2 kids + working + DH who travels = need advice

*sparky* · October 2013

We have an 8-yr-old DS and are PG w/our 2nd child. I work three days/week at a job about an hour from our house. DH has a FT job that requires long hours - he sometimes travels and even when he doesn't he leaves the house around 6-ish and is home around 7:30-8:00. This will be the situation for the next couple of years due to the location of a project he is on.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

So I am struggling with how to juggle getting 2 kids to 2 different places and me to work and then getting everyone home in the evening without losing my mind. There is only one DC that is on the way to DS's school and it is the one DS attended as a baby that we pulled him out of because we weren't happy with it. I also know they don't offer PT infant care, so I will be paying for FT care when I only need 3 days/week. But they are under new ownership so I will probably go take a look.

All of the other centers that my friends have used are at least 10-15 minutes out of the way, which will make my commute up to 1.5 hours each way once I factor in dropping everyone off where they need to be. There is a DC right next to my office but that means baby is in the car for 2 hours a day, which does not seem ideal.

I'm starting to panic a little and thinking maybe the best thing is to look into getting a nanny. My dad can help somewhat but I really only want to rely on him in a pinch.

So WWYD or WDYD and if you have two kids that are not in the same place for care, how do you manage?

EastCoastBride · October 2013

If you can afford it, I'd look into getting a nanny. We had one PT for the first 2 years and it was WONDERFUL to be able to come home and have DS there. It really made life so much easier.

When he turned 2, we happened to move so our nanny quit, but it worked out - I felt it was time for him to go to a daycare and be around other kids anyhow.

While I only have 1, doing this really allowed me to adjust to being a working mom w/ relative ease. With you- this will allow you to adjust to being a working mom of 2!

Virgo17 · October 2013

I agree with looking into a Nanny. Does your older child currently go to aftercare on days you work? A Nanny would eliminate the need for that expense as well. She may also be available to help in the evenings when DH is out of town.

sillygirlio · October 2013

Do you have any in-home daycares close by? I would try that. They are sometimes more willing to work with part time kids.

*sparky* · October 2013

Virgo17 said:

I agree with looking into a Nanny. Does your older child currently go to aftercare on days you work? A Nanny would eliminate the need for that expense as well. She may also be available to help in the evenings when DH is out of town.

2 days a week he goes to aftercare @ school. One day a week my dad picks him up and takes him to running.

In the summer he goes to different camps which adds up, but with a nanny I could cut back on the number of weeks he's at camp and just do a couple of special ones, which would also save me a couple thousand dollars.

Good point about the evenings - that did have me in a bit of a panic as well. Soccer nights are tough for us - we usually have just enough time to eat, take a look at homework he did in aftercare, change, and run out the door.

*sparky* · October 2013

sillygirlio said:

Do you have any in-home daycares close by? I would try that. They are sometimes more willing to work with part time kids.

It's been a while but last time I looked at in-home daycares in the area, I was not impressed. I found several that were unlicensed and only a couple of licensed in-home daycares, but really did not love the ones I looked at.

thedash · October 2013

A nanny sounds like it will make your life much much easier. You could look for someone who wants to do a nanny share in your home if you need help with the expense.

preggersin2011 · October 2013

Since others have already suggested a nanny I'll add something different. I'm only asking since it is one of the things that should be asked. How much do you make working part time? Does it offset the cost of gas/tolls, daycare/nanny, maintenance on the car, etc. to travel two hours each day? I would see what the net dollar amount is and make my plan based upon that. Say it is $100/week, you might be able to figure out a way to eliminate that cost elsewhere, if it is in the red then you are loosing money by working. I'm not sure if this is a career job or just an extra play money job either. I'm not saying don't work- I love working and being an adult. I'm just saying that in this situation with essentially being a single parent for a while, maybe you shouldn't stretch yourself too thin.

*sparky* · October 2013

preggersin2011 said:

Since others have already suggested a nanny I'll add something different. I'm only asking since it is one of the things that should be asked. How much do you make working part time? Does it offset the cost of gas/tolls, daycare/nanny, maintenance on the car, etc. to travel two hours each day? I would see what the net dollar amount is and make my plan based upon that. Say it is $100/week, you might be able to figure out a way to eliminate that cost elsewhere, if it is in the red then you are loosing money by working. I'm not sure if this is a career job or just an extra play money job either. I'm not saying don't work- I love working and being an adult. I'm just saying that in this situation with essentially being a single parent for a while, maybe you shouldn't stretch yourself too thin.

I understand what you're saying and have toyed with the idea of SAH, but I do like working and I do make more than enough to justify the costs associated with me working.

jf198400 · October 2013

I also say go with a nanny, if you can afford it. My DH is gone long hours, similar to yours. I now work close to home and take 2 kids to DC and its still tough getting everyone out in the morning. I used to have an hour commute each way. At the time my mom was our babysitter, she came to our house, and it was wonderful. She would empty the dishwasher, bring in the mail, feed the dog, do the kids laundry, etc. I didn't have to pack bags or make lunches. When I came home from work, she would stay a little longer so I could get changed, start dinner, etc. It was so helpful. It made my evenings way less crazy.

NicoleWI · October 2013

NANNY! It's hard to find someone good, but if you do, it will make your life SOOO much easier. Especially with a baby. You don't have to pre-make all the bottles, or deal with as many illnesses while single-ish-parenting.

ridesbuttons · October 2013

Is your job worth it? Are there opportunities closer to home that would make sense? Easy for me to say but I'd consider rethinking the whole model.

If you stick to what you know, remember that the juggling is temporary and it will get easier with time. You'll become more accustomed to the routine and the kids will get easier to manage as they age.

shannm · October 2013

*sparky* said:
We have an 8-yr-old DS and are PG w/our 2nd child. I work three days/week at a job about an hour from our house. DH has a FT job that requires long hours - he sometimes travels and even when he doesn't he leaves the house around 6-ish and is home around 7:30-8:00. This will be the situation for the next couple of years due to the location of a project he is on.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

So I am struggling with how to juggle getting 2 kids to 2 different places and me to work and then getting everyone home in the evening without losing my mind. There is only one DC that is on the way to DS's school and it is the one DS attended as a baby that we pulled him out of because we weren't happy with it. I also know they don't offer PT infant care, so I will be paying for FT care when I only need 3 days/week. But they are under new ownership so I will probably go take a look.

All of the other centers that my friends have used are at least 10-15 minutes out of the way, which will make my commute up to 1.5 hours each way once I factor in dropping everyone off where they need to be. There is a DC right next to my office but that means baby is in the car for 2 hours a day, which does not seem ideal.

I'm starting to panic a little and thinking maybe the best thing is to look into getting a nanny. My dad can help somewhat but I really only want to rely on him in a pinch.

So WWYD or WDYD and if you have two kids that are not in the same place for care, how do you manage?

In your specific situation, I would look for a nanny who can both look after the baby and take care of your son after school.

Starting in July, I will be solely responsible for the kids m-f. This includes school drop off/pickup and daycare. Even though it will double my daycare costs, I am considering a nanny. Most days, I could make it work but it would mean really long days for my toddler and I would be screwed if I hit traffic.

bethann3181 · October 2013

Another vote for a nanny! And, our nanny is cheaper than daycare would be - don't be discouraged with the stereotype that nannies are always the more costly option.

*sparky* · October 2013

@ridesbuttons - I don't love my job, but it pays well and allows me to work PT and leave around 4:00-4:30. Finding a PT job at my level with flexibility is very difficult, so that is why I deal with the long commute. I do periodically look for something closer to my house, but have not found anything that is really a good fit yet. With DH being gone, I love having those 2 days/week off.

I did try doing some consulting work for a while, but it was inconsistent and I actually found I have more control over my schedule with my salaried job than with consulting. SO I have pretty much given that up.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will look into getting a nanny who can watch LO and pick DS up from school and have both kids til I get home. Getting DS to school in the morning is no problem as it is on my way to work.

MammaBear81 · October 2013

I prepare a lot on the weekends, pack the car the night before, and plan, plan, plan. We do have in home care, which is great, but when my work schedule was different I was able to drop off the preschool aged child at school on my way to work. I think the hard thing here is your commute. Mine is 45 min each way, which I hate, I can't imagine 1.5 hours each way. My DH works nights so he comes home when I leave in the AM, and then he's sleeping when I get home, gets up at 10pm and goes to work, so I'm alone every night from when I get home to 7:30am.

mae0111 · October 2013

I don't have much more to add, but I will put another vote in the nanny column. When I had DD1, DH traveled a ton. I remember one stretch over 40 days, he was gone for 38 of them. If we didn't have a nanny, I would have gone insane. Not worrying about getting DD out the door when she wasn't self-sufficient, or scrambling to get to daycare pick-up because traffic was awful, etc., was worth the higher cost of care.

Now, with 2, I drop DD1 off at pre-K 3 days a week - one day I go directly to work, and the other 2 I take DD2 with us and head home to work. Our nanny starts a bit later on my WFH days. Our nanny picks DD1 up from school all 3 days. It really does work out well, and my stress level is not super high. Totally worth it, as long as you find the right match.

*sparky* · October 2013

@mae0111 - thanks for the advice. The more I think about it, the more I think I will go insane without a nanny. And remembering how often DS was sick as a baby when he was in DC, having to deal with that on my own because DH is traveling will just make me even more crazy.

Where did you find your nanny? Through an agency or some other resource?

emberlee3 · October 2013

We had a nanny last year. We found her through an agency. It was worth the fee. I know many people who found their nanny through word of mouth, and a few have used Craigslist or care.com.

mae0111 · October 2013

I used sittercity and care.com. We are on our 3rd nanny, (in 4 years), but we had really good luck with those sites. For our current nanny, it took a while, and we were about to sign up with an agency to help with the search. But then she showed up through care.com. She's great!

*sparky* · October 2013

@emberlee3 & @mae0111 - thank you! I will check out local agencies and care.com. I will also try spreading the word through friends that we are searching.

mae0111 · October 2013

are you in touch with anyone from your DS's old daycares? I know lots of people who hired teachers from their kids' daycares as full time nannies.

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2 kids + working + DH who travels = need advice

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