said:

@L12541 That article is a great example of stupid people owning guns. Smart, knowledgeable gun owners don't stash guns under the couch or point guns at other people's faces. That speaks a hell of a lot more to the gun owner than the guns themselves. I know Canada has stricter storage laws, but it really, really floors me whenever I read articles like this. Keeping a gun in a flipping drawer? That's absolutely ridiculous.

Yes, I agree with you that most of the gun owners in the article are idiots for the way they store their guns. But I also think it pointed out the craziness of the American gun lobby being against even common sense gun laws (like the ones that you have in Canada). I agree with the person quoted in the article who marveled at how we have child-proof aspirin bottles, but not child-proof guns. It's crazy that no one has used technology to make guns safer.

ks3pink · October 2013

I don't really like guns and was ok with my husband's two guns he had when we met but now he has become a gun enthusiast. I would say there are seven or eight guns in his safe now. Blows my mind. But he keeps them unloaded and locked in a safe so I don't feel like there's any reason for me to throw a fit about them. He's very careful and knows how I feel.

The only issue we have had is his concealed handgun that he thought for a while he needed to have on him all the time. I was not ok with him wearing it around the house and let him know the first time I saw it. He listened to my concern and put it away.

I still don't like them but being from the south and living in the country it's pretty much a given that everyone has a gun in their home. As long as DH continues to be safe with them I will continue to deal.

alrighthamilton · October 2013

ks3pink said:

I still don't like them but being from the south and living in the country it's pretty much a given that everyone has a gun in their home. As long as DH continues to be safe with them I will continue to deal.

I think you you're right-the geographic area you live in has a lot to do with gun views. In the country where I grew up, pretty much everyone had a gun, at least for hunting. Boys in high school kept them in their trucks during hunting season, out in the high school parking lot. The neighborhood I live in now, while only a half hour away, is very liberal and I am willing to bet the majority of people here don't own guns. And I agree about the baseball bat comment-my self protection at home is a canister of pepper spray and a Louisville Slugger.

rp-chicago-mom · October 2013

@L12541, I can't read articles like that. I get too angry. It should be a criminal offense if a child accidentally dies at the hand of a poorly stowed gun. Why they bothered having kids when they planned to be so careless is beyond me.

Anyway, @Maizey06, despite what people believe or don't about gin laws, I think both parties in a relationship need to be on board about a gun in the home. I wouldn't be and would not be able to let it go. I don 't care if other people have them (responsibly) but I don't want one in my house. I think a baseball bat is much more effective than a properly stored gun would ever be. Those are your values and it's not unreasonable to hold onto them.

*that's gun laws.

vvvvvfee · October 2013

L12541 said:

I know based on past discussions that I will be in the minority, but I would not be ok with a gun in my home. When LO is old enough to go on play dates alone I plan on asking whether there are any guns in the home.

this exactly. DH and i agree. just thinking about the idea of a small child accidentally shooting themselves makes me feel nauseous.

sosoph · October 2013

BPaws said:

@L12541 That article is a great example of stupid people owning guns. Smart, knowledgeable gun owners don't stash guns under the couch or point guns at other people's faces. That speaks a hell of a lot more to the gun owner than the guns themselves. I know Canada has stricter storage laws, but it really, really floors me whenever I read articles like this. Keeping a gun in a flipping drawer? That's absolutely ridiculous.

A lethal, weapon safely stored is still a lethal weapon. Stupid is thinking otherwise.
I was about to link to this article. It has many stories of people who had reasonable storage plans that went wrong. Accidents are accidents. Just because you have a safe and normally store ammo in a secondary location doesn't mean that there won't be an exception, like what is detailed in too many of these stories. Is the risk of such an accident worth it to you? One of the mothers says she'd take anything to have her tv stolen now if she could have her son back.
The article also highlights how the NRA deliberately lowballs their numbers of child-gun accidents.
My opinion is that guns are for killing, and what exactly do you need to kill in your own home? Nothing? then no need for a gun there. (hunting for food - not sport- is a different story, and even those weapons don't need to be stored inside the home.)

abbyful · October 2013

I suggest, even if you hate guns, taking a basic firearms class. I think if there is a gun in the house, or even if you are considering having a gun in the house, EVERYBODY (all adults) needs to be aware and know how it works and the safety involved. I'm also very against keeping kids in the dark about firearms, I think they need to know what they are and how to act around them.

