Trouble TTC

Some hope tainted with jealousy (warning BFP mentioned-not mine)

A friend of mine has also been struggling TTC (tried on their own for 2 years before seeking help) and just had her first IUI about 2 weeks ago.  Well, looks like one IUI was all it took, because yesterday she got a BFP from her beta test. I am so happy for them.  And stories like this give me so much hope, even if our issues are different.  Well, at least that was my initial response. Then I got sad thinking I wish I could be happy for us.  I hate feeling this way, I just want to have 100% pure happiness for them, not tainted with jealousy. 

TTC #1 Since October 2012

Me (35): 25mg of synthroid to keep TSH below 2.5

DH (35): 1% normal morphology

June 2013 - Started fertility testing

August 2013 - GonalF + Trigger + TI = BFN (IUI canceled - too many follies)

September 2013 - Benched due to cysts

October 2013 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP on HPT starting 10/31

December 2013 - Miscarriage due to Trisomy 16 :(

February 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN

March 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN

April 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI + progesterone = chemical pregnancy :(

Re: Some hope tainted with jealousy (warning BFP mentioned-not mine)

  • Isnt it the worst?  It makes me feel horrible, but i just cannot be happy for other people when I am so sad for myself.  Sorry, you need a big hug!
    Ba hahahaha!


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    Me-30 DH-34
    2002- Diagnosed with PCOS at 18
    10/11-10/12 - tried to conceive naturally with Metformin, due to PCOS never had a cycle
    10/12-12/12 3 cycles of Clomid - fail
    6/13- 1st cycle on Clomid 50mg, Metformin, Follistim, and Ovidrel- BFN
    7/13 2nd cycle on Clomid 50 mg, Metformin, Follistim, and Ovidrel 1st IUI - BFN
    8/13 3rd cycle on Clomid 50 mg, Metformin, Follistim, and Ovidrel 2nd IUI - BFN
    9/13 4th cycle on Clomid 50 mg, Metformin, Follistim, and Ovidrel - Benched with Cysts
    From 12/13 to current I have ovulated 4 times naturally
    Currently on break to get healthy.... 35 pounds down, 13 to go!
    All Are Welcome!!

  • I'm glad you posted this.  I feel the same about women who get BFPs on IUI #1.  What makes it even worse is that I haven't even had IUI #1 yet.  I literally have no right to be envious.  Heavy sigh. 
    Me: 34 | He: 40
    TTC since 08/2012
    DX: DOR




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  • Thanks guys, it's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. The ridiculous thing is that we just had our first IUI this past weekend and are now in the 2ww.  So this cycle could work, I just don't know.  That's why I'm even more irritated with myself for the whole envy thing - we could be in the same boat. But if not, I am going to have a hard time talking to her about all this stuff still. This is going to be a very long 12 days for me...... sigh.

    TTC #1 Since October 2012

    Me (35): 25mg of synthroid to keep TSH below 2.5

    DH (35): 1% normal morphology

    June 2013 - Started fertility testing

    August 2013 - GonalF + Trigger + TI = BFN (IUI canceled - too many follies)

    September 2013 - Benched due to cysts

    October 2013 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP on HPT starting 10/31

    December 2013 - Miscarriage due to Trisomy 16 :(

    February 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN

    March 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI = BFN

    April 2014 - GonalF + Ovidrel + IUI + progesterone = chemical pregnancy :(

  • Shoot, I get jealous of people who are successful on IUI #2!  I think there will always be a hint of jealousy there, regardless - it's human.  But the time period from jealousy to happy is quicker the more someone has done.  I feel evil just typing that!!  But hey, we make it to the happy/celebration phase eventually - we just need some time to process.


    Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
    IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
    IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
    Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545  -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!
    Camila Josephine arrived 4/30 :)
  • It's ok to wish it was your news too. It can be very frustrating when people around you get to share the happy news that you dream of. When it eventually happens it will make it all the more special. Best of luck.
  • I know 2 women who conceived on their first tries and then complained about pregnancy.  I wanted to smack them each time they complained. 
    Ready to take the road less traveled. 
  • I had a friend tell me "I beat you, I'm pregnant!"  and then I still had to be happy for her. To her credit, she doesn't know we've been seeing the RE, but I just about had a nervous breakdown when I got that text.  On vacation.  During dinner.

    You're not alone, promise. 


    imageimage


    Alexander - 8/9/14
  • Ugh. I've totally been there. It's bad enough that we have to feel the way we do about our IF, but then add in the guilt of wanting to be happy and supportive but having to struggle to do it. Try to focus more on the hope part, but when that's hard, allow yourself to not be 100% excited about your friend's good fortune. It's okay not to be super happy for them. You fake it when you can (for the other person's benefit) but you're allowed to not be their #1 supporter during this. Take care.
    30 yrs, healthy & TTC since April 2010 
    DH 32yrs & healthy
    *unexplained infertility* 

