whining "pick me up!" CONSTANTLY! Advice?

marybeth1699 · October 2013

Does anyone else have a LO who yells "pick me up" constantly? Anytime I am in the kitchen making a meal or anytime we go up/down stairs or if we are headed out to the car, my son constantly whines "pick me up." He also does it just randomly. If we are sitting on the floor reading a book, he'll be in my lap and whine "pick me up." He is almost 2 and a half years old so it just isn't practical for me to constantly be picking him up. Plus I have a one year old who really does need to be picked up.

How do you handle it? Particularly at meal times when I am cooking and need both hands and can't possibly pick up a child safely (if I am cutting food or cooking at the stove with hot oil etc). I try telling him that I can't pick him right now but I will in a few minutes and all he does is stand at my legs clinging onto them and whining for me to pick him up. I wind up getting really frustrated and angry. I try not to yell b/c it never seems to produce any worthwhile results, but sometimes I just lose it and yell at him. Then of course, he cries and I feel like the worst mom ever.

Or for ex, this morning we were headed down stairs and I was carrying my one year old. I was almost at the bottom of the stairs when I noticed my older DS wasn't following and I looked up and he whined for me to pick him up. I said no because I wanted him to walk downstairs and I tried telling him that if he came downstairs we would go for a trip in the car (which he likes doing). He wouldn't come and it turned into a huge tantrum fest.

At that point I felt like I should just go up there and get him, but then aren't I just rewarding the tantrum and teaching him that if he makes a huge enough fuss, I'll cave in and he'll get his way? So I did wind up going up there and getting him because after 15 minutes he was still screaming and angry, but I brought him down and put him right into time out. I told him he was getting a time out for not listening to Mommy. Is there something else I should have done? HELP!

blu-eyedwife · October 2013

I feel for you, because we get a lot of "Uppies please" but I don't have a second child to contend with!

If we're out, or it's not convenient, I usually tell him he's big like Dada and I don't carry Dada. Sometimes I'll make him walk to a certain location (at the end of the aisle I'll pick you up). Sometimes I try to distract him with racing (this certainly is not going to work on stairs!).

I think you're in a really rough situation. I haven't been in it, so theoretically I would probably do the opposite of what you did, instead of "if you come down we'll go on a car trip" it'd be "if you don't come down, we won't go on a car trip. We'll go back in the house and that will be it for the day." But I know that's not always realistic, which is why I said theoretically.

For the kitchen stuff though, I've found a step stool works wonders! We don't carry/pick up in the house unless we're going for a diaper change, but he always wants to be picked up when I'm in the kitchen. Having a little stepstool (we call it his "helper stool") so he can be right beside me and see what I'm doing usually works as a good substitute.

memali26 · October 2013

I have a 2yo who is a snuggle bug and wants to be held a lot. Obviously I can't hold/carry her all day, and I also babysit for a 4 month old who does need to be held a lot, so I have to tell her no often. I don't like doing it, but it has to happen. I just tell her not right now, but I will pick her up/hold her when I'm done with xyz, and then I make sure I follow through every time. It's not a perfect system, but the older she gets the more she understands when I tell her she needs to wait and she knows I always follow through, so slowly it has cut down on some of the whining/begging.

For things like your example on the stairs, I let her tantrum it out. Eventually she either gets tired of tantruming/me ignoring the tantrum and gives it up, or she gets distracted by something else. If she's someplace unsafe, I will pick her up just long enough to move her to a safe place and then let her go. Once in a while I can't do that - such as when we're leaving to go to an appt and have to get out the door on time - and those times I just put her where I need her to be, like the car seat, and let her work it out there.