The NRA has a great program called the "Eddie Eagle" program. It teaches kids "don't touch, tell an adult!" if they come across a gun. Even if you don't have guns in your house, the kids may play at a friend's house that the parents have guns. Even if you ask, the parents may lie because they don't want to be judged. Or maybe they have a relative visiting that happens to have a gun. Better to err on the side of caution that your kid may find themselves in a situation where a gun may be present, it's better for them to know what to do rather than think it's a toy.

https://eddieeagle.nra.org/

We have guns. I don't even know how many, a lot (over a dozen, mostly rifles and shotguns for hunting, and a few handguns).

I grew up on a farm. Everybody in my community hunted too. I learned to shoot when I was 6 years old. Took 4-H shooting sports project. Took hunter safety class. Now I have my CCW.

I think it's a lot of how you grow up how you feel about guns. (I grew up on a farm. There's lot of stuff that can kill or severely injure you: guns, tractors, cattle, etc.; so there were strict rules about how to act around all those things.) Since I grew up around them, they don't scare me, and I was taught to treat them with great respect. And 100% of the time, follow gun safety rules:

1. Treat all guns as if they are loaded.

2. Never point a gun at anything you aren't intending to kill/destroy.

3. Always be 100% sure of your target and what is behind it.

4. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are the target lined up in your sights.

We keep all our guns in our gun-safe, except for the ones we have for CCW. Those are out of reach of DS, and we are going to get a blind-open safe for those soon. An unloaded gun locked up in another room is useless for self-defense if, god forbid, someone broke into your house intending to do you or your children harm.

https://www.cabelas.com/product/Home-Cabin/Furniture/Gun-Safes%7C/pc/104798880/c/104725080/sc/104369580/GunVault-1000-and-2000/731977.uts?destination=%2Fcatalog%2Fbrowse.cmd%3FN%3D1101274%26WTz_l%3DSBC%253BBRprd731993&WTz_l=SBC%3BBRprd731993%3Bcat104369580

zbeesma86 · October 2013

It definitely needs to be a united front with owning a gun. You both need to know how to use it, how to check if it is loaded, and have safe places in the home where you and your hubby can keep it. I used to be a cop and still have my firearm for protection. Both of our safes are in places we can access within seconds if need be.

I've seen the good and bad of gun ownership. People not storing them correctly (not locking the safe,wrapped in a blanket under the bed or between the mattress and box spring) or not being educated on proper gun etiquette (safety being on/off, not touching the trigger UNLESS you are aiming to fire, checking to see if one is in the chamber). Sadly these are where the accidents happen. I never once walked into a crime scene where a kid broke into a gun safe.

My father owned guns growing up. They were in a safe in the basement. Locked. He hunted and skirmished. He also had one upstairs for protection. We were taught at a young age that if we were to find one, which we never did, but IF we did to immediately go tell an adult and not to touch it.

Owning a gun is a personal choice. I own one for protection. If anyone were to break into my home with intent to hurt me or DD or DH I feel safe knowing I am trained and capable of protecting my family- and will at all costs. For those of you that don't want a gun, or feel safe around them- that's fine. But don't judge those who have them.

CoUnTryBB1 · October 2013

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I grew up with guns around so they don't bother me as much as I am very comfortable with handling them and proper use. I think if feel uncomfortable then you should let him know and he should respect that.

austenfan919 · October 2013

I don't think you are being unreasonable. The house belongs to both of you, so you both need to agree.

We have a couple of guns, which are stored in a combination safe, unloaded. I don't love it, TBH, but I knew before we got married that it was important to DH. We compromised on fewer guns than he had had previously.

So I don't think owning a gun is a bad thing, but if you aren't comfortable with it, you have a say, too. But maybe you should learn to shoot one and talk through how your H would want to store them before you say never. If you still don't want one, you are definitely entitled to your opinion, but at least it would show your H that you considered it.

zbeesma86 · October 2013

CourtandNate said:

I am definitely an odd ball. My husband and I both maintain our concealed carry permits. We own 4 firearms. I WANT my DH to be carrying esp when DD is arround. We have them as protection. I refuse to store ammunition separately from the firearm and will never allow my family to be victims to a lunatic. This being said I don't think guns are for everyone. You need to be comfortable with it. I would never tell you that you HAVE to own one. I also don't want anyone telling me I can't. We keep them in a biometric safe... no keys to worry about no worries of DD seeing us put in a code and memorizing it.
I should have saved this for the UO lol

End of my NRA rant lol

same same same.

sdlaura · October 2013

abbyful said:

I suggest, even if you hate guns, taking a basic firearms class. I think if there is a gun in the house, or even if you are considering having a gun in the house, EVERYBODY (all adults) needs to be aware and know how it works and the safety involved. I'm also very against keeping kids in the dark about firearms, I think they need to know what they are and how to act around them.

