January 2014 Moms

Deep thought cheating poll

wedbliss5wedbliss5 member
edited October 2013 in January 2014 Moms
If your DH / SO had a one-night stand of a fling, no emotional attachments, no diseases, etc, would you want to know?

image


Deep thought cheating poll 193 votes

Yes
76% 147 votes
No
22% 43 votes
SSS - because I know there will be at least 1... (just commit already!)
1% 3 votes

Re: Deep thought cheating poll

  • I said Yes- I think it's rare that a one time thing is actually a one time thing. I think it would be hard but I'd want to know. 




  • Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.
    ********************************************************************************************************

    DS1 born 11/3/06   *   DS2 born 3/29/08   *   DD born 3/15/11  

    Scarlett Mae born 1/14/14                         Our family is now complete!

      

  • Loading the player...
  • pennstated912pennstated912 member
    edited October 2013
    Yes. And his sh!t would be on the lawn and I would be collecting child support.

    ETA: I was cheated on repeatedly (before I found out) by an ex-BF. My reaction was volatile and he's lucky I let him live. I could only imagine that my reaction to finding out that DH cheated would be 10 times more volcanic.

    DH currently works in a field that is notorious for cheating and while I know he never, ever would, I'm definitely more astute because of my past. His life would be over.
    Dave and Kathleen - 09.12.09:
    image
    image
    Partially Complex (my blog)
  • Yes. It doesn't matter if its one time or ten, cheating is cheating.
  • I saw no because HE should be the one to have to live with that guilt, not me.  And if its truly a stupid one night mistake that won't happen again, I don't want to split my family up over it.  yet if i knew, I'm not sure I could stay with him or ever get over it.  So I say don't tell me and you better damn sure hope I never find out, but I didn't do anything wrong so don't make ME be the one to deal with the emotional trauma of it all.

    image


  • I'm apparently on my own with this one, but if it were truly a one night fling never to happen again, I would rather not know.
                        Nathaniel Robert born 1.16.2014
      image




  • BMReid said:
    Yes- so I could kill him.

    image

    image

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
    BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron <3

  • For me, cheating is so effed up and there must be underlying reasons with the relationship that would rear their head eventually if not in the form of cheating and it is definitely a deal breaker for me.  I would definitely unleash a shit ton of rage on his ass if I ever found out.
    _______________________________________________________________________
    ME (34) Secondary/unexplained IF, DH(35) MFI w/varicocele repair
    DS conceived NTNP; born 1/8/14 
    TTC 5/15
    TI w/Clomid 12/16, 1/17, 2/17
    OB ordered SA 2/17 and referred to RE for MFI - Low Count/Motility
    DH Varicocele repair 6/17. 
    9/17 SA: count improved
    TI w/Letrozole 9/17, 10/17
    IUI#1 11/17 BFN
    IUI#2 Christmas day :'( Canceled due to low count/poor sample  :'(
    IVF#1 w/ICSI: 3/18 BCP, Lupron down reg, Follistim 300IU, LDHCG 10units, Lupron 5units, Ovidrel trigger on 3/18. ER 3/21
    8 retrieved, 5 mature, 3 smaller no fertilization w/IVF. 3/5 fertilized w/ICSI. Day 5 Fresh transfer scheduled 3/26 or day3 on Saturday if any arrest.







    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • He'd regret teaching me to run his excavator.  I'd use his gun to blow his brains out then use his excavator to bury the body.  Seems fitting!

    Jan '14 Siggy Challenge: Things I've had to deprive myself of while pregnant:

    imageimage

    Rum & Coke...mmm!!                                              Laying on my stomach!  Can't wait!

    image  

     image 

     

     
  • If a one time thing is legitimately a one time thing, then I don't want to know. Anything more than that, yes I want to know
  • BMReid said:
    Yes- so I could kill him.
    Pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. Or maybe I would just 'Lorena Bobbitt' him?

    And I will add that this is a very black and white area for me - cheating, be it emotional or physical, is a deal-breaker. I have no problems cutting people out of my life and DH knows how stubborn I am. It would be so over he wouldn't even know what hit him.

    Thankfully, DH is so loyal that I don't ever have to worry about that.

    _________________________________________________________________
    image
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
     "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
    PgAL

    _________________________________________________________________



  • I truly don't understand how cheating can be a one time thing and have absolutely no impact on the rest of the relationship or lead to another "one time" thing.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm apparently on my own with this one, but if it were truly a one night fling never to happen again, I would rather not know.

    Nope, not on your own - this was my answer too.  Let him live with that on his conscience for the rest of his life, rather than me have to deal with the fallout from one bad decision.

