Military Families
Pregnant during deployment
Hi all, Just looking for some input on similar situations.
My husband will be deploying soon and we have a few months to try for baby #2 before he leaves. Our first child will be 2 around the time he leaves and we'd like to keep building our family. I want another child but having heavy reservations about coping with deployment while being pregnant, and him coming home to a brain-dead, sleep-deprived wife and newborn baby on top of trying to readjust.This is my first deployment (his second) and there are so many unknowns surrounding his return.
Anyone else out there decided to have a baby while your family was apart? Do you have suggestions on how to make it work, or warnings to just wait for return?
Thanks.
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Re: Pregnant during deployment
CJ 05/29/2013
I'm hoping to be in that situation. Well, I was hoping to be pregnant months ago...but that hasn't worked out. At this point I'm just hoping to give DS a sibling at some point in time...and if that happens to be during deployment, so be it.
If we manage to get pregnant before he leaves and the pregnancy makes it, I'll cope. If it doesn't, I'm sure DS will keep me plenty busy. I'm AMA, so waiting until he retires in a couple years isn't an option. No guarantees as he moves to a ship that he'll be around, but such is life.
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Are you in a new city?
Do you have family and friends around to help?
How will you both feel about him missing big appointments and the birth?
How will you both feel if he is at the birth but has to return shortly after?
We had a surprise pregnancy with DD. we had just moved very far from family and friends and DH deployed a month later. I was really sick throughout the entire pregnancy and very lonely. It was also difficult looking for a new job while pregnant. I had to wait nearly a week after my positive pregnancy test to be able to tell him because he couldn't talk until he made a port call. He got to come home for the birth but had to leave again 20 days later. It was really tough being alone with a newborn. It was a hard adjustment for both of us when he returned because so much had changed. If it were me I would not plan a pregnancy right before a deployment because the the dates always seem to get extended and there is so much unknown.
I've been pregnant with a preschooler during a deployment. We found out I was pregnant with #2 (planned) on a Monday and H got his deployment orders out of the blue that Thursday. I would never, EVER voluntarily plan a pregnancy/birth during deployment. It wasn't only hard for me physically and emotionally (particularly as I was far away from family), but I think it was almost worse for H to be so far from us when he knew what he was missing.
It's absolutely true that you can't always plan your life around the military, but in this case I would absolutely recommend holding off on TTC.
Couldn't agree more! We want to try for baby #2 but DH will be deploying soon so we are waiting till he comes back. I wouldn't want to be pregnant alone.
It all really depends on what you personally need during your pregnancy. I'm desperate to get pregnant and have my first baby before DH has to go away for his first long deployment.
I myself am a Military Spouse and my husband has a 3rd deployment looming for next year. We would love for it to happen before he gets deployed so he can be there for the birth. But, of course thats not in our control. We just went through a miscarriage, but its not going to stop us from trying again, with hopes of a birth before he goes.
But I say. Go a head, see what happends, if its ment to happen it will. I have read what some of the other ladies have posted to you. you have great advice from all of them, I couldnt say anything different or more then whats been said already.
The days leading up to his then 2nd (my first) I remember being so scared and so nervous, that i was literally getting myself sick. It was because of the fear of the unknown. If you feel that you can be emotionally and physically prepaired. You should be in fantastic standing. Deployment is stressful and I dont want it to ended up being a negative experience for you.
He'll be back for the delivery. But only for 2 weeks. After that, he'll still have 7 1/2 months to go before he can come home. I think that's the part that worries me the most. I'm a FTM so I'll he learning everything alone. The base he's stationed at is pretty particular about letting spouses come home for things like that so he's already had the leave tentatively approved. We just need to give exact dates.
As for being here for the hard part, as I've read in other posts, for me, that was the 1st trimester. Fortunately he was here for that. I was also able to stop working during that time so that helped. As for the appts, he made it to every single one til he left. This next one will be my first one to go to alone. I think he feels more disappointed about missing the rest than me because he hates to think of me going through things alone. But I have a really good support group of family and friends, so I'll never have to really do anything alone. Also, Just got another job and my first day was actually today. It helps to stay busy and be around other people, for me at least.
All that to say... Everyone is different. Whatever you feel like you can handle, go with that. But for the most part, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Good luck!!