How do adults make friends??

babyfever1111 · November 2013

We moved to NorCal about a year and a half ago, and I am so homesick for SoCal!!

We don't have friends here. We have a few work friends but most of us commute from all over the Bay Area so getting together after work is difficult. All of our friends in SoCal had kids, none of our friends here do...

There should be a "match.com" for finding friends.

How do adults make friends?? Any ideas??

MamaFantastic · November 2013

when we moved to our current state, we immediately joined a great church and developed a close circle of friends through church. i also have a few other circles of friends (some neighbors, some mommy friends whom i met in our new baby support group a few years ago) but i'll tell ya... i just don't have the patience to stick with them the way i do with my church friends. the quality of friendship is remarkably different.

for me, the glaring difference is how deep the friendship goes. with my church friends, i cry, i confess, i pee my pants with laughter, i commiserate about how hard motherhood is, i pray with and for them, i hold them accountable (and they hold me too) and i share my entire life with them. and i trust them with all of that... with the ugly, embarrassing parts of me, as well as the fun, cool, awesome parts that i'd want to project to anyone, close or not.

so that's the difference - the God factor makes my church friendship circle so much better and deeper and more lasting than any of the superficial relationships i build with people who i have similarities with on other levels (location, family, etc)

plus, my church is exceptionally amazing. for real. we have the best best best people there, hands down.... hilarious, honest, trustworthy, caring, generous, committed, loving. i thank God daily for the friends i've made there.

babyfever1111 · November 2013

poru said:
First off, join the NorCal group! I am peninsula area!

I joined a volunteer group and met a bunch of people. Also I started meeting other parents when my DS started daycare. Sometimes I swear it feels like dating. Most of our friends don't have kids so we are always on the lookout for new friends with kids.

What is the NorCal group? And how do I join it?

BeeBee08 · November 2013

try meetup.com I joined a few things when we moved to the US and I actually started my own "book club" (we never actually got to reading any books, but we did drink a lot of wine). Meeting friends as adults is HARD.

tushjhav · November 2013

Try meetup.com. It's the friend version of match.com

JessSSutton · November 2013

I would also look into joining a church group if that is for you! I will be moving to another state at Thanksgiving and because I am not religious that will not be for me, but I have already found a political group for women (that is my interest area) that has many activities and sub groups that you can join. My husband is already living in our new home and he went to a festival where he meet a neighborhood mommy walking club! If working out is for you, you could find a gym and take some classes to meet people! I would look into clubs/ classes that you are interested in. many libraries have book clubs or a sewing/ scrap booking class. Or even a sports team (after the baby is born) like adult softball or soccer. I am actually looking forward to meeting some new people. My current friend circle is all college friends but we all seem to have less and less in common besides having went to college together. Good luck!

RebeccaY1 · November 2013

I'm trying to figure this out myself. I moved from Canada to Massachusetts. I've found that I'm trying to keep up with people on facebook, but it's just not the same. I also find that the people I knew were people from university and we have less in common now, especially since they are all recently married and I've been married for 12 years. None of them are ready for children. It's very hard to meet people now. I'm hoping that once I have a baby I'll meet people at the park and library story time. I've tried church, but have found that the people weren't very welcoming there. I'm hoping to try another church in the next couple of weeks.

J&NL · November 2013

I'm wondering the same thing. Luckily, the army community it's fairly easy to meet other army wives. I'm just hoping they're not all under 20 and fresh out of high school like they were at our last location. I also join groups online (FB play date groups or army wife groups) and meet people that way.

SeattleMomma · November 2013

I'm originally from Louisiana and i don't have any friends up here in Seattle. I was on a site called Meet Me. I actually met one really sweet local gal from there.

CurlieWhirlie · November 2013

What part of the Bay Area are you in? I'm in Marin. It is hard to make friends as an adult, I get it. Most adults have already formed their lives — family, work, social circle. That can be so hard to break into. I agree that meetup is a good option, also check out mom's groups in your area.

BiggerinRealLife · November 2013

I hear you, it's hard to make friends! Everything @spasticfantastic said could have been my story too, so church is a great place to start if that's for you. Also I've been told to join a mom's group once the baby is here. I think there's one in the South Bay called M.O.B. Society? That was the one my friend said to join. Apparently they get great discounts in the area in all things baby, and his wife made solid and lasting friendships with the women there.

I also wanna know where you're at. I'm in San Jose and if you're close I can PM you some ideas. Like @poru said we do a NorCal check in every now and then, feel free to jump on there. I grew up in SoCal, though I moved up here years and years ago. I understand the lonely, but really, it's a great place to live!

babyfever1111 · November 2013

We are in San Mateo... For now... But we need to move. It's too expensive here. We own a very nice home in SoCal, but here all we can afford is a one bedroom apartment! It's very frustrating. We're thinking of moving south to Santa Clara, San Jose, or Sunnyvale maybe.

WhiMiMa · November 2013

Church is great, also websites like meetup.com. You have to put yourself out there and try several groups, but when you find one that works, it's awesome!

