Self Employed but cannot take Maternity.. eek!

LunaGirl28 · October 2013

Hey guys,

I'm potentially about to try to get pregnant in a few months and a lot of questions have been on my mind. I would love some input...

I am currently self employed (work from home) and run a firm with a business partner. We are a few years in and it is going extremely well -- rapidly growing (but not well enough yet to hire extra help). I know that when and if I do have a baby, I won't have any maternity leave. I'll be able to take a few weeks after the baby is born, but after that is where I'm getting stressed. My business partner will definitely step up -- but she has her own kids to deal with -- and not fair to leave her to fend alone for more than 3 weeks. Anyone i've talked to about this says "can't you take 6 months to a year off?" Absolutely no way. We poured blood, sweat and tears into this business and if I walk away, it will mean everything was for nothing. Plus, I can't afford to.

Is it unrealistic to think I can work from home after 3 weeks? I know it will have to be flexible hours.. my mom lives 5 min away and will be helping a lot in the early months before we think of daycare. Will I be mentally and physically able to? I can literally work on my couch with a laptop -- nothing strenuous. Am I crazy to think that working will give me a sense of identity and break from the around-the-clock feedings, changings, etc? I don't know anyone else in this predicament and am desperate for some advice.

Thanks in advance

jnnfrrose6 · October 2013

Of course you can work from home after 3 weeks, but that's also assuming everything goes well with the birth and you don't need additional time to recover. There's a reason doctor's give you notes to take 6-8 weeks off.

If you do want to plan on it, the biggest thing to plan on is having help. It will be difficult (mentally and physically) to do it on your own. You'll feel like you aren't giving enough time to your new baby or your business if you don't have someone who can watch your LO for a few hours while you focus on the business. Be realistic with your time and expectations. Maybe start back part time in the beginning to see how it goes, and then you can add hours to your days as you get into a routine.

For me, I started doing some part time work from home during my ML, but that wasn't until at least 8 weeks in and it was tough because my priority was the baby, and while he was a great sleeper, you still could never count on his nap being long enough to get done what I needed.

obxlaurak · October 2013

6 months to a year sounds like a dream!

I think it's possible, especially if your mother can commit to coming over and helping for at least the first few weeks when you go back to work. What is your long term plan as far as childcare?

ks3pink · October 2013

Teacher do it all the time. I'm the only teacher I know that didn't do everything but go into the classroom and teach while on maternity leave. D that's because I had twins and did not have the time.

BeeGirl2 · November 2013

I am a business owner and in the same exact position. I was back at work in the office when DS #1 was 3 weeks old and when DS #2 was 10 days old. It was so hard and I planned to take more time with the 2nd baby but I just could not get the time off. My babies came to work with me until they were 3 months so that part was fantastic but it still was so so hard. It took a lot of strength but you find strength in places you didn't know you had it wheb you become a Mom. If you ever need to chat or have questions feel free to reach out. Do not let the lack of time of scare you, you will manage your time once baby arrives. GL!!

DiveFrog · November 2013

If EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING goes absolutely PERFECTLY with both your pregnancy (no complications, bed rest, early delivery), your delivery (no C-section, days long labor, serious tears, hemmorage, etc.), and your baby has absolutely no issues either (jaundice, low blood sugar, or others)

Then I could see how you could physically go back to work at 3 weeks.

Personally, I was still a hot mess at 3 weeks. I developed pre-e at 36 weeks, DD had to be delivered early, went through a 36hr failed induction followed by a C-section and a total of 5 days in the hospital. So, at 3 weeks I was still knee deep in physical recovery.

DD being small and early did well, but we fought Jaundice for the first 2.5weeks. We were taking her to the doctor for blood draws basically every other day for that 2.5weeks. Nursing was a struggle for DD and basically if she wasn't sleeping, she was attached to my chest...and in those early days there was no way I could have multi tasked and worked on my laptop while she nursed.

Anyway, like I said I am sure it can be done. Having family support and help and a DH that can really pitch in is a godsend. My Mom and Dad lived with us the first 8 weeks, and I can honestly say I would have fallen apart without them., certainly my house would have

I think you should definitely plan on saving some money and firing someone that can help your partner run the business, while you are off and plan for 6-8weeks at a minimum. If it turns out everything goes smoothly and you can get back to work faster, great. If not, the business won't suffer and you won't feel stressed and guilty for not working during your recovery.

LunaGirl28 · November 2013

Thanks so much ladies for the advice! You guys are amazing.

Luckily, I can literally sit on the couch and work from my laptop so from that aspect, I know it can be done but of course there's the mental, exhaustion, etc piece that makes me just so nervous. I like the idea of hiring someone else to help out -- not sure financially it will be possible, but I have at least a year to think about options before the baby arrives (and that's assuming that when we start trying, I'll get pregnant relatively quickly).