    That said, a "true" one night fling is pretty rare, so this poll is a little misleading...any chance for it happening again at all changes my answer.

    __________________________________________________________

    DS1 born 08.02.11

    DS2 born 12.05.13

  • Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    Really?  I can understand you, but the kids?  They are his kids too, and parents are not perfect.

    My dad cheated on my mom, and while they did divorce as a result, she dealt with it personally so that we could still have a relationship with him.  Which I am so, so thankful for - yes, when I found out (years later) I had a lot of anger towards him that I had to deal with, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  I can't imagine not having my dad in my life.

    __________________________________________________________

    DS1 born 08.02.11

    DS2 born 12.05.13

  • If a one time thing is legitimately a one time thing, then I don't want to know. Anything more than that, yes I want to know
    This.   Cheating (one time), though, is not necessarily a deal breaker for me.   On going affair?   That might be a deal breaker.

    I can't say if it would be a deal breaker for me though, and I hope that I am never in the position to find out.  

    Marriage is hard.  I don't believe that people in happy relationships cheat, and (right or wrong) something is going on that needs to be addressed.  More than likely emotional needs aren't being fulfilled.  Is that an excuse?  No, but I do understand how 'easily' situations like this occur.


    imageimage
    Baby Chugging born 12.28.13
    induction due to HELLP
     image

  • Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.
    Really?

    I'm 99% sure that my dad cheated on my mom (they worked things out), but I can't imagine my life without my dad if they wouldn't have.
    imageimage
    Baby Chugging born 12.28.13
    induction due to HELLP
     image

  • vstevens said:
    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    Really?  I can understand you, but the kids?  They are his kids too, and parents are not perfect.

    My dad cheated on my mom, and while they did divorce as a result, she dealt with it personally so that we could still have a relationship with him.  Which I am so, so thankful for - yes, when I found out (years later) I had a lot of anger towards him that I had to deal with, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  I can't imagine not having my dad in my life.

    Are we sisters?  This exact same thing happened to me, and my dad is actually married to the woman he had an affair with.  Despite all of that, I have a great relationship with my dad, and despite him being a shitty husband, he has always been a wonderful father to me.
                        Nathaniel Robert born 1.16.2014
      image




  • I said no I wouldn't want to know. MH and I have had this conversation since the beginning of our relationship. I've cheated in the past (not on my husband) and believe that ignorance is bliss. lol, he does not! If he cheated on me and I found out, it would be over. End of story..and not that it would be okay for him to do it, and he knows I don't think it's acceptable, I would just rather not know! 
    image
  • megngregkmegngregk member
    edited October 2013

    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    This. That said, knowing this, I don't know that he would ever tell me/I'd find out if it was truly a one time thing.

    ETA: He would see the kid(s), but the marriage would be over.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    imageimage


  • vstevens said:
    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    Really?  I can understand you, but the kids?  They are his kids too, and parents are not perfect.

    My dad cheated on my mom, and while they did divorce as a result, she dealt with it personally so that we could still have a relationship with him.  Which I am so, so thankful for - yes, when I found out (years later) I had a lot of anger towards him that I had to deal with, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  I can't imagine not having my dad in my life.

    Are we sisters?  This exact same thing happened to me, and my dad is actually married to the woman he had an affair with.  Despite all of that, I have a great relationship with my dad, and despite him being a shitty husband, he has always been a wonderful father to me.

    I heart you @SunflowersBride

    I think what allowed me to get over it is that my dad has been married to the woman he cheated with for 25+ years at this point, and they are soul mates if there ever was such a thing...so while I was upset when I found out how it happened, I can't possibly begrudge him a lifetime's worth of happiness when I know he and my mother were about the two most incompatible people in the world.  But I could only accept that as a fully formed adult, not as my angsty 16-year old self.

    __________________________________________________________

    DS1 born 08.02.11

    DS2 born 12.05.13

  • I would absolutely want to know. Even if it was a truly one night thing, people don't cheat for no reason. H is incredibly loyal and honest, so IF he was to cheat it would mean there was something seriously wrong in our marriage. I've never been cheated on that I'm aware of, and before marriage and a baby cheating would have been an absolute deal breaker for me. Now that we are a family, I don't know that it would be so black and white for me, although leaving would be a very strong possibility. If I somehow did decide to stay and try to forgive, I would want to have all of the facts about what led to the cheating so that we could work on fixing the relationship. 
  • Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.
    That seems harsh! Just because someone is a bad partner or makes a mistake in their marriage/relationship doesn't mean they are a bad parent. I would have so much resentment to my mother/father if I found out they were the one who kept me from having a relationship with my other parent because of their own resentment or anger.
  • Rebis58 said:
    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.
    That seems harsh! Just because someone is a bad partner or makes a mistake in their marriage/relationship doesn't mean they are a bad parent. I would have so much resentment to my mother/father if I found out they were the one who kept me from having a relationship with my other parent because of their own resentment or anger.
    Exactly.   Bad partner/mistake =/= shitty parent.
    imageimage
    Baby Chugging born 12.28.13
    induction due to HELLP
     image

  • vstevens said:
    vstevens said:
    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    Really?  I can understand you, but the kids?  They are his kids too, and parents are not perfect.