The NRA has a great program called the "Eddie Eagle" program. It teaches kids "don't touch, tell an adult!" if they come across a gun. Even if you don't have guns in your house, the kids may play at a friend's house that the parents have guns. Even if you ask, the parents may lie because they don't want to be judged. Or maybe they have a relative visiting that happens to have a gun. Better to err on the side of caution that your kid may find themselves in a situation where a gun may be present, it's better for them to know what to do rather than think it's a toy.
https://eddieeagle.nra.org/

We have guns. I don't even know how many, a lot (over a dozen, mostly rifles and shotguns for hunting, and a few handguns).

I grew up on a farm. Everybody in my community hunted too. I learned to shoot when I was 6 years old. Took 4-H shooting sports project. Took hunter safety class. Now I have my CCW.

I think it's a lot of how you grow up how you feel about guns. (I grew up on a farm. There's lot of stuff that can kill or severely injure you: guns, tractors, cattle, etc.; so there were strict rules about how to act around all those things.) Since I grew up around them, they don't scare me, and I was taught to treat them with great respect. And 100% of the time, follow gun safety rules:
1. Treat all guns as if they are loaded.
2. Never point a gun at anything you aren't intending to kill/destroy.
3. Always be 100% sure of your target and what is behind it.
4. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are the target lined up in your sights.

We keep all our guns in our gun-safe, except for the ones we have for CCW. Those are out of reach of DS, and we are going to get a blind-open safe for those soon. An unloaded gun locked up in another room is useless for self-defense if, god forbid, someone broke into your house intending to do you or your children harm.
https://www.cabelas.com/product/Home-Cabin/Furniture/Gun-Safes%7C/pc/104798880/c/104725080/sc/104369580/GunVault-1000-and-2000/731977.uts?destination=%2Fcatalog%2Fbrowse.cmd%3FN%3D1101274%26WTz_l%3DSBC%253BBRprd731993&WTz_l=SBC%3BBRprd731993%3Bcat104369580

Abbyful, did you read the NY Times article I linked above? It talks about the NRA's program, and how even with the Eddie Eagle training, most children, especially boys at a certain age, still are drawn to play with a gun if they see one.

sosoph · October 2013

BPaws said:

@sosoph by your reasoning we shouldn't keep knives or baseball bats in the house either. Those are potentially lethal weapons also but are less safely stored than most guns (at least in Canada). There are guns in my home, it would literally take me an hour + to get access to them. A knife however I can grab in mere seconds. This is fear mongering.
100%. We have a knife block on our kitchen counter. Our knives aren't kept under lock and key. As I said, a few times- guns ARE for killing- we use ours specifically for hunting food. They are under lock and key and barred door. The key to the door and the bars is kept in a lock box at the bank. The keys for the safes and trigger locks are kept on DF's person. DF is the only one who can access the bank lock box. There are two doors that cannot be opened without those keys. We hunt for food. Under Canadian law- the guns actually do need to be stored in our home- the place at which they are also registered. I understand having differing opinions on the subject, but calling me stupid because I believe our gun storage is safe, is a little bit over the line. I understand why people don't like guns, and I respect that completely. I think it's disappointing that a respectful

That is not what I said. I said that thinking safe storage makes guns safe is underestimating the risk (and outcome) of an accident. Which is precisely the sort of story highlighted in the NYTimes piece.

rp-chicago-mom · October 2013

The point isn't what all our opinions about guns are. It's about whether someone should have to have a gun in her home against her wishes. And I don't think so.

Jessica Swanlake · October 2013

I think there are some things that, as a couple, you can be flexible on and some things are a no go if one of the two are against it. Having guns in the house falls in the latter category.

For the record, I don't allow guns in our home and I do not allow people who carry them (like my dad, uncles, cousins) to bring them over the threshold. I had this same discussion with my DH. Once I was able to explain exactly why I was against having a gun in our home he had no other choice than but to back down.

