Home daycare & religion question

Re: Home daycare & religion question

• iwantnoworld member

  October 2013

  I wouldn't judge what she's going to be like without talking to her first. There are plenty of very very devout (:insert various religions:) that either have open viewpoints or don't allow their beliefs to crossover into every part of their life (such as a job). I would make her aware of your concerns in a completely non defensive way (make it seem like you don't want HER to be uncomfortable) and see if she feels like it would still be an okay fit. If there's hesitancy or if she agrees but outlines ways in which she incorporates her beliefs into her care, then look elsewhere.

  
  

  

  Report3 Reply
• Loading the player...
• LoCarb member

  October 2013

  I agree ask questions. In addition, to asking her viewpoints I would inquire if religion was introduced into the curriculum. For example, I looked at an in-home and the very religious provider read directly from the Bible during meal times to the kids. All children's books for story time and art work were religion based. This was a deal breaker for me.
  

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• cecilyandgautam member

  October 2013

  I would be really surprised if the notion of marriage, or sexuality more broadly, were part of this woman's daycare curriculum. You should ask and confirm how her faith influences the program she provides for the children. You already met her and your whole family clicked with her - so you know how she'll treat you & your LO so you aren't really questioning her sense of bias or willingness to care for the child of a family with different values than hers - you're questioning your comfort level with letting her care for your child. So sounds like you have some fact gathering & soul searching to do. 

  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• sdlaura member

  October 2013

  mainerocks said:

  This is such a tough one - so personal and so many factors playing in. Are there other equally good options out there?  For me personally, the daily prayer thing would be a big deal so I would check out other options, but not necessarily a deal breaker if the other options were crap.

  From the OP, it sounds like there was going to be prayer at a birthday party she held, but not in daycare?  I agree that daily prayer would not work for me, but I agree with the PPs to just ask more questions.
  

  BFP #1 9/2010 (lost our baby at 21 weeks) BFP #2 8/2011 (ectopic pregnancy) BFP #3 10/2011 (chemical pregnancy) BFP #4 12/2011 (Abigail born 8/15/12) BFP #5 5/2013 (Griffin born 1/23/14 with heart defects, now repaired!)

  
  

   

  Report0 Reply
• MagickalNarwhal member

  October 2013

  Thanks. This has given me some good ideas about what to ask. 

  
  

  It didn't come up on the tour that I'm gay (my wife didn't come) so she doesn't know. I am pretty confident that prayer is not part of the curriculum, or that she'd be explicitly teaching about marriage or sexuality. I'm more concerned with things like the PP said about how she might answer a question about why my kid has two moms, or how she might talk about different family structures if it comes up in the course of a day.

  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• MagickalNarwhal member

  October 2013

  And part of the problem is that I'm having a REALLY hard time finding other options! That's why I was so excited to make this connection! We need very part time care so if this doesn't work out we will likely have a nanny because we cannot find a center or in-home that can take both kids on a PT schedule. Argh! Childcare!

  

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• SoMoNY member

  October 2013

  Would be a deal breaker for me.  Even if there wasn't an issues at the start I'd always be afraid of when something will be an issue instead of if and then scrambling to find a replacement

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Allibob member

  October 2013

  Lurker here, but there are a wide variety of individual beliefs among SDAs despite what the official church stance is. Both my husband and I were raised SDA, so I'm quite familiar with the culture. I obviously can't speak for this woman, so you'll have to see for yourself. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the SDA lifestyle. See also: Adventists against Prop 8, Seventh-Gay Adventists, SDA Kinship.

  Report0 Reply
• JJ_13 member

  October 2013

  Personally I wouldn't. I would pull my child if I discovered that the nanny had said something that I felt was harmful or that we really disagreed with, but at this point I would eitehr ask questions or give her the benefit of the doubt. If you didn't see anything on your tour and she didn't say anything then I'd take that as a good sign.

  Maybe this is passive aggressive, but I'd probably call her back and say something like "my spouse would like to come in for a tour as well. can we set that up?" and then see how that tour goes. If that's fine then I wouldn't worry about it. For me, though, I care much more about things like is the nanny affectionate and loving, does she believe in gentle discipline the same way I do, is she caring and warm, compassionate, etc, than her specific religious beliefs (unless of course, they start taking a front stage position).

  Report0 Reply
• preggersin2011 member

  October 2013

  I also would ask a few more questions and go with your gut based upon the conversations... Maybe the mentioning of prayer at the party was an FYI for those who didn't want to be in that situation? (if you child comes I am going to pray so make sure you are okay with that?) If the person supports your family then there shouldn't be an issue. I would make list of questions and think about things. I was raised Jewish and was the only Jew in my elementary school. So I'm coming from a place where I grew up being told I killed Jesus & I'm going to hell for not going to church. I once posted a response to someone who asked about 'gut' feelings on a day care tour- i told them i declined a spot at once place because on my tour i was told 'my husband is welcome to come tour whenever he wants to'. If the center's business model is to assume children are born into married heterosexual relationships then I didn't want my daughter going there. If I was told I was welcome to return with anyone else who wants a tour than I'd have a difference opinion. I wanted to ask the director how she doesn't know that my husband didn't die, or that I'm gay, or perhaps I went to a sperm bank. Some people said I over reacted. Obviously i disagree and feel that the business should be separated from one's own opinions.
  
  If this person does have the kids pray during school before meals would you be okay with that? If Jesus was left out of the prayer and it was a generic thanks for our food type of thing? I would think about those things too & talk it over more. If the person is highly recommended then I'm guessing she isn't putting the children in a situation to raise them as her own religion.  I agree that love & affection are more important than the religion she practices in her own home.
  

  Report0 Reply
• kanga1622Wed220857 member

  November 2013

  You need to feel comfortable with the care your child receives. I think you did the right thing by sending her a message and letting her decide if she can handle it.
  
  I certainly would not want my kids in a place where the provider could make comments about my family type in a derogatory manner. You don't want your kids to hear that being gay is "xyz" or that Jewish religion is "abc."

  Report0 Reply