Halloween Parade Vent

Karla CS · October 2013

Okay, I'm feeling like a complete idiot... DD had a Halloween parade at DC today, and I just assumed that it was for the kids. It never ONCE occurred to me that parents would go. DH even sent a couple of pictures of all the kiddos dressed up, but there were no pictures of parents, so I didn't think twice.

I just checked FB, and a friend of ours who we referred to our center (who has literally only been there for 5-6 days, but apparently SHE knew parents were supposed to go!) posted pictures from the parade.. Luckily, DH dropped her off at 9:50, and the parade started at 10, and the teachers suggested he hang around for it. But I wasn't there. Because I was at work. And I would have made time to go, if I'd only realized that it was a THING to go.

And I feel terrible. Seriously, cry at your desk while trying to pretend nothing is wrong terrible.

Now I'm wondering when they had the 4th of July parade, and neither of us showed up, was this another big parent involvement event? I already feel like I'm missing out on tons of DD's life by working full time, but now I'm missing out on special moments at daycare.

traveltheworld · October 2013

I'm sorry you missed it. Don't feel bad. Your DC should have told you. We got a notification email 2 weeks ago with the time, place, and a note that children should be dressed up. Even then I wasn't sure if parents were suppose to go so I asked the teachers about it this morning. FWIW - I felt the parade was more for me than for DS. I really enjoyed watching him dressed up, but he was VERY upset upon seeing me and just wanted to hang out with us and not go back to class afterwards. That happened to the majority of the kids. The whole thing only lasted about 10 minutes but it took us another 15 minutes to calm him down enough to go back to class.

Hope you enjoy your time tonight with him! Just take lots of pics tonight!

Karla CS · October 2013

Thanks everyone.. I definitely know it doesn't mean anything to her, and she's not going to remember anything from this time in her life - it just plays into the mom guilt I'm already feeling.

It's embarrassing that I'm going to have to explain to all the DCP's to spell things out to me because I don't pick up on subtleties - apparently saying "Halloween parade on 10/31 @ 10am" isn't enough to get me to realize that parents are welcome and encouraged to come. It's really not the only occasion, and they need to know that that message or "oh, some of the other kids parents do XYZ" isn't enough for me to realize that they WANT ME to do XYZ.

I have enough on my plate day to day, I'm not going to spend time trying to read into things. Just be blunt, I don't mind.

Meery82 · October 2013

Don't feel bad. Our DC does this. I was there last year because my schedule happened to allow it that day. DH was not. Not everyone's parents were there. It was cancelled this year due to rain. I don't think it's a big deal. And most important at all, you're DD is too young to know or care.

shannm · November 2013

Your LO is little so she doesn't care and I can tell you at our center, many infant parents do not participate. People have their kids in daycare so they can work.

ASmallWonder · November 2013

Don't feel bad but here's a tip - if they list a specific time on an event, that generally means it's for the benefit of the parents. They don't generally make it so specific and structured if it's just the kids

court115 · November 2013

Don't feel bad! I went to LO but my H couldn't make it. He didn't miss much. My LO fell asleep during the parade ...

Iblamethebeer · November 2013

Karla CS said:

Thanks everyone.. I definitely know it doesn't mean anything to her, and she's not going to remember anything from this time in her life - it just plays into the mom guilt I'm already feeling.

It's embarrassing that I'm going to have to explain to all the DCP's to spell things out to me because I don't pick up on subtleties - apparently saying "Halloween parade on 10/31 @ 10am" isn't enough to get me to realize that parents are welcome and encouraged to come. It's really not the only occasion, and they need to know that that message or "oh, some of the other kids parents do XYZ" isn't enough for me to realize that they WANT ME to do XYZ.

I have enough on my plate day to day, I'm not going to spend time trying to read into things. Just be blunt, I don't mind.

Well I'm not sure you can expect DCP to tell you which events to attend. My guess is it's not so much that they WANT you at the parade, it's that a whole bunch of parents asked them when the parade was because they wanted to take pictures, so they told all the parents the time.

