To those with outside babies: Can you give some advice?

Icarriedawatermelon · October 2013

For those of you with outside babies, if you were able to go back and give yourself one piece of advice about the whole labor/delivery process, what would it be? I am a FTM who is due on the 31st and I am quite nervous about the labor/delivery. Just wondering if you have any helpful words of wisdom as someone who has already been through it.

Thanks in advance!

laurenmdrn16 · October 2013

My advice would be to keep an open mind and listen to your gut. I had my heart set on a natural birth, but the plan changed and I had to have an emergency cs. Obviously, that doesn't happen to everyone. The point is, keep your eye on the prize. As long as mama and baby are healthy, go with it!

Also, try not to take things your SO says personally. MH was pretty freaked out and had some verbal diarrhea and I am trying not to remember/ hold it against him.

sfshorter · October 2013

Even though I am still waiting on #2, with #1 I would say just go with the flow and trust your doctor and nurses. I'm not the type to just go with everything they say all the time, and I'm very much my own advocate, but by the time you are in labor for real, you are pretty much in their hands. No need to put all your happiness, hopes and dreams concerning birth into a birth plan and then go into hysterics when that doesn't work out just the way you want. Babies make their way here one way or the other and MOST likely you and baby are going to be just fine. Worrying about every detail isn't good for you or baby. That's what I've got.

Mae208 · October 2013

My only advice is to relax, and take each moment as it comes. Chances are good that when it's all said and done you will look back and think 'wow I didn't need to be so nervous!'

Gatorsgirl731 · October 2013

Talk with your SO and family about pictures. There were a few taken and shared where my breasts on display. Thanksgiving could be awkward.

RedZee · October 2013

Do you hope to go med free?

I think 1 thing is to try to relax as much as possible beforehand. Accept that it's a scary thing to go through and it's hard not to know when it'll happen and try to just go with the flow and be flexible (it helps a lot to be that way as a parent too).

Try to ignore contractions for as long as possible. Don't start timing contractions that you can talk and walk through. It'll just make you crazy and make you worry about when it's really time to go. You really won't be able to distract yourself at all from real progressive contractions.

If you plan to go med free, when you get to a point where you think you can't possibly make it through the pain of the contraction, remind yourself that you are actually making it through, allow your body to let the baby move down, and remember that it probably means you are in transition and are almost there.

Allow yourself to rely on the nurses, your husband, whoever your support team is and don't feel guilty about everything being focused on you. I know that sounds really stupid, but I kept worrying about my husband being uncomfortable during my first labor and it was really idiotic for me to do that (he didn't contribute to that, it was totally my own issue).

hartsl01 · October 2013

I definitely agree with PP's...

Keep an open mind and focus on the end prize, not the process.
Try to stay calm (definitely easier said than done)
Know that as painful and scary L&D may be, it's totally worth it and you'll forget about it as soon as that LO is in your arms!

Violet1372 · October 2013

I actually would not eat before you go to the hospital I thought that was a good idea and then I threw all of it up during delivery and it was terrible

pmarie33 · October 2013

If you are going to a regular hospital, know that they need to squeeze in a million things in the short time you are there. (Blood tests, hearing test, LCs, pediatrician visits, OB visits, possible blood sugar test, Circs -if applicable, etc.... Be prepared to fill out a lot of paperwork.

Flutterby00 · October 2013

When they say push, push like you are taking the biggest poo of your life. It feels exactly the same and I waisted a few pushes trying to focus on the vaginal canal instead of just letting my mind go and bearing down. Once I figured this out he was out in 3 contractions.

Sdeux · October 2013

I was very nervous as well and have a bit of a needlephobia. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Take it one thing at a time. Epidurals are amazing. Take deep breaths. It goes by quicker than you think. It really is amazing what our bodies can do.
In the end I would totally do it all over again...and that says a lot from a sissy like me.

kdjudd · October 2013

I would remind myself that Natural Birth is totally possible and amazing! The high you get from the hormones at the end is the most amazing feeling in the world. Hang in there and stay calm. It'll all be over way too quickly. Also, get in that tub and get the jets on as quickly as possible. It'll be the only thing that relieves the pain.

Mama2be12345 · October 2013

Try not to stress about when you are going to go into labor, what might happen, what happens if you go overdue etc. I worried and overthought everything the last few weeks, and my labor was hard and long but totally doable and exactly as it should have been, with the end result being my beautiful daughter! I regret not enjoying those last few weeks/days more before she arrived! Try to breathe, have a basic plan and then accept that everything will be okay and you will meet your LO soon! Good luck!

anskip · October 2013

Get the epidural!!! It didn't hurt at all!!

Be prepared for everything you thought would happen to go out the window. Keep in mind that all that matters is that you and baby are ok. (I planned on a natural delivery but ended up with an emergancy c section).

Remember that your DH has no idea what's happening to you or what to do for you. Tell him if there are things he can do (ice chips) (getting the nurse) and don't be angry when he tries to get a nap in.

And lastly, stand your ground when you think you should. I was determined to bf my Kaylee and they tried to get me to supplement with formula. I put my foot down and she was up over 10 ounces in a week. Do what you feel is best! You're the mama!!

Good luck!!!! And enjoy every moment with your LO. It goes sooooo fast!!