BiggerinRealLife · November 2013

Santa Clara/Sunnyvale wont be much better cost-wise, but there are some really nice places in West San Jose. I wouldn't do South San Jose, either North or West.

acrookston · November 2013

Agreed. Making friends is much harder than dating. You don't have that idea of sex that you can hang over their heads!

frolic32 · November 2013

I'm glad you posted this! No advice here, but I'm enjoying all the suggestions. I'm at the point where all my local college friends are moving away and since I'm annoyingly introverted, making new friends is HARD!

hlm184 · November 2013

It's really hard for me, especially since I don't "click" with a lot of military wives. We've moved five times in the six and a half years we've been married and are getting ready to move again sometime next year.

sanders769 · November 2013

I agree with the meetup.com recommendation. Even if you end up not having time to go to many (or any) meetups, you can still find people on there to get together with. I made a friend through it that happened to be moving to the same neighborhood I was moving to (we both moved from different cities), and we ended up getting together and hitting it off.

I went from working in an office to working at home in a different city, so I literally had no way of meeting anyone without actually making an effort, which was new to me. My husband would make fun of me because I would strike up conversations with anyone and everyone in public and try to make friends. I probably seemed a little desperate and creepy, but oh well. The gym is a great place too, if you attend spin classes, or a running group, or yoga.

babyfever1111 · November 2013

BiggerinRealLife said:
Santa Clara/Sunnyvale wont be much better cost-wise, but there are some really nice places in West San Jose. I wouldn't do South San Jose, either North or West.

Well it seems like it's either East Bay or South Bay... Leaning toward south because CalTrain commute would be better than BART or bridge tolls.

babyfever1111 · November 2013

hlm184 said:
It's really hard for me, especially since I don't "click" with a lot of military wives. We've moved five times in the six and a half years we've been married and are getting ready to move again sometime next year.

Wow! I can't imagine! That would be so hard for me! *hugs*

babyfever1111 · November 2013

sanders769 said:
I agree with the meetup.com recommendation. Even if you end up not having time to go to many (or any) meetups, you can still find people on there to get together with. I made a friend through it that happened to be moving to the same neighborhood I was moving to (we both moved from different cities), and we ended up getting together and hitting it off.
I went from working in an office to working at home in a different city, so I literally had no way of meeting anyone without actually making an effort, which was new to me. My husband would make fun of me because I would strike up conversations with anyone and everyone in public and try to make friends. I probably seemed a little desperate and creepy, but oh well. The gym is a great place too, if you attend spin classes, or a running group, or yoga.

I like the gym or exercise class idea.

I have a hard time talking to strangers. Also, maybe it's me, but people around here don't seem very open to talking to strangers. A few times I've tried making conversation with people at the grocery store and they barely respond and turn around as quickly as they can.

Tantan2779 · November 2013

I met my best friend on meet up 6 years ago! Joined a play group for my kids & ended up with an amazing friend!

tidymonster · November 2013

I tried play groups and such, but it just didn't work for me. A lot of the ladies were overly judgmental, and I was questioning myself as a parent A LOT. I'm so glad others have positive experience!!!!!!

We found adult friends through:

DH's work (folks who have kids around the same ages)

Our neighbors

Kids' activities - one of the ladies from DD's old dance class is now one of my BFFs. We all ended up being really close after 4 years of helping each other through some really tough times.

Daycare (when they went) - parents of other little people who lived near us. DD has a friend in her 3rd grade class that she has known since she was 8 months old. The mom and I are friends also.

I hope this helps!!!

babyfever1111 · November 2013

tidymonster said:

I tried play groups and such, but it just didn't work for me. A lot of the ladies were overly judgmental, and I was questioning myself as a parent A LOT. I'm so glad others have positive experience!!!!!! We found adult friends through: DH's work (folks who have kids around the same ages) Our neighbors Kids' activities - one of the ladies from DD's old dance class is now one of my BFFs. We all ended up being really close after 4 years of helping each other through some really tough times. Daycare (when they went) - parents of other little people who lived near us. DD has a friend in her 3rd grade class that she has known since she was 8 months old. The mom and I are friends also. I hope this helps!!!

I hope once this LO arrives, I will meet other mommies... maybe join some mommy and me classes or something. Right now, we have a few work friends, but none of them have kids. We live in an apartment and don't know any of our neighbors. Thanks for the ideas!

MamaFantastic · November 2013

Mommy groups are brutal!!! I tried one through meetup a few years ago and those moms were cliquey, catty troublemakers. Not all, of course, but enough of them to ruin the feel for the rest of us.

babyfever1111 · November 2013

spasticfantastic said:

Mommy groups are brutal!!! I tried one through meetup a few years ago and those moms were cliquey, catty troublemakers. Not all, of course, but enough of them to ruin the feel for the rest of us.

That is sad. Sorry to hear that. I feel like I've heard that a bunch and that is discouraging. I am homesick for SoCal... ready to move back to all my friends and family.

ohhhmysushi · November 2013

sanders769 said:
I went from working in an office to working at home in a different city, so I literally had no way of meeting anyone without actually making an effort, which was new to me. My husband would make fun of me because I would strike up conversations with anyone and everyone in public and try to make friends. I probably seemed a little desperate and creepy, but oh well. The gym is a great place too, if you attend spin classes, or a running group, or yoga.

I'm in the exact situation. I love living in my new city, but I get sooo lonely. My husband has coworkers that he became real close with, but I haven't met anybody where I hit it off.

Want a personalized experience?

How do adults make friends??

Re: How do adults make friends??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards