Party fail, my DD hates people

LaxMOM44 · October 2013

So it was my nephews birthday yesterday and there were a ton of people at the party. LO spent the entire time crying as people passed her around and assured me it was good for her to be held by other people. Unfortunately she was hysterical until I held her again. I don't want her to only want to be held by me but at the same time I don't think it's fair to let her cry uncontrollably just to teach her to be held by other people. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do?

AllieAGame · October 2013

Wait it out! I think the "Stranger Aversion" is a phase we are all heading into, right?

When new people hold Lex, I first have them smile and make faces at her while I'm holding her, then pass her off once she smiles back. If she seems fussy, I'll stand over that person's shoulder for just a minute or so and smile and make encouraging sounds until she's totally ok.

emmy236 · October 2013

It was probably overwhelming to be in a crowded and loud party for her then to be passed around to a lot of strange people in a strange place, especially if that isn't something she's used to. We have a big family and a lot of friends so R is used to a lot of noise and people but I can see how a baby who used to a more quiet environment can find it a bit scary. Maybe start at your house where she is comfortable and have a few people over to interact with her. Get her used to new faces slowly instead of just a shove into the deep end.

smg2302 · October 2013

Bottle your scent and spritz anyone who wants to hold her.

I second the stranger aversion thought. I think it's ok to hold her most of the time, or sit next to whoever is holding her.

mrsannie · October 2013

2010Bride2be said:

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. DS is normally really good about going to people, however he doesn't like a lot of noise. If someone raises their voice or laughs loudly, it will scare him and he will start to cry. If this happens, I normally will be right there and assure him that everything is ok and try to calm him down. Sometimes it does work, and as long as I am in his view, he's ok. However, if it's not working, I will take him and comfort him. I don't think it's right to leave your child hysterical with someone. That doesn't get them used to going to people. In addition, I don't want my child to be comfortable with just going to anyone. F that. There are some weirdos out there and I want him to be able to weed them out from an early age.

I agree with all of this. My first son started this at 3 months old and it wasn't until he was about 20 months when he finally started letting close family hold/hug him. That's just his personality and forcing it on him only makes it worse. To this day I have family members who insist that picking up DS1 when he doesn't want to be held is good for him. Well I know my child, and by them doing that they just made him less willing to go to them in the future. Kids do everything on their own time.

c-elizabethf · October 2013

DD recently started this with some family members.

SpanFran · October 2013

DS hates when a bunch of people get in his face at once, which of course tends to happen at every family get together/party/etc. So my new rule is one at a time. He does alright with one person holding him, without everyone else overwhelming him.

Boo0512 · October 2013

My dd is the same way. Her "stranger danger" phase started way early at 4 months. She is just a few days past 5 months now and it seems to be getting a little better but it's still there. I'm hoping that by 6 months she is more chill.

ETA: I brought dd to a party about a month ago, it was not good. I think not only people wanting to hold her but all the extra/unfamiliar noise just really overwhelmed her. I SAH so she is used to a fairly quiet environment.

KLJ3 · October 2013

It seems like a phase that just needs to be waited out, and like others have said, I'm pretty sure forcing interaction isn't going to make it any better.

C is so selective about "stranger danger" that I can't even say he's entered the phase. He would willingly leap into the arms of whoever smiles at him (if he could leap, I guess), with the exception of one or two strangers that he has encountered. When my dog used to do that, I would be really sketched out because they say dogs know when somebody is bad news...but I don't think my baby does!

The last person that freaked him out was an elderly woman - he literally screamed the moment he saw her. When I turned him away so that he couldn't see her, he stopped...but damn near wiggled out of my arms trying to look around me. As soon as he caught sight of her again, he started crying.

My husband later said that C must have thought she had a scary face...poor woman!

Lolalipsy · October 2013

Same thing happened to is on Saturday. My brother had a Halloween party. E was so upset we left. It was too noisy and there were too many people there. Everyone was in her face saying what's the matter blah blah blah and all I wanted to do was smack them all. On top of that a couple of comments upset me; "oh she doesn't smile very much". Well why would she smile, she's tired and you're in her face.

It'll be a while before I do that again in a hurry.

She will get used to it but it has to be gradual otherwise it's sensory overload.

Lolalipsy · October 2013

Shantxtell said:
It's normal. I get mad if a bunch of strangers are in my space, too.

Exactly!

watuzzigal · October 2013

I agree. It had to be sensory overload if it's a new situation--or even if she's not into being passed around. She might grow out of it, or she might not. I don't think you should have to watch your baby cry because someone else said it was good for her to be passed around (even if they were trying to help).

drhibbard · October 2013

You should probably just spank her.

LaxMOM44 · October 2013

drhibbard said:
You should probably just spank her.

No you only spank when the baby is crying for no reason!!

I didn't even think about the fact that she is used to a quiet environment and that that many people might be what was upsetting her. Mom fail.

JoJo716 · October 2013

This happened to us yesterday! My sil visited and every time she held him, he had a melt down. I felt bad because she is moving out of state and that is the last time she will see him for a while. I am with others and hoping it is a phase. He had never done that before.

fancefpp · October 2013

Just a phase! DS1 was like this and now he is the life of the party. Don't worry!

kbelly777 · October 2013

^

I

Thanks for sharing

We let C stay with her my MIL and my GreatMIL yesterday so DH and I could go on a "date" (lunch and a trip to Cost Co -sans baby). She had a total melt down! My MIL tried everything to calm her down (C has loved staying her in the past). My MIL finally called and had me come get her and when I got there C was almost hyperventilating and my MIL was in tears. So sad. No more "dates" for us for awhile. Hoping this phase is over quickly, @mrsannie 20 months seems like forever.

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