How do you respond? — The Bump
Trouble TTC

How do you respond?

Hi ladies,

Just curious how anyone responds to those questions "when are you going to have a baby".

II am finding it increasingly harder each time to put a smile on my face with nice responses. I obviously do not want to tell anyone that we are having fertility issues, and i wish I could politely tell someone to mind their business....

Do I just suck it up and deal with it?

Re: How do you respond?

  • I normally just suck it up, tell them I'm young and I am just enjoying life right now with my husband.

    Of course inside I want to tell them to shut the F up and tell them I've gone through 6 IUI's, a loss, surgery etc. and to not ask people when they are having a baby ever again.
    Married 8/6/2011 Me (26) DH (33) SA normal,HSG clear TTC since August 2011 7/2012 50mg Clomid+Trigger+IUI+progesterone =BFN 8/2012 100mg Clomid+estrogen+Trigger+IUI+progestrone=BFN 10/2012 100mg clomid+Gonal+Lupron+Trigger+Progestrone+IUI=BFP but ectopic.
  • Im honest and either say "hopefully soon" or "we're trying."  Im not sure how much longer i can use my patient nice voice though.
    DX: Hashimoto's - August 2012

    Me:30 / DH: 31

    BFP#1 after 15 cycles on 12/1/2013 EDD 8/7/2014


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  • Thank you so much for these responses! It's so nice to know I am not completely alone in the way I feel.

    megwill126  I always wonder what people would say if I did tell them to Shut the F up! LOL

    I've noticed my patience is thin and people are starting to sense it, but I just wish I had a snarky response!


    Thanks again ladies!


  • Depending on the person, I'll use the "We're trying, we'll see..." answer, or I'll just talk openly about IF.  Lately I've also pulled the "We're trying...just having a hard time and seeing a specialist".  But I kinda like the "can't have kids answer" @DaydreamSam gave.  If I feel like the person is going to give unsolicited advice (which luckily I haven't had lately), it sounds like a fun one to use and shut them up.

    Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
    IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
    IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
    Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545  -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!
    Camila Josephine arrived 4/30 :)
    [Deleted User]
  • I usually shrug and say something along the lines of "when the good lord allows..."

    ME - 31, DH - 40

    Married 06/25/2011, TTC since 03/2012

    BFP #1 on 11/13/12 -- EDD 7/24/13 -- M/C (CP) on 11/21/12

    BFP #2 on  7/21/13 -- EDD 3/29/14 -- M/C (CP) on 7/31/13

    09/4/13 - 4/16/14 -- IUI #1 - 6 = BFNs :(

    7/13/14 -- IVF #1 w/ ICSI

    ER on 7/26/14 -- 20 R, 15 M, 11 F

    ET on 7/31/14 -- 1 transferred (4bb); 8 frosties!!!

    BFP #3 on 8/8/14 -- EDD 04/18/15

    BETA #1:  473,  BETA #2: 1009, BETA #3: 1975

    ** It's a BOY!!! **


    image    image 

  • Most of my family knows we have been trying for a while, so they don't ask.  But we will be asked by random strangers, and I leave that up to DH to respond.. he's pretty witty and will come up with a somewhat funny but leave us along comment.

    DH's mom makes comments almost everytime we see her.  Like last night, they took us out for our anniversary.  They made a comment about being married for two years, and DH responds with "Well we've been together for 9."  DH's mom says, "So why didn't you get married 9 years ago.  You could've had 10 kids by now.  I'm tired of my sister sending me so many pictures of her grandbabies.  I want some!"

    I don't know how to reply.  DH has kind of told her our troubles, plus with what just happened, you'd think she wouldn't say stuff like that...

    TTC since March 2012
    DX: MFI (4% motility)

    Cycle 13: Natural cycle w/ HSG test = BFP
    Identical twins! 
    Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks

    Cycle 14-16: Natural Cycles = BFN
    Cycle 17: Follistim + Trigger + IUI = BFN
    Cycle 18: Natural Cycle = BFN
    Cycle 19: Follistim + Trigger +IUI#2
    Polyp found: SIS 11/11 - hysteroscopy 11/14
    Cycle 20: Follistim + IUI#2 = BFFN
    Cycle 21: Follistim (adj. dosage) + IUI#3 TI  = BFN
    IUI cancelled due to weather
    Cycle 22: Follistim + IUI#3.1 = BFN

    Cycle 23: treatment break, IVF consult

    Cycle 24 - 26: natural cycle w/ acupuncture + Chinese herbs = BFN
    Cycle 27: Follistim + IUI#4 = BFFN
    Natural Cycles until IVF
    Cycle 30: IVF#1 - Starting with Menopur + Follistim + Ganirelix
    17 retrieved, 12 fertilized, 5dt w/ 2 blasts, 5 frosties
    Betas:  #1-156(9dp5dt), #2-1200(13dp5) #3-6112(17dp5)
    Ultrasound #1 10/6: 1 bean!
    My Chart

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • We just say we're practicing :)

    Dec '13: First FET 12/20 BFP!!
    12/31 Beta #1: 404 Beta #2: 1,027    
    Baby due 9/9/14     

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I usually say "we still have a few good years left" and then immediately change the subject.  I am artful at redirecting the conversation. 