This also brings up another question -- do I let my business partner know i'm trying to conceive? My husband thinks no because what if we cant get pregnant or it takes years? It will bring stress for no reason. At the very least, I'd tell her almost immediately if I were to get pregnant.

SmileyJay · November 2013

I don't know from personal experience but I don't think it is crazy to think you will be able to help a lot from home within days of having the baby. If it is not a complicated delivery and your partner is willing to step it up a little bit for a few weeks, I don't see why this would be a huge issue.

You will do what you need to do. Just trust yourself to be adaptable and start saving money so that is not a huge issue.

I would look into hiring a mother's helper a few days a week to help with housework and to watch the baby while you shower and get some work done. This can go a really long way towards helping ease the craziness the first few weeks.

If you are close with your business partner and she is a mom, could you talk with her about how you might be able to handle this? Even trying to work with her on timing would be very good. I know it is not always in control but trying to not have a newborn around Christmas time of next year would be good since business may be busy and she has family stuff going on, too. Or if she usually takes a week off in the summer for vacation, trying to work around that and make plans would be good.

No worries, it will all work out! Does your husband have family leave he can take or start building up paid time off? Just 3-4 weeks could be a huge help right after baby is born.

SmileyJay · November 2013

I agree with M&JS that you don't owe it to anyone to let them know you are ttc - it is a very personal decision and no one's business... but if your business partner is a close friend and you are comfortable I do not see an issue if you WANT to fill her in. I don't think it is crazy inappropriate to discuss something like this with someone who it will affect tremendously if you have a child. She will also probably be extremely understanding considering she has children.

BeeGirl2 · November 2013

I told my business partner AFTER I was pregnant (almost right away). I would have felt like I was hiding it from her otherwise.... but did not tell her when we were trying (either time). I agree with PP that it is totally up to you who you tell but it no way should feel obligated to share it with anyone.

LunaGirl28 · November 2013

BeeGirl2 -- As time gets closer and we do get pregnant, I will have to reach out to you! Seems like we have A LOT in common!

magdalina.h · November 2013

It's possible since you aren't leaving your house for work. You just may not get as much done as you think you will.

BeeGirl2 · November 2013

LunaGirl28 said:

BeeGirl2 -- As time gets closer and we do get pregnant, I will have to reach out to you! Seems like we have A LOT in common!

@LunaGirl28 - please do and GOOD LUCK! Hope you get your BFP SOOOON!!!

MMason12 · November 2013

OkayKelci said:

Joy2611 said:

LunaGirl28 said:

Anyone i've talked to about this says "can't you take 6 months to a year off?" Absolutely no way.
I guess I'm quite American - this statement is just so preposterous to me.
Exactly. I think three weeks will be okay if you can work from home in a non- physical job. I am probably in the minority with my opinion.

It sounds like your job is not physical at all and I see no reason why -- if you have some help -- that you can't go back to work from home after 3 weeks.

And if someone asked me why couldn't I just take 6 months to a year off when I have a baby I will probably laugh in their face!

flamingo& · November 2013

GhostMonkey said:

I had plenty on time to mess around on the computer. Newborns sleep a lot. I actually had less time at a year to year and a half because he was in to everything last little thing and no meant nothing to him.

I'm not a mom, but that's what I would think. I mean, aside from the issue of being really tired and generally not feeling all too well, little babies are easy to keep an eye on. But once they start crawling/walking and getting into stuff... I can see how it would be hard to WAH.

I work in an office now, and the plan is that after I have a baby, I'll be a SAHM. I'm a web designer, though, so I'll probably do some freelance work as I'm able to help supplement my husband's income, though, thankfully, we can live off his income, so I probably won't be in a huge hurry to get back to work... I'm also not sure how much I can reasonably accomplish with a LO around.

I don't think you need to tell your business partner until you're pregnant, and you may want to wait until after the first trimester since early losses are so common. 6-7 months is still a long time for you and your business partner to plan for you delivery. I recommend that you save up as much as you can so if it turns out that you're having trouble getting everything done you thought you could do, then you have some savings. And definitely if your mom or someone else can come and help you so you can get some work done, even better.

Katelobster · November 2013

Oh gawd. I still had swelling and pain at 3 weeks PP and I think I was still randomly peeing myself without warning, too. I BF and maybe got 1 three-hour stretch of sleep per night. My daughter had 'colic' (I hate that word) and cried for multiple hours a day, every day, from 3-10 weeks. Oh, and during weeks 5 and 6 she would only nap with my boob in her mouth and the white noise machine on so loud that I could not hear myself think. I sat on the couch with her for hours at a time and my brain was so fried that the most challenging 'work' I could do was reading Amazon reviews on Exersaucers.

I cannot imagine. Good luck to you

sparklerose · November 2013

You're talking about working from home but the baby will be at daycare/childcare/with a nanny......right? You cannot work at all while taking care of a newborn. You cant.

