Stagnant

itsmevkb · October 2013

I need you ladies to whip me into shape. I feel like I'm stuck.

Quick backstory:

November - Had Maren

February - post-partum pap test showed stage zero cervical cancer, had a leep procedure done to remove the bad cervical cells but the doctor did not get clean margins

May - had follow-up pap test which was not normal but not showing precancerous abnormalities

Now, I should have gone in for another pap in September but my doctor has been out on a medical leave since August. At first they said he would be back in early October so I figured I would just wait until he was back as he knows my complete history. Well, it's now almost November and I find out he's not going to be back until possibly January. I know I can call and schedule the test with another doctor but honestly, I just am scared to get the results.

If the results are still abnormal but not precancerous I'm still in limbo. If the results are precancerous again my doctor wants me to get a hysterectomy which I am definitely not on board with as we have a frozen embryo. If the results are normal then hooray but it means I need to move quickly to do a FET before it possibly turns bad again and well, I don't know that I'm ready for that yet either (the testing, my thyroid has been whacky again lately, pregnancy kicks my butt and even more so at 42/43, can I handle the disappointment of not getting pregnant and/or another miscarriage, did I mention the four kids I have at home?)

Some days it just seems easier to not find out.

Ruthie04 · October 2013

I'm so sorry for all this limbo. I know its not the same, but I had similar feelings with my recent mammogram. My nipple had turned in for months before I got myself into the doctor. I didn't even mention it to the receptionist when I made the appointment because I was afraid they'd make me come in earlier. And, I rescheduled my appontment twice. But, the doctor's face when I took off the gown was enough to tell me I should have been in long before that appointment.

But, the thing is- if it is bad news, it will be bad news tomorrow or in January. It could just be worse news in January. Also, if it is good news, you'll have this anxiety behibd you and you'll be able to focus on the holidays without the stress of that upcoming appt. Nothing truly good or productive can come from waiting- only in knowing. That kind of thinking is the only way I got myself to pick up that phone.

Many hugs coming your way. It's just not fair that you are having to make these kind of choices. Thinking of you!!

pb_bride · October 2013

I agree with @chiwifey. For me, the "not knowing" part will paralyze me. When I know something, I feel at least I can make some sort of decision, you know?

TJ1979 · October 2013

Sweetheart, please go get checked. Cervical cancer can metastasize to the bladder, intestines, lungs, and liver. I understand that not knowing is easier. But the only way to act is to know the facts. Cancer is a bitch, and the quicker you can catch it, the more treatable it is.
Maybe having a different doctor is actually a really good thing. Working at a cancer hospital, I strongly believe in 2nd opinions. Please schedule your check up. Do it for your kids.

CarrieB. · October 2013

Everyone on here is giving great advice. Do you have another doctor that you can make the appointment with? Sending lots of T&Ps your way.

itsmevkb · October 2013

Thanks ladies. Sometimes writing it out and having someone remind me that it's not just me anymore, that I need to take care of myself for my children is just what I need.

Appointment made!

Saraevh · October 2013

@itsmevkb he's out until JANUARY now?

I am SO glad I left when I did. That is ridiculous.

If I were you I would find a new doctor and get the pap done again ASAP. You don't want to wait any longer. I honestly cannot recommend Dr Powell enough. She see's patients at Women's Pavilion and at the Women's Care Center (but Women's Pavilion would be closer to you). She is wonderful and amazing and has taken me under her wing as if I have been a patient of hers for forever. When I had my first appointment with her she was telling ME my history. She had looked over everything and spent over a half an hour with me going over everything, coming up with a plan for the future, etc. Seriously. I cannot recommend her enough so far. She has even called me at home and is usually the one to answer my MyChart messages just like Dr. Bear used to.

You know I'm an anxious pregnant person and I really think you would like her. I know so many people who see her and the others in her practice (@CarrieB sees a doctor in her group too!). Plus it might be nice to get a second opinion about everything that's going on too.

I have not been impressed with the others in Bear's group AT ALL. Saike was seriously a joke, and the other two women don't see patients at the Mayfair Rd. location. Maybe Carlson would be okay? I don't know. If I were you I would probably bail and go somewhere else.

The way Amy was talking to me about everything, who knows if he is ever going to come back and you need to get your health taken care of sooner rather than later.

kaf7 · October 2013

I am glad you made the appointment. I agreed with PPs. Fx crossed you're all clear and your mind is at peace. Let us know how it goes. We are with you no matter what.

Dragonfly1226 · October 2013

First let me say that I cannot imagine what it is like to deal with this. I wish you didn't have to, but it am so very glad that you made the appointment. I am sending tons of thoughts and prayers for a normal result withy your next pap. (((Hugs)))

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