I also second the step stool idea. Both of my girls love to watch/help in the kitchen, and I let them get as close as they can and involve them as much as I can in anything that is safe. Stirring mixes, putting things in bowls, setting their toddler dishes on the table. Keeping them busy helps a lot!

jasrun80 · October 2013

I laughed out loud at the pick me up while you were reading...! My son wanted me to carry him around a lot at 9 months & I just didn't,,, he was even keel and just whined a couple days but pressed on. He also is giant and carrying him wasn't realistic when I was very pregnant with our second. So that helped. I think just talking to him face to face should help but if he doesn't care, then I'd just stop picking him up & if he screams and cries etc, be non responsive. If he says ok, give him a book/fruit snack/tv show/treat. I guess treating kids for self decided good behavior works best or that age. My daughter wants me to pick her up all the time. She screams and cries and has meltdowns but I don't need to hold her in my home. I need to put things away etc... She's relentless and cries for hours but I held her tons for her first year so she go hers when we needed it. I just explain to her that I know she wants to be held but she can read or play and I give her a hug. She's not old enoughto understand the treats method.... It's loud over here but it will end.

TiffanyBerry · October 2013

In the kitchen, when she's feeling like she really needs to be held, I carry her on my back. Usually, it's when she's got a bad boo-boo or she's really sick, so it doesn't happen often. I think it happens less often because she knows it's an option, honestly...

fancynewbeesly · October 2013

When my DD has her blanket---she always wants me to carry her. "Mommy, carry you." She doesn't want to trip on her blanket OR be separated from it--usually when she has it she is REALLY tired. She very rarely has it during the day out.

It definitely is hard though--because I know that she wouldn't want to be carried if she didn't have the damn blanket by her side.

blu-eyedwife · October 2013

jasrun80 said:

My daughter wants me to pick her up all the time. She screams and cries and has meltdowns but I don't need to hold her in my home. I need to put things away etc... She's relentless and cries for hours but I held her tons for her first year so she go hers when we needed it. I just explain to her that I know she wants to be held but she can read or play and I give her a hug.

I feel like I must be misreading/misunderstanding this. Your 15 month old cries for hours? You won't hold her anymore because she used up all her holding time during the first year? What kind of logic is that? Is that like "how are you hungry already, I fed you yesterday?"

She's 15 months old, not 15 years. She's not self sufficient. I would imagine her vocabulary is pretty limited and telling her "she can read" seems like you might be expecting more from her than she is capable of. And right now she's probably hitting the separation anxiety phase with a vengeance. Look, I realize you can't hold your children 24 hours a day at their every whim, but allowing a 15 month old to cry for hours is not the solution. Because realistically, you're not putting things away for hours.

bluejetta · October 2013

Yes. "Mommy Up" is a constant refrain here. Like PPs we also try to distract her when it isn't practical or would be unsafe (when cooking). Usually if DH or I are cooking the other is helping keep her busy. We try to let her "help" with the meal as that is usually why she wants up to see what is going on. We haven't got a stool yet but I'm looking into them.

We also get it a lot when we are out somewhere unfamiliar and she often protests if DH tries to pick her up. That is especially frustrating for us both and frankly I have shoulder bursitis and need a break -she's over 30lbs. We have some success capitalizing on her want to do things herself and asking her to walk. But I figure she will grow out of it so we try to be consistent but sometimes it just isn't the battle I pick -- and I realize with only 1 and not 2 it is easier for me to say that.

somewhereincali · October 2013

I have two kids that are two who both like to be picked up.
I get that it's hard but I try to do it when it's possible. Obviously if I'm cooking or doing something dangerous I tell then why I can't. But other times I try to just do it and I notice it cuts down on needing it other times.
I figure they won't want me to carry them when they are 10.
It's hard for me to carry both for long distances so if they both want to be carried I will tell them we need to take short turns.
And if both really want to be held I will put one in a back carrier and hold the other on the front.

somewhereincali · October 2013

And ditto the battle picking. I've noticed I'm much happier if I try to reduce the number of battles I pick (since once you get into it you feel like you are giving in if you change your mind

SusieBW · October 2013

DD stands on a kitchen chair pulled up to the counter and helps cook all the time. She stopped asking to be picked up so much when she figured out that she could just push the chair over to the counter herself. She still asks at other times, though, and mostly, I just pick her up. If it's not a convenient time, I might pick her up and give her a hug and tell her what I'm in the middle of, and then ask her to go and look for something. Hide and Seek is her favorite game right now (well, her own version of it, anyway), and she loves when I hide a toy or something and she has to go looking for it.

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