My DS breastfed every 2 hours for the first 6 weeks (low supply)....around the clock. and he took 45 mintues to eat each time because I had to use a nipple shield. This means I had 1 hour and 15 minutes between feedings for 6 weeks. Yes, I slept no longer than 1 hour at a time that entire time. I actually called the doctor in a delierium and asked if that little sleep could actually kill me. I serioulsy asked that.

After 4 weeks he would sometimes sleep as long as 3 hours. That lasted until almost 9 months. I had a c-section and physically could have gone back to work at my office job at about 4 weeks, I felt fine by then. But doing anything mental on 3 broken hours of sleep per night for weeks on end? Not gonna happen. I went back at 13 weeks and it killed me.

I know my kid was a worse than average sleeper.....but you just never know.

I do know you cannot work while taking care of a newborn, or any child for that matter. Taking care of the baby is a full time job.

Katelobster · November 2013

flamingo& said:

GhostMonkey said:

I had plenty on time to mess around on the computer. Newborns sleep a lot. I actually had less time at a year to year and a half because he was in to everything last little thing and no meant nothing to him.

I'm not a mom, but that's what I would think. I mean, aside from the issue of being really tired and generally not feeling all too well, little babies are easy to keep an eye on. But once they start crawling/walking and getting into stuff... I can see how it would be hard to WAH.

I work in an office now, and the plan is that after I have a baby, I'll be a SAHM. I'm a web designer, though, so I'll probably do some freelance work as I'm able to help supplement my husband's income, though, thankfully, we can live off his income, so I probably won't be in a huge hurry to get back to work... I'm also not sure how much I can reasonably accomplish with a LO around.

I don't think you need to tell your business partner until you're pregnant, and you may want to wait until after the first trimester since early losses are so common. 6-7 months is still a long time for you and your business partner to plan for you delivery. I recommend that you save up as much as you can so if it turns out that you're having trouble getting everything done you thought you could do, then you have some savings. And definitely if your mom or someone else can come and help you so you can get some work done, even better.

not to be all "I'm a mom and therefore know more than you" but... bwahahaaaaaa to the bolded part.

newborns are a trip. Maybe some people get lucky and get easy ones. Most of us don't. Some won't nap unless they're held and the person holding them doesn't move. Some nurse for 45 minutes out of every 2 hours. Some have the "witching hour" where they fuss/nurse constantly for hours in the evening. SOme struggle and fight to latch at the breast. Some (mine) cry for hours at a time and the only thing that even sort of gets them to stop is to be held and walked around the block at a steady pace.

there is a reason that no daycare centers take babies under 6 weeks. Because babies under 6 weeks need constant, one-on-one care.

twentyeightlegs · November 2013

Another thing to consider is if you have a... uh... "high needs" baby. E was a hot mess and so was I after birth. Colic--crying 8+ hours a day. I had a very difficult transition mentally. Physically, it was cake, but mentally, WHEW. That took a toll on me. Pluuuuuus my kid cried all fucking day.

Just another thing to consider and be prepared for.

I took 12 weeks and needed all 12 of those. (probably plus some...)

BeeGirl2 · November 2013

Katelobster said:

flamingo& said:

GhostMonkey said:

I had plenty on time to mess around on the computer. Newborns sleep a lot. I actually had less time at a year to year and a half because he was in to everything last little thing and no meant nothing to him.

I'm not a mom, but that's what I would think. I mean, aside from the issue of being really tired and generally not feeling all too well, little babies are easy to keep an eye on. But once they start crawling/walking and getting into stuff... I can see how it would be hard to WAH.

I work in an office now, and the plan is that after I have a baby, I'll be a SAHM. I'm a web designer, though, so I'll probably do some freelance work as I'm able to help supplement my husband's income, though, thankfully, we can live off his income, so I probably won't be in a huge hurry to get back to work... I'm also not sure how much I can reasonably accomplish with a LO around.

I don't think you need to tell your business partner until you're pregnant, and you may want to wait until after the first trimester since early losses are so common. 6-7 months is still a long time for you and your business partner to plan for you delivery. I recommend that you save up as much as you can so if it turns out that you're having trouble getting everything done you thought you could do, then you have some savings. And definitely if your mom or someone else can come and help you so you can get some work done, even better.

not to be all "I'm a mom and therefore know more than you" but... bwahahaaaaaa to the bolded part.

newborns are a trip. Maybe some people get lucky and get easy ones. Most of us don't. Some won't nap unless they're held and the person holding them doesn't move. Some nurse for 45 minutes out of every 2 hours. Some have the "witching hour" where they fuss/nurse constantly for hours in the evening. SOme struggle and fight to latch at the breast. Some (mine) cry for hours at a time and the only thing that even sort of gets them to stop is to be held and walked around the block at a steady pace.

there is a reason that no daycare centers take babies under 6 weeks. Because babies under 6 weeks need constant, one-on-one care.

Most states take babies at 4 weeks. I can tell you in Ma. it is based entirely on the immunizations required to start and has nothing to do with the high needs and one on one care of a 4 week old infant

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