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June 2013 Moms
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Ugh mom vs mil round 2

Ryanswifey619Ryanswifey619 member
in June 2013 Moms
Ever since my wedding, when my mom and mil got into before I walked down the aisle, about how mil did more than mom since mom lived in a different state, there has always been an unspoken competition between them. They are civil to eachother, but seem to always try to one up the other. Mil watched Jocelyn while DH and I got dinner, it was about 2hrs total. My friends are having a Halloween party tomorrow and my mom is going to watch Jocelyn. I told her is be gone maybe an hour at the least-I've been super tired and wanna try to get some sleep-my mom says well mil got her for longer than an hour, we want to also. Ugh. I've told DH that unfortunately joss is going to be thrown into the middle of this stupid battle. We've told everyone to be civil now that she's here, but it's not helping. We've told everyone that this year, we're having holidays here so everyone can see joss and she'll be at home if she needs a nap. Christmas will be interesting with the battle for best first Christmas gifts for her. Any suggestions on dealing with them?
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Re: Ugh mom vs mil round 2

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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    My nana used to say that she didn't provide for her kids equally, constantly.  She did for each what they needed done and that was going to be a constantly changing part of every equation.  Same with this.  Tell your mother that if she is happy to help you out when you need and likes spending time with your daughter, she needs to view every situation by itself.  No tallying of hours, no comparisons.  Your situation for the party is different from the last situation and if she's going to make it MORE of a hassle for you (by changing the plans to include more time) I'd let her know that you might need to make a different arrangement.

    Back when I spoke to my mother I had the same issue.  I told her in no uncertain terms that was never ever to burden me with a complaint so petty as an unspoken competition with my MIL.  If she wanted more time with the kids, ask for it.  DO NOT, make this about competition because the minute you do, you will lose every time based on the simple fact that I don't have time for that shit.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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