    Regularly access alternative medicine to supplement a lack of resources in our geographical area.
    • Three rounds of clomid (50mg days 3-7) were useless.
    • IUI#1 w/clomid & HCG in May 2013, BFN.
    • IUI#2 w/clomid & HCG on July 23rd. BFN.
    • IUI #3 in August cancelled last minute, due to lab error.
    • IVF#1 - Started Gonal F stims October 13 2013 for IUI. Over-responded with too many follicles, so converted to IVF. Retrieval October 29th - got 5 eggs, 4 fertilized. Had 2 perfect little embryos transferred on day 3 (Nov. 1). The remaining 2 didn't survive to freeze. Got our BFN on November 13th 2013.
    • IVF#2 - Started stims August 21st. Triggered with Suprefact, started on dostinex due to risk of OHSS. Retrieval September 5th - got 27 eggs! 21 embryos on day 3. Embryos deteriorated quickly. ESet 5day blast on Sept 10. No embryos high enough quality to freeze. BFN came Sept. 22.

    Reserved a semi-known proven donor in August .

    Waiting for consult/screening and protocols with estimated fresh cycle timing in October



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  • Ugh!  I think there is always that twinge of jealousy no matter how many IUIs the person has had or how happy you are for them.  It always seems to sting for me -- some more than others. 

    Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling that way, OP.  We have all been there more than we would like to admit. 

    Here's hoping you get your BFP soon!

    **************SIGGY WARNING**************

    BLOG

    Me 32 :: DH 41

     TTC since November, 2011

    DH's SA : Excellent

    Lap and Hysteroscopy June 2012

    DX: PCOS, Stage III Endo, slight Adenomyosis, blocked tube, and probable LPD

    Treatments:  6 Months Lupron Depot injections; 1500 mg metformin; 3 cycles of Clomid + TI = BFN

    3 endometrial biopsies all were "out of phase" 

    September - December, 2013:  Break to lose weight and get healthy

    40 lb weight loss but still not ovulating "in phase"  

    February - March 2014: bcps + follistim + trigger + TI = BFP

     Beta #1 (12dpo): 30; Beta #2 (18dpo): 500; Beta #3 (25dpo): 7,000!!! 

    1st u/s 4/16: One beautiful hb at 144 bmp 

    2nd u/s 4/29: hb at 166 bmp.  Graduated from RE!!

    TEAM PINK! 

    Baby girl arrived on Thanksgiving day weighing 7lbs 6oz and measuring 20 inches

    image 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image


  • It happens to me all the time when my friends get pregnant... if they are having problems or not, I still am jealous.  At first i would get down on myself for thinking such things but then I remember, I am human and it happens.  My friends know I am not any less happy for them just because I am jealous.  All three of my best friends have gotten pregnant before me and our friendships survived... and I know they will be there for me one day. :)
    Siggy Warning... loss mentioned

    Married since March 2008 -- Me- 31    DH - 30  Trying to grow our family since 2009... Diagnosed Unexplained Infertility 

    Started seeing RE Aug 2013

    Cycle #1  – IUI #1  10.31.13 - BFN

    Cycle #2 - IUI #2 cancelled – FAIL

    Cycle #3 - IUI #2 12.27.13  BFN

    Cycle #4 -  IUI #3 1.24.14  BFN

    Cycle #5 - IVF #1 with ICSI(2 3bb blasts) 3.19.14, no frosties.. BFN


    Surprise BFP on 6.10.14 ... Miscarried 7.7.14 


    Walked away from Fertility Treatments and began to look into our Foster/Adopt License in April 2014.


    Our Journey Blog...  http://salatafamilyest2008.blogspot.com/


  • I'm sorry. IF is crappy and sometimes it just hurts to be happy for someone else. I had 2 friends announce BFPs on social media this week and I'm ashamed that my first reaction was "You're freakin kidding me." It sounds like you guys are pretty open with each other since you know about your IF troubles...so I'm pretty sure she's been in your shoes too and will understand that twinge of jealousy. GL to you this cycle...fx for beta!
    {Me:27, Dx:PCOS, LPD, & rob(14;15)}
    {DH:31 all clear, "super sperm"}
    Ecstatically married July 30, 2011--TTC since Jan 2013:::Baby #1 due 9/11, Conceived on cycle #5 of Femara + Hcg + IUI
    ~Love and Light to everyone~ 
    image image
    My furbabies--Mr. Bubbles and Miss Kitty <3
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker  

    image image
  • I'm sorry. I know what you're feeling. Our friends were TTC for one year and, I know it is terribly horrible of me, but I secretly wished they would at least have some issues because I'm tired of feeling so alone in this. When when they announced it I was happy for them, but I couldn't help feeling that it's not fair that they did it one year and we've been trying for two and nothing.

    N14 Nov. Siggy: CELEBRATION!

    image image
    TTC since 2011
    Aug. - Sept. 2013 - dIUIs = BFNs
    January 2014 - IVF = 3 freezer babies
    March 2014 - FET of AA and AB blast = BFP! Twins! 
    Nov. 7, 2014 - Wilhelmina "Willa" Suzanne (4lb 14oz) and Ari Jose (6lb 4oz) were born via CS
    image image
     
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    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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