Wwyd if anything

Nineoceans · October 2013

So I think some of you may remember me posting our concerns about the parents having more homework than the kids at my step son's school.

If not a quick overview is that every single assignment given for homework requires an answer key and at home grading. Parents have to write a journal letter to their kids every day. There's about 1-3 hours of homework which parents need to be involved in each night.

Well recently my SS came home with a note in his folder that the teacher was emailing all study guides for a test to the parents and it was the parent responsibility to print the guides and study with the kids.

My Dh wrote her a note (I would not have I just would have let it go) that he works full time and children need to receive their own assignments and need to be responsible for studying independently blah blah blah. It was just particularly annoying because our printer is broken so we could either print it at work which is frowned upon or go to the library which we did not really have time for that week. He also wrote something about our taxes paying for printing fees- I am SURE he came off as a jerk but this is an absolutely ongoing thing. I told him I wouldn't send the note but it's his kid his decision so he did

Anyways he wrote the note and placed it in a sealed envelope addressed to the teacher and Bm took the note, opened it and either threw it away or kept it. This is what SS says.

Dh asked her why she did and she's ignoring him now. So what would you do I'm just curious.

xmaryrickx · October 2013

Honestly, to me it sounds like she did the right thing. You admit that the note was jerky, which will accomplish nothing. If there is an issue with the structure of homework assignments this teacher is providing, make an appointment to speak with her. If you are unable to print from home, kindly let her know that and ask that print pits be provided to SS.
That does sound like a ridiculous amount of work, but it is likely coming from a good place. Parental involvement is key to the success children have in school, just sounds like she is taking it a bit too far.

xmaryrickx · October 2013

Also, going forward don't try to send notes through SS, email the teacher directly.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

Who is doing the printing and homework, DH or BM? If it is DH then I would ask him to write a more professional letter and you can proofread it and he can email it to the teacher. Is this a school-wife issue or one lazy teacher? And how old is SS? My son is only in first grade so I don't know how I would feel going forward but I think at his age the teacher should give him the printouts but a parent needs to study with him. But a parent should not be grading and printing for the teacher. Unless she is the best teacher ever and so busy doing awesome stuff that she is asking for help so she can do other amazing stuff then this is insane.

Lavender P · October 2013

I think your DH needs to schedule a meeting with the teacher and/or principal and discuss the issue. I would ignore the fact that BM took the letter. You can't control her and saying anything is probably pointless.

I am 100% aware of the importance of school and will do everything to support my kids to be successful. However it will be a cold day in hell before a teacher is tasking me to do things that my kids grade depends on. It is fine to expect a parent to write a journal for a few days, but everyday is ridiculous. DH and I both work and would make sure that we did very thing the teacher is requiring, but would also push to have it changed.

Also, the teacher is putting kids whose parents don't take the assignments seriously at a huge disadvantage. My SS's BM couldn't even sign his reading log weekly let alone respond to something every night. He would've been punished with bad grades because of something out of his control, which isn't teaching them anything.

Making suggestions that parents study with kids etc is great, but it is the school's responsibility to provide materials (print outs) and grade the work. If you wanted to homeschool your kid you would. You chose not to and are still stuck doing all the work.

Pamelacake · October 2013

That is a lot! I agree with the others about emailing the teacher or setting up a meeting with her. That is really a crazy amount of time to spend with one child each night on homework, what in the world does she do in the class?!

I have to do some things with K's and SK's but not that much. There is no way I would be able to get it all done! I enjoy working on things with them nightly but what you have to do is too much. I also agree with PP who said that puts the kids that have uninvolved parents at a huge disadvantage.

Wahoo · October 2013

How old is SS? As kids get older they are encouraged to become more and more independent, but when they are in grade school parents are expected to participate in homework by helping them study, signing assignment books and reading logs, etc. My DD is in middle school and I still help her study.

DH and I both work.

I find it odd that you are against printing out a study guide that would help your child/SS do well in his tests. I would not assume that taxes would pay for a study guide that provides additional help preparing for an exam.

You should be glad that BM ripped up the letter, instead of, for example, keeping it as documentation that you are not interested in SS's academic success. Sounding like a jerk is not helpful to solving the problem, especiallly when you have a list of excuses of why you can't be bothered to make a printout!

Your DH should sit down with the teacher and talk about his (dh's) limitations in time/energy and your expectations for SS to be able to study independently. If SS is doing well in school, this shouldn't be a problem. If he is struggling, then DH needs to step up.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

Wahoo, you really think that the teacher should not print out study guides? What if a kid does not have a printer, they should not get the study guide? And you think it is ok for the teacher to require the parents to GRADE every single assignment? How is the teacher supposed to understand if the kids are getting it if they don't even grade their own assignments? I have never heard of such a thing. And I am very involved with my sons school work.

Ilumine · October 2013

Wahoo said:

How old is SS? As kids get older they are encouraged to become more and more independent, but when they are in grade school parents are expected to participate in homework by helping them study, signing assignment books and reading logs, etc. My DD is in middle school and I still help her study.

DH and I both work.

I find it odd that you are against printing out a study guide that would help your child/SS do well in his tests. I would not assume that taxes would pay for a study guide that provides additional help preparing for an exam.

You should be glad that BM ripped up the letter, instead of, for example, keeping it as documentation that you are not interested in SS's academic success. Sounding like a jerk is not helpful to solving the problem, especiallly when you have a list of excuses of why you can't be bothered to make a printout!

Your DH should sit down with the teacher and talk about his (dh's) limitations in time/energy and your expectations for SS to be able to study independently. If SS is doing well in school, this shouldn't be a problem. If he is struggling, then DH needs to step up.

So let me get this straight. My local tax dollars that go to the Board of Education (in most states and localities, the BoE has their own bonds to take money from our taxes) and my state and federal tax dollars (you know the ones that are based on our children meeting the Standards Set by the Common Core Curriculum that is supposedly the most advanced set of curricula this country has ever seen) are not enough to have the teachers do their jobs...you know grade the work they (and CCC) have deemed appropriate?

NO. If the teachers have so much to do, that they do not have the time to grade the work they send out, then there is something wrong with either their curriculum or their ability to teach/manage their time. (both my parents are teachers).

NOT TO MENTION, the whole point of the CCC is to equalize our standards to the lowest denominator for out country to therefore match the rest of the world. RIGHT? Well, not everyone in our country has the money or access to printers and in the rest of the world (or at least the European Countries and Asian Countries I have been to) their government provides the funds TO ensure that all education is done within the schools.

The Tiger Mama's create their own/extra work for their kids, not do the job of the schools.

Now, do I think that Nine's husband should have sent the note to the teacher through his son? HELL NO. Kids are kids and they can lose things between the kitchen and the door.

Not to mention the fact that it is un-professional to write a letter like that. You cannot demand that a teacher does his/her job as prescribed if you cannot treat them as a professional. You lose the moral high ground.

But one cannot grade a child on what his/her parents may or may not be able to provide at home. You are pretty much defeating the purpose of these crazy standards then.

Wahoo · October 2013

All of DD's math homework is done with at-home grading. The answers are in the back of the book. The student is expected to go over the answers and if their anwer is wrong, re-work it and get it right. They can ask questions if they still don't get it the next morning. The homework is collected the next morning. Turning in a bunch of answers for the teacher to grade doesn't help if they are all wrong. What happens the next night, after the