Another one on the way and hesitant to tell family

TUGOsQueen · October 2013

Just turned 38 and expecting our fourth. My oldest is 5 so life is already hectic and we're ecstatic for another.
I'm hesitant to tell my mother and sister. and many others that are already critical of having 3 kids much yet more.

I haven't told anyone except my BF that is is also a coworker and of course my husband. How long would you wait to tell your closest family???
I'll wait to at least the end of 1st trimester to tell anyone else. I just don't want the negative responses that I'll probably get but I also want to share the news.

Guennie · October 2013

I have a history of loss and I really needed my support system so I told my close people right away, but it's really up to you what you feel comfortable with. Don't let negative responses get to you, all that matters is that you are happy and this baby will be loved. Those who truly care about you will eventually see your joy and decide to be happy for you. Anybody else, oh well their problem! Congratulations!!

NicoleWI · October 2013

I'm lurking. We haven't decided yet for sure about #4, but if we do go for it I will be 39 during the pregnancy and my oldest will also be five, and my parents/aunts would not be super supportive. My mom thought we should stop at 2. Our third baby is healthy and wonderful but we had some scares with her (single umbilical artery) and that didn't help. I know my parents would think going for four would be a bad idea and will think I am crazy (maybe we would be crazy). No advice, really, but I get what you are facing. I guess wait as long as you can?

2ndGeneration · October 2013

OP, maybe you could have your kids 'tell' the grandparents (when you are ready)? Like, go for a visit and have them give them a card or a pic or something announcing that 'we are going to be big brothers/sisters'!!! It would be hard for your folks to say something unpleasant in that situation, know what I mean : ) Not that they won't say it later lol.

kelley72 · October 2013

Congratulations! I'm sorry you are expecting a less than enthusiastic response... I too encountered that. I however know ALL babies are blessings no matter the circumstances, and my mom after a few weeks recognized the blessing of another grandchild. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy!

nixie321 · October 2013

I sort of received a rather questionable reaction from my mother and immediate family when I told them and this will be my first (after a loss)! I didn't tell them right away though, however, I did tell them when I was about 10 weeks- so still in 1st tri. For some reason that was when I was ready. Since then their enthusiasm has increased 100% so I think or hope that regardless of the initial reactions you get, everyone will come around and be supportive as you progress. Congratulations btw!!!!

LucyRicardo3 · October 2013

I can relate.
I waited to tell DH for a few days, simply because I found out a few days before Father's Day and I wanted to give him a big surprise, lol. It nearly killed me to keep a secret from him!
Our family was aware that we weren't "done" after the twins were born, but I don't think they took us seriously til we started sharing the news. We'd been discussing our hopes to foster or adopt, but I don't think they realized we also meant biological, as well.

In the past, we've told almost right at the beginning. This time around, we shared with each of our dads on Father's day (well, the day after) because we felt it was ok, but we also asked them to keep a lid on our news for a few weeks, at least. Their reactions were happy, but not over-the-top ecstatic, lol, about what we anticipated. We knew if there was any reason we'd need emotional or spiritual support, we'd want them to know either way.

We told our oldest kids about 12 weeks and my 13 yr old was a little excited, but a little freaked out. but he's totally excited now, knowing he's finally getting his little brother he's been begging for, for many years. My 5 yr old, not so much. but that's okay, too.

We didn't tell hardly anyone else until after the NT scan, around 12 weeks, and did not make it "Facebook public" until 18ish weeks, when some concerns I'd had (marginal previa and a slow hemorrhage) had disappeared.
It was tough to keep it a secret for so long, but kind of special in an odd kind of way. We agreed from early on that this was our last pregnancy, so I guess that's why.

Most people look at me in shock when they see my tummy and I've gotten a few questions like "was it planned?!" or "Don't you have enough?!"
My textbook answer is "It was a big Hope-So, but still a surprise, nonetheless." or "Clearly, we are still growing!" I've also been asked "How many more?" and I just wink and smile to make them uneasy, heehee... and, oh the "Duggar family, part 2?" 8-|

Congratulations and best wishes!! Try not to take anything personally if someone shows their ignorance or ugly attitude.

rcbuko · October 2013

I could have written this post. I'm 36 and this will be our fourth. We have a 5 year old, 3 year old, and soon to be 1 year old. The last two will be only 19 months apart. This fourth baby was very planned and yet I am still hesitant for most people's reaction to our news. It just isn't "normal" to have four kids anymore. We are excited for our new addition but are mostly keep the news to ourselves for a little while. I would love to wait until at least 12 weeks to tell but my belly is already poking out a bit. That coupled with my nausea may tip my mom off.

I guess my only advice is to focus on your joy at adding to your family. Of course life will be hectic with four little kids but life will also be filled with so much good. Congratulations!

nixie321 · October 2013

@LucyRicardo3
I really like your textbook answer to "was it planned" etc. I think I will use that moving forward

rlgauthier88 · October 2013

I'm 38 and this will be my 4th as well. I have 3 from a previous marriage ages 20,18,17. My DH doesn't have any. this is a very planned pregnancy. We are super excited but I'm nervous about telling MY family. I too will get a less than enthusiastic response from my family.

wander74 · October 2013

I'm 39 and am pregnant with my 4th also. Our youngest will be 5 in a little over a month. My mom, step-dad and sister know but I only told them because my dad and sister both needed something positive to focus on and I thought them knowing would help (it did). I've told my hometown bestie and that's about it.

We're hoping to keep it quite for another 4-6 weeks (I'm 6 weeks now). I do like the idea of saying that this baby was very much planned and we're excited about it. If anyone has anything negative to say, that's their problem. I have a feeling we're going to get a lot of "you're nuts" comments etc, but honestly, we're so excited I don't think anyone's negatively can take that away from us.

happyturtle03 · October 2013

First of all, just put the kibosh on the negative responses right up front, it doesn't matter what they think. They can either be happy for you or they can keep their opinions to themselves. You don't need that. Here's how I handled the telling part though, I told my older kids first, then let them do the calling the grandparents and making the announcement bit. The kids were overjoyed to be getting a little sibling and their enthusiasm proved infectious with the grandparents, so by the time I talked to them, everybody was feeling positive and happy about the news

TUGOsQueen · October 2013

Thanks ladies! Still haven't told anyone else. I like the secret and our own little conversations and excitement. I'm thinking Thanksgiving will be a good time to let the family know in person! Now, if I could just stop puking and stay awake so I don't give it away!!

jenwashington · October 2013

So happy to see mom's my age (39). My 'babies' are 18 & 14 and #3 was planned with new husband who has no kids. Very excited but nervous at the same time!

Skeemer · November 2013

Sorry you're anticipating mixed reactions. I say CONGRATS!

If your children are healthy, safe & happy then it is no one else's business how many kids you have. I love to see great parents having kids if they want to. This baby will be a blessing to you.

jenwashington · November 2013

rlgauthier88 said:
I'm 38 and this will be my 4th as well. I have 3 from a previous marriage ages 20,18,17. My DH doesn't have any. this is a very planned pregnancy. We are super excited but I'm nervous about telling MY family. I too will get a less than enthusiastic response from my family.

So glad to see another late 30's expectant mom with older children. My DH doesn't have any kids either and since we got married in May, my girls (18 & 14) have been asking when we're going to have a baby. I'm 39. They'll be so excited to hear the news but I'm just 5w+ so we're planning on waiting until around Xmas.

Excitedmum35 · November 2013

I just don't u see stand why ppl would be negative ? Really unless they are already contributing financially or in some way to the children you already have, what's it to them?!?!?
And I doubt this is the case.

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