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December 2013 Moms
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Say what? (vent/advice needed)

StffhappnsStffhappns member
in December 2013 Moms
First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry I haven't been participating much in the past few months.  It's hard for me to get really involved when there are so many discussions about DH's and family matters.  I still read the board all the time, but don't feel that I have much to contribute.  But, thanks for being  so damned entertaining and so... D13!

Anywho, I just got off the phone with my shower hostess who casually mentioned that she had told some people not to buy me anything for the shower because I already had way too much stuff.  I had no idea how to respond to that since this chick has 'critiqued" my registries at my request, and we're typically pretty honest and open with each other.  Admittedly, I have gotten a few hand me down toys and some pre-loved clothes (mostly NB or 3 mos), and the big ticket items (purchased myself), but I don't think that I'm totally ready for this baby.  And she must think I have more "stuff" than I actually do.  I have no idea why she would be telling people that!

I understand that no one is obligated to give me anything, and this baby is my responsibility to take care of... but if that's what she thinks, what's she telling everyone else?!?!  Can anyone think of a way to mitigate this damage, or am I just SOL? 

Thanks for letting me complain.
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Re: Say what? (vent/advice needed)

  • watercolor5watercolor5 member
    That's odd... the point of a shower is to shower you with gifts.  If I were going to be a guest at a shower, I'd get a gift whether or not someone told me you had a lot already, especially if you have a registry with unpurchased items.  If I had no clue what to get because you "had it all," I'd get diapers or a gift card. 

    I'd probably have an honest conversation with her and talk about how you are nesting but still don't feel prepared.  I might go so far as to ask her not to tell guests what to/what not to get, and let them gift whatever they would like to. 

    I honestly don't need much of anything because I had a daughter last year, and I'm due with my second daughter.  My friends are insisting on throwing a sprinkle to help with diapers and wipes- babies are expensive, and there are always things they need.
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  • Caitlinh27Caitlinh27 member
    Whoa! I'd be pissed! Sorry you have to deal with that :(

     

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  • thetheisensthetheisens member
    Maybe she just said it to people who didn't have a lot of money for a gift? Or maybe someone told her that they didn't have money for a gift but wanted to come and she is covering for them so they don't feel bad coming empty handed? 
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  • chemily8chemily8 member
    No matter what anyone said I would never attend a shower without bringing a gift. I would confront her but I'm sure people will still bring gifts.
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  • lilypienmessimylilypienmessimy member
    That's so odd! Who says that? I would be pissed if someone did that and then told me. I would say something to her, I just don't have advice on exactly what because I'm quite speechless. Is she a good friend? I'm so confused why she would say that. As PP have said, I would still come with a gift, there's no way I would go to a shower without bringing a gift.

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  • mh89mh89 member
    Wow I'd be really angry. You should say something to her about it, especially since you say you're both usually honest and blunt with each other. 
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  • insertclevernameinsertclevername member
    That is bizarre that she would do that.  Even if someone told me not to bring a gift to a shower I would still bring a gift.
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  • StffhappnsStffhappns member
    superspecialsnowflake said:
    Wow.  I am literally stunned that she is actively saying that to people, and furthermore, telling you she did so.

    Is she generally this meddling/controlling to take it upon herself to tell others what they should and should not do? 
    She's not usually this controlling.  Sure she's opinionated, but we usually keep those snarky type opinions to ourselves.
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  • StffhappnsStffhappns member
    thetheisens said:
    Maybe she just said it to people who didn't have a lot of money for a gift? Or maybe someone told her that they didn't have money for a gift but wanted to come and she is covering for them so they don't feel bad coming empty handed? 
    That's what I'm hoping.  If that's the case, I'm totally cool with it because I know that some of our friends are usually pretty tight on cash.  I don't expect anything from them except for love and friendship but it's making me nuts that she can't remember everyone she told this to!
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  • StffhappnsStffhappns member
    I'm definitely going to say something to her, at least in the hopes that she doesn't do this to another friend whose shower she is co-hosting.  I'm still just baffled by it all.
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  • Lyzza350Lyzza350 member
    I wouldn't be too worried because I can't imagine going to a shower without a gift. But, I would say something so that she doesn't say this to anyone else!
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  • malamutemommymalamutemommy member
    I personally, no matter what someone said, would not show up to a "gift giving event" such as a baby shower without bringing a gift. Even if I was strapped on cash I would at least bring a card with $5 in it, at least it's something. I would definitely say something to her in the most non abrasive way possible.
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  • lollipoppooplollipoppoop member
    Wow! That is crazy! The only person I told not to bring anything to my shower was my sister because she complained about not having any money
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  • KFED103KFED103 member
    That's a very weird thing to say. I couldn't even venture to guess why. I'm sure everyone will still show up with gifts, who wouldn't...seriously

    "Dont fucking ever come out your face talking shit like that" -SG 1/12/2014
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  • OnlyAwesomenessOnlyAwesomeness member
    Totally the point of a shower... GIFTS DUH!   Maybe you should just come straight out and be honest and tell her you don't have too much stuff and there are things you need.  If she's got attitude then ask why she's hosting at all?  Good Luck.  <ugh>   
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  • StffhappnsStffhappns member
    It actually all worked out.  I can't believe how generous the ladies at my shower were.  It was a beautiful and simple shower, just the way I would have asked for if I had planned it myself :)

    I still don't know why she was being nutso, but guess her message wasn't passed around to too many people, or wasn't taken seriously. 
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