Before you make any decision/ultimatum, you should ask yourself why it is you don't want one in the house, even if it is safely stored, so you can explain yourself clearly to him. You are not being unreasonable, but to avoid bad feelings, you need to be certain that you are articulate.

alake · October 2013

I grew up with a gun safe at our cottage. I have my hunting license and I am able to carry a gun. If needed in the future, I will have no issue keeping a gun at our cottage as protection (hello, bears!!)

shakinros · October 2013

No way, no how in my house. And I think if you're uncomfortable with it in your house, he shouldn't get to have one.

I respect that a number of ladies here who use guns for hunting and go to great lengths to keep them safely stored and guard against accidents. I think it's a huge mistake to assume that a gun you can access in seconds for "protection" can't be taken and used against you in the same imaginary future scenario.

rMe6411 · October 2013

hls19 said:

CourtandNate said:

I am definitely an odd ball. My husband and I both maintain our concealed carry permits. We own 4 firearms. I WANT my DH to be carrying esp when DD is arround. We have them as protection. I refuse to store ammunition separately from the firearm and will never allow my family to be victims to a lunatic. This being said I don't think guns are for everyone. You need to be comfortable with it. I would never tell you that you HAVE to own one. I also don't want anyone telling me I can't. We keep them in a biometric safe... no keys to worry about no worries of DD seeing us put in a code and memorizing it.
I should have saved this for the UO lol

End of my NRA rant lol

same same same.

Same here. We dont hunt, we have two for protection. I wasn't ok with it when DH first started talking about it. We took a gun class together. DSS at 7 had a class too. DD will learn when she gets older. In our house BECAUSE we have guns, there is absolutely no toy guns anywhere. Guns are not toys. The number one reason kids are involved in gun accidents is from pure curiosity. If you teach them the safety, how to use them, why you would ever use them, they lose the curiousity. We do not hunt but the world we live in now, I don't want to be in a position where my family doesn't have protection. I feel safe when DH carries his with him. Let me add, I hope we NEVER have to use our guns. I guess I'm in the uo too. I do not think your DH should continue on unless you are onboard with the idea. Guns I believe are an comparable subject. It is more dangerous for you to be around one if you don't feel comfortable.

zbeesma86 · October 2013

shakinros said:

No way, no how in my house. And I think if you're uncomfortable with it in your house, he shouldn't get to have one. I respect that a number of ladies here who use guns for hunting and go to great lengths to keep them safely stored and guard against accidents. I think it's a huge mistake to assume that a gun you can access in seconds for "protection" can't be taken and used against you in the same imaginary future scenario.

well shucks- I don't leave it out on the counter for all to see and access. it is in a fingerprint accessed safe (DH and I can only access) so I can assure you that won't happen. like ever. and if someone were to enter ones home with intent to harm- they will come prepared or armed. they won't be looking around for weapons or a gun safe to crack into.

Toni79 · November 2013

My DH is a police officer. So we have one gun and one gun only in our house. He keeps it locked in a gun safe unloaded. I have no idea where he even keeps the key!

DH grew up in the country around lots of guns - his step-dad was a police officer, and his mom and step-dad owned the only hunting store in town, and his dad also hunted.

Me ... I grew up in the subburbs so there were no guns in my house growing up.

Honestly I wan't thrilled with the idea of having one in the house. But with DH's job, I don't really have a choice. We've been married for 11 years (he's been an officer for 12) and I've never shot a gun or taken a class. We've talked about "educating" me to use it. But honestly I have no interest. And that's worked out well for us so far.

Having one in the house is scarry. It's one thing to only take them out of thier safes on occassion or on weekends to hunt, but DH's goes in and out of that safe EVERY SINGLE DAY, so we have to be extra diligent. It's always the first thing he does when he gets home!

But, now that we have DD, I think we could benifit by tweaking things a bit. I think we could be even safer! Maybe invest in one of those biometric's safes some of you mentioned. And maybe keep the bullets locked in a separate safe (like his current safe). Also, now that we have DD, I feel more inclinded to take a class and have DH take me to the range. Just so that I feel more comfortable with it being in the house now that we have a child.

As far as your situation ... like PPs have mentioned, you both need to be comfortable with it in the house. One person mentioned maybe having him rent a gun for a bit. That might be a good option for him to see how interested he is in having one, and to see how often he'd go to the range or go hunting. If it is something that he gets more and more involved with, then that could also give you time to get more comfortable with the situation. Or, maybe he'll loose interest?

GL!

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