In fact, they're probably being very careful not to make it seem like parents need to be at the parade because they don't want the parents who can't make it to feel bad. One of the *nice* things about daycare is that they understand that parents work and can't always make stuff, so they try to arrange these things/set the kids' expectations so that it's not a tragedy if you aren't there.

Karla CS · November 2013

Iblamethebeer said:
Well I'm not sure you can expect DCP to tell you which events to attend. My guess is it's not so much that they WANT you at the parade, it's that a whole bunch of parents asked them when the parade was because they wanted to take pictures, so they told all the parents the time.

In fact, they're probably being very careful not to make it seem like parents need to be at the parade because they don't want the parents who can't make it to feel bad. One of the *nice* things about daycare is that they understand that parents work and can't always make stuff, so they try to arrange these things/set the kids' expectations so that it's not a tragedy if you aren't there.

All good points. More than anything, I'm frustrated with myself for being so dense.

As someone pointed out earlier, the fact that they said a specific time should have been hint enough. It just really never occurred to me that it's something parents could/would attend. Even one of my coworkers who doesn't have kids knew that parents would be welcome there.

SunAndRain · November 2013

You are NOT dense. If "parents welcome" wasn't clearly spelled out, I would have overlooked it too.

I'd ask the school to describe events a little more clearly. You are, after all, a busy mom who would appreciate clear messages over having to read between the lines and make the repeated extra effort to seek clarification. Look at it this way, there is a person who writes those communucations and they need to be informed that their messaging style isn't meeting the needs of the parents who want to be a part of these events (or at least want to know that they have the option!)

mb314 · November 2013

Don't feel bad. Your LO is still really young, and she didn't know you weren't there but other parents were. And now you know to ask specific questions of your daycare about events. And I agree with theresa858, an event at 10 am is ridiculous for parents to attend.

Last Valentine's Day, DS got a bagful of Valentine's and goodies, and I was the only parent that didn't send any Valentines from DS to the other kids. My daycare provider made one comment about Valentines the week before, but honestly, I didn't realize that I was supposed to send valentines for my 5 month old. Now I know to ask specifically if DCP is doing something for a holiday and if I should be there/do anything. I asked for Halloween, and was told that DS should arrive in costume and I could send something for a goody bag if I wanted. If I hadn't specifically asked, I wouldn't have known. I love my DCP, but it's an in-home situation, and sometimes she forgets to tell every single parent everything.

So

Sunidaze · November 2013

I'm going to guess if you weren't aware there was apparently not clear enough communication from the center. Ours keeps us well-informed of any events like this so we can attend if we choose (and just about all parents there do). I enjoy...especially now that she's older - instead of just parading them through in their costumes, once they get to the toddler 2 room, each class has a song routine they perform.

SunAndRain · November 2013

theresat858 said:

Um, I'd say it's DC that is being over the top...and any event at 10am on a work day should not be something that parents with kids in daycare are expected to attend. That's why your kid is in DAYCARE.

GOOD point! Our Fall Festival which was also the Halloween event was from 530-730 PM on a Thursday evening. Much more doable than 10 AM would have been! And, yes there was a parade but was left 30 min early since DD was starting to fall apart. A lot of other families were leaving around that time too so maybe it happened, maybe it didn't. There was a LOT going on...games, haunted house... so it was a fun packed event either way!

financialdiva · November 2013

wife07mom09 said:
Halloween isn't a "real" holiday

8-|

Actually it is. All Hallows' eve? You know, the day before All Saints Day?

Anyway, don't sweat it OP. I was all excited bc I happen to be off the day of DS1's Christmas party last year, so I went. And guess what?? I was the ONLY parent.

emberlee3 · November 2013

Don't feel bad! When DS was 2, I couldn't go to the Mother's Day Tea, which was at 4 p.m. DH had to go in my place

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