    My dad cheated on my mom, and while they did divorce as a result, she dealt with it personally so that we could still have a relationship with him.  Which I am so, so thankful for - yes, when I found out (years later) I had a lot of anger towards him that I had to deal with, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  I can't imagine not having my dad in my life.

    Are we sisters?  This exact same thing happened to me, and my dad is actually married to the woman he had an affair with.  Despite all of that, I have a great relationship with my dad, and despite him being a shitty husband, he has always been a wonderful father to me.

    I heart you @SunflowersBride

    I think what allowed me to get over it is that my dad has been married to the woman he cheated with for 25+ years at this point, and they are soul mates if there ever was such a thing...so while I was upset when I found out how it happened, I can't possibly begrudge him a lifetime's worth of happiness when I know he and my mother were about the two most incompatible people in the world.  But I could only accept that as a fully formed adult, not as my angsty 16-year old self.

    Yes, exactly.  My mom and dad were incredibly ill-suited for each other, and my dad and his wife are a much, MUCH better match, and have been married for over 15 years.  The unfortunate part is that my parents STILL do not get along, and as an only child it's been tough for me to deal with them at times.  Maybe things will get better once the baby comes, but I'm not counting on any happy, family Christmas celebrations where we all celebrate together.
                        Nathaniel Robert born 1.16.2014
      image




  • Deblondie1Deblondie1 member
    edited October 2013
    Yes because even if it was meaningless sex, it is still indicitive of deeper issues. We would need to decide if digging up and working on those issues was important enough to keep the relationship or to walk away.
    __________________________________________________________________________________________ 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers  
  • ChuggingWaterChuggingWater member
    edited October 2013
    Yes because even if it was meaningless sex, it is still indicitive of deeper issues. We would need to decide if digging up and working on those issues was important enough to keep the relationship or to walk away.
    I amend my previous answer to this!   @deblondie1
    imageimage
    Baby Chugging born 12.28.13
    induction due to HELLP
     image

  • I would want to know so I can get rid of him. Cheating is not something I could be forgiving for.
    BFP #1 (7/13/12) MC (8/14) 9 weeks. D & C 8/17.
    BFP #2 (5/18/13) due 1/26/14. Grow baby grow!
    Its a surprise! Team green!


  • Yes, I would want to know. I'd be super devastated if this happened, but I'd want to know that he is the type of person that would do that to me, and like @Deblondie1 said, we'd need to discuss the underlying issue and decide if working through everything would be worth it. 

    I do not know if I would be capable of trusting him again or not. I think our relationship would be forever changed. 
    photo babbbbby1smaller.jpg

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Yes because even if it was meaningless sex, it is still indicitive of deeper issues. We would need to decide if digging up and working on those issues was important enough to keep the relationship or to walk away.

    This.

    **********************************************************************************************************************

    Diagnosed with PCOS June 2010, TTC#1 since May 2012
    Cycle#1-3 Clomid 50mg + TI= No response
    Cycle#4-5 Clomid 150mg + Metformin 1000mg + TI= BFN, but finally ovulation!!!
    Cycle #6 Clomid 150mg + Metformin 1500mg + IUI(4/15)= BFP!!! EDD 01/06/2014 <br>

    Stella Margaret arrived on December 21, 2013!

    imageimage image



  • I voted no. If it was absolutely a one time thing and it wouldn't happen again, I wouldn't want to know. I would never be able to trust him again. I would feel sick everytime i thought about it. Everything would be ruined and I'd rather just be in ignorant bliss. But if it were an ongoing thing, I would rather know.

