1st Court Hearing Yesterday

jokimoto · October 2013

So I had my first court hearing yesterday and it actually went well. My STBXH doesn't want to get a lawyer, so mine sat down with us and we worked out some of the unknowns. He agreed to give me sole custody. He will continue to pay me $400 a month in maintenance and once LO is born he will pay me $940 a month, between maintenance and CS. He seemed a little shocked by the CS/maintenance number, but I tried to warn him that this wasn't going to be cheap. We also worked out that for the first 6 weeks after LO is born he will have a minimum of 5 hours per week with her and we will revisit to revise that at a later date. The 5 hours wasn't determined by a judge, my lawyer asked STBXH what he wanted he said he didn't really know and my lawyer said "how does 5 hours sound to everyone?" Otherwise the judge approved everything, my lawyer will start to draw up final paper work on everything and we will have the final hearing after LO is born. I feel like this is all going a little too smoothly, but that's fine with me.

After court STBXH asked if we could talk and we went to panera. It was a nice conversation, well better than some of the other ones we've been having. I finally told him how his actions, i.e. pretending like we are some happy couple expecting a baby, were making me feel. I told him that his insistence that he wants to be friends and the fact that he doesn't understand why I can't do that right now (or possibly ever), feels like a lack of empathy and understanding of how deeply he's hurt me. At least at that moment he seemed to garner some greater understanding and actually said he screwed up. He admitted he screwed up!!! Not that we're going to get back together or that he's breaking up with his GF, but it was nice to hear anyway.

Sorry for always having longish posts! I just wanted to share and I feel some relief now that things are more in motion and there are some less unknowns.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

EarthandFire · October 2013

Yeah! Being able to tell him how you're feeling much be so liberating and his getting to the point where he understands I think is a huge step forward. So glad things are getting better and it looks like co-parents may be a less than painful experience with your STBXH. That's hug. So happy for you.

rachaelT28 · October 2013

I am there with you, I gave birth to my third son with my stbxh a week ago. He came over yesterday to see the boys and it was probably the first decent conversation we had in a long time. Since we have court coming up in a week it felt good to finally tell him what hurt so badly about what he did and to start having a conversation about what is fair in a divorce settlement so that hopefully next Monday is not completely miserable for everyone.
I am glad that your talks worked out so well it gives me hope that maybe my hearing next Monday won't be the worst experience of my life.

inthelost · October 2013

Glad yall are able to come to a conclusion and everything seems to be working out.

eg214 · October 2013

Oh wow! I had no idea you could go to court over such issues while you were still PG. I guess because you all are still married that is why. Man, my life would be so much easier if I could get this mess out of the way now

Glad you were able to get it all worked out and have a positive convo.

lilhockeygurlMOM · October 2013

I'm so happy to hear that things went your way at court. Yeah!!!! And I'm also super happy to hear you two communicated and were nice to each other. And most of all I'm happy you got your true feelings out and that he openingly admitted that he screwed up.

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