HFrizzle · October 2013

Expect the unexpected and roll with the punches. You never know what's going to happen or what could come up, but prepare yourself for anything.

ohkay · October 2013

GET AN EPI!!! I labored over 23 hours without one and remained at 4 cm the entire time. Got the epi and she was born within an hour.

AmandagStark · October 2013

Stay hydrated! I had a completely natural non medicated birth and didn't even have an IV for fluids. My husband kept giving me drinks of water, but after birth I was really dehydrated! The entire experience was so amazing though

Keep calm and know that you can do it!!

trackgirlparis · October 2013

AmandagStark said:
Stay hydrated! I had a completely natural non medicated birth and didn't even have an IV for fluids. My husband kept giving me drinks of water, but after birth I was really dehydrated! The entire experience was so amazing though Keep calm and know that you can do it!!

This exactly! Stay focused on the end result and encourage yourself the whole way! Even if you do get some meds, know that the end result is still the same. Just try to keep an open mind from the start

nbcarlson · October 2013

I'll just reiterate to keep an open mind. I was adimant about wanting a natural
Birth but ended up having to get an "emergency" (unplanned) C-section. Had I not I probably would have ended up with a NICU baby because he was so worn out. The ultimate goal is healthy mom and baby, nothing else matters!

Lilpoppy · October 2013

My advice is about the days after giving birth - take it easy! My OB didn't warn me and I overdid it with walking and now my stitches didn't heal properly so they are taking a lot longer to feel better. Even if you feel good in first few days don't push it!

Arod1087 · October 2013

If you get an Epi ask about the button you can push to keep the Epi going. They didn't tell me about it and mine wore off and I felt the entire delivery...ouch!!

chuicafina · October 2013

If you get a nurse you don't mesh well with and who will just end up stressing you out, ask for another one. I wish I had been a better advocate for myself.

KevsLove · October 2013

Avoid Fentanyl like the F-ing plague... Seriously, unless you already know how you react to it...

manders726 · October 2013

chuicafina said:

If you get a nurse you don't mesh well with and who will just end up stressing you out, ask for another one. I wish I had been a better advocate for myself.

This. My issue wasn't with nurses before/during delivery since I had a scheduled C-section with DS and all went smoothly there. My issues with them came when we were moved to recovery.

The 2nd day, DS started throwing up- he wasn't just spitting up the mucus that couldn't get squeezed out of him with a vaginal birth, he was straight up vomiting yellow stomach acid. The nurse had the balls to insist that it was just colostrum and he was fine. I kept telling her that something was wrong because clearly my pumped colostrum was not the shade of bright neon yellow he was bringing up. The lactation consultant told her it was the wrong color too and saved a burp cloth for me to show the pediatrician. It wasn't until my OB came around to do the circumcision and he projectile vomited off the table and she called the pediatrician that they actually took me seriously. DS was moved to the NICU that night and is still there trying to rectify a slow GI tract and elevated bilirubin levels. The nurse came into my room the next morning and apologized, but the damage was already done as far as I was concerned.

So bottom line- if you think something is wrong, make sure it's addressed before you leave the hospital. Your mommy instinct will kick in faster than you think.

sleepy33 · October 2013

KevsLove said:

Avoid Fentanyl like the F-ing plague... Seriously, unless you already know how you react to it...

Ugh, I was CRAZY itchy after I got the epi and they told me it was the fentanyl in the epi meds that was doing it. I seriously scratched myself raw.

kimbo1216 · October 2013

Know what you want and why, and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. But also don't be so stuck on what you want that you don't listen to your healthcare providers at all. If you communicate, then y'all should be able to make decisions together as needed.

cdbayes · October 2013

Go with the flow and be flexible. I had planned on an epi, but missed the window and had no choice but to go au natural. If you plan to go med free, I found that contractions were worse than pushing.

huntjul · October 2013

Don't wait too long to go to the hospital, even though everyone says a FTM labor goes slow, doesn't mean it always does. I showed up in triage at 7cm and delivered within 2 hours of arrival. Not bad, except I would have had a better experience if I'd arrived 20 minutes earlier and gotten the epi 20 minutes earlier!

hlb622 · October 2013

Be honest about your pain level when asked. And when the nurses ask, "Is there anything you need?" Don't lie. They're there to help you, even if they have brought you 34 glasses of ice water already. Ask for the 35th and don't hesitate.

Along those lines, accept the help from family and friends when it's offered. Everyone is excited to welcome your LO to the world and they're genuinely looking for a way to lend a hand. LET THEM. Doing this has totally overhauled my relationship with my stepmom, for the better.

Oh, and take about 50% of the crap in your go-bag and leave it at home.

Good luck!

knottied2a666e3e38a2a87 · October 2013

I would bring an air mattress for DH. And not be so scared of delivery because the epi made it easy peasey. Also I would have manned up for the blood patch because my spinal headaches have lasted forever.

taylormarie923 · October 2013

Make sure your SO knows how to use your camera! All the pictures of our son immediately after birth are blury because he doesn't know how to use the camera on my phone!

lorelaie10 · October 2013

Enjoy your time in the hospital. Everything you need is just a call button away and I found the closeness of medical staff reassuring. It was like being cacooned in a safe little world with just the three of us. Then you come home and gotta figure shit out on your own.

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