    dx with anovulatory PCOS 2005
    off bcp 11/11
    a few rounds of clomid and femara... no response.
    injectables/IUI 12/12... BFN
    Feb 13 IVF cycle converted down to IUI due to low follicle response... BFFN
    one last IVF attempt April/May 2013: 19 retrieved. 10 fertilized. 2 transferred in a 3dt. 4 frosties... BFP!!
    EDD: 1/21/14... Induced early at 36+6. Our little girl was born 12/30/13

    surprise pregnancy with baby #2!  EDD: 8/30/16




  • I put no, if it was truly under the circumstances you put in the poll (one-time, no attachment, no diseases, etc.). I used to say that cheating was a deal-breaker, but I've come to realize that my relationship with my husband means more to me than that. We've never had to test it, but I wouldn't leave him over a one-night thing. However, it would be very difficult to deal with emotionally, and I'd rather not go through that. Like others said, let him live with the guilt, not me.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

    image   image   image

  • Yes because even if it was meaningless sex, it is still indicative of deeper issues. We would need to decide if digging up and working on those issues was important enough to keep the relationship or to walk away.
    Amen, sister!  I think any kind of cheating is this exactly.
    CafeMom Tickers
  • These posts are really depressing!
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Jacob & Audra - married since 05.28.11
    Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
    Ozzy Joseph - born 11.01.13 @ 31 weeks, weighed 3lbs 7oz and 16" long.
    TTC #3
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

  • aessary03 said:

    These posts are really depressing!

    I agree. Lol. Especially while my DH has been on a weeklong business trip. :(
    Dave and Kathleen - 09.12.09:
    image
    image
    Partially Complex (my blog)
  • Yes because if he was able to do it once then what would prevent him from doing it again? Something like that I feel like if I knew we could work through it and get past it.
    A
    imageimageimage

    image



    M/c #1 - 10/30/07 - 5w3d, DS1 - born at 36w, M/c#2 - 12/7/09 - 5w, M/c #3 - 1/13/10 - 4w6d, 
    M/c #4 - 3/16/10 - 5w1d, DS2 -  born via VBAC at 40w3d, M/c#5 - 11/5/12 - 7w2d
    BFP #8 - 5/5/13- Looks like a sticky one! DS3 - born via epi-free VBAC at 39w1d

  • rowanthefrogrowanthefrog member
    edited November 2013
    vstevens said:
    vstevens said:
    Yes- we both agree it's a deal-breaker. If he cheated, even only once, he'd never see the kids again. Or me.

    Really?  I can understand you, but the kids?  They are his kids too, and parents are not perfect.

    My dad cheated on my mom, and while they did divorce as a result, she dealt with it personally so that we could still have a relationship with him.  Which I am so, so thankful for - yes, when I found out (years later) I had a lot of anger towards him that I had to deal with, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  I can't imagine not having my dad in my life.

    Are we sisters?  This exact same thing happened to me, and my dad is actually married to the woman he had an affair with.  Despite all of that, I have a great relationship with my dad, and despite him being a shitty husband, he has always been a wonderful father to me.

    I heart you @SunflowersBride

    I think what allowed me to get over it is that my dad has been married to the woman he cheated with for 25+ years at this point, and they are soul mates if there ever was such a thing...so while I was upset when I found out how it happened, I can't possibly begrudge him a lifetime's worth of happiness when I know he and my mother were about the two most incompatible people in the world.  But I could only accept that as a fully formed adult, not as my angsty 16-year old self.

    Yes, exactly.  My mom and dad were incredibly ill-suited for each other, and my dad and his wife are a much, MUCH better match, and have been married for over 15 years.  The unfortunate part is that my parents STILL do not get along, and as an only child it's been tough for me to deal with them at times.  Maybe things will get better once the baby comes, but I'm not counting on any happy, family Christmas celebrations where we all celebrate together.
    @vstevens, @SunflowersBride This happened to DH's dad and mom also! He had a long term affair with his secretary, who he eventually married and is still married to after 20+ years. I can't imagine how completely horrible it must have been for DH's mom...they divorced when DH was 9. But by the same token, I suppose if it had to happen, at least DH's dad and his stepmom are still happily married. That seems easier to swallow than someone cheating and throwing away an entire relationship for a quick fling, rather than for someone else who is a better match.

    A
    imageimageimage

    image



    M/c #1 - 10/30/07 - 5w3d, DS1 - born at 36w, M/c#2 - 12/7/09 - 5w, M/c #3 - 1/13/10 - 4w6d, 
    M/c #4 - 3/16/10 - 5w1d, DS2 -  born via VBAC at 40w3d, M/c#5 - 11/5/12 - 7w2d
    BFP #8 - 5/5/13- Looks like a sticky one! DS3 - born via epi-free VBAC at 39w1d

  • I was married to a cheater.  I found out about a one-time thing 8 years later, it hurt worse than the the things that I learned of as they were happening.  Maybe because I felt like a fool, maybe because if I had known 8 years ago I could've ended it then instead of living a lie and not even knowing it...I don't know......overall it wasn't the worst thing he did but man does it sting to this day.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"