    However, I sort of had an awakening over the weekend.  We were at a family member's wedding and I glanced over to see that my husband's cousin was crying.  They were doing the "anniversary dance" where by the end of the song the couple that has been married the longest is the only one still dancing.  She is recently separated and just started the legal divorce process.  It was an eye opener for me.  Everyone has their issue.  I realized that she is insanely envious of my marriage.  She can get pregnant at 40 like it's nothing, but she doesn't have what I have. 

    It has brought me a lot of peace.  I don't know how long this feeling of peacefulness will last, but I am enjoying it this week.  

    Me: 34 | He: 40
    TTC since 08/2012
    DX: DOR

  • We're semi-out with fertility stuff (our close friends and family know), so thankfully we don't get asked this a lot. If it does happen, I just say "at some point" or "we're working on it." 

    N14 Nov. Siggy: CELEBRATION!
    image image
    TTC since 2011
    Aug. - Sept. 2013 - dIUIs = BFNs
    January 2014 - IVF = 3 freezer babies
    March 2014 - FET of AA and AB blast = BFP! Twins! 
    Nov. 7, 2014 - Wilhelmina "Willa" Suzanne (4lb 14oz) and Ari Jose (6lb 4oz) were born via CS
    image image
    image image image image 

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • If it's my students who ask (and they do as they know I'm 30), I say I don't want kids.

    If it's an adult who I know pretty well, I just tell them we can't.
    Baby girl N born 10/29/14!

    **Follow your heart, but take your brain with you**

  • My favorite response is 'We'll let you know.'  Ambiguous and generally closes the subject.  I seriously can't stand that question. I feel your frustration!

    TTC Since July 2011  34 years old Unexplained IF
    3 failed IUI's, 6/2013 - IUI #4 150mg clomid, BFP, 7 weeks heartbeat, M/C at 9 weeks

    IUI#5 (Oct) & 6 (Nov) 150mg clomid -BFN

    Last IUI on 12/7 and that's the end of the road...onto adoption if that is what is meant to be for us. 

  • I respond we are trying but dealing with infertility. Its amazing how many people then say well we went through that or my family member etc etc. Most of them are supportive, but I've had a few with the stupid comments that I just smile and end the conversation.
    Me 29 DH 30 Unexplained IF TTC since wedding May 2012. IUI #1 11/5/13-BFN.  IUI #2 12/5/13-BFN. IUI #3-12/30/14. All three with Femara CD 3-7 and Ovidrel trigger. +HPT 1/13/14 First +ever!!! Beta #1 195 Beta #2 1/15-533. Ultrasound on 2/4 showed one bean. EDD 9/22/14. Team Green turned Team Blue-Baby Conner arrived on 9/19/14.

  • RunCC37 said:
    I think I got this one from @NariaDreaming: "Nine months after we become pregnant." First there's usually shock and confusion, then laughter.
    This has become my go to answer as well. It works wonderfully. 

       Me: IR-PCOS, elevated DHEAs, low progesterone, weak ovulation  DH: low volume, low T
    SHG 5/10/13: both tubes blocked; HSG 6/28 = Left tube cleared! Right blocked.
    BFP#1 7/20/13 EDD 3/30/14, m/c 8/19/13, D&E 8/21/13, Chromosomal results = normal, female
    Lap & hysteroscopy scheduled for 10/31, right tube cleared, no endo found! ...Happy Halloween!
    Cycle 14: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP! EDD 9/16/14~ Rowan Elizabeth born sleeping at 17w4d on 4/12/14 due to IC.
    ~There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world~
    New RE June 2014. RPL b/w - negative. SIS looking for uterine/cervical abnormalities & Asherman's 6/10/14 - ALL CLEAR!  
    Cycle 16: Natural IUI = CP, Cycle 17: Femara (2.5) + IUI = BFN, Cycle 18 Femara (5) + IUI = BFFN, Cycle 19: Break
    Cycle 20: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP EDD 6/20, transvaginal cerclage 12/19, Carson Quinn born sleeping at 16w3d on 1/6/15 due to IC
    Phone consult with Dr. Haney (Univ of Chicago) for transabdominal cercalge scheduled for 2/9/15.
    "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."
    image image imageimage 
  • I usually just say, "someday." A couple of weeks ago, in an IF fit, I looked at a girl and just said, "frankly, when you ask that - it's embarrassing for people who don't want children and it's insensitive for people who can't have children."

    10/2013 - Initial consult. Started levothyroxine - tsh 2.92
    HSG- showed graying in one spot/Saline Sono- showed 5mm polyp
    DH SA -  abnormal -  36%motility on both SA's (count and morph ok on SA1, a little off SA2)
    1/10/14 - Hysteroscopy to remove 5mm polyp
    1/12/14- Medicated Cycle 1: 50mg Clomid + Ovidrel + TI = BFN
    2/15/14 - Medicated Cycle 2: 100mg Clomid + Ovidrel + TI = BFN
    3/18/14 - IUI Cycle 1: 150mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN
    Upped Levothyroxine to 50mg - tested at 2.62
    4/17/14 - IUI Cycle 2: 150mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN
    6/21/14: IUI Cycle 3: 150mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI

    *All are welcome*

    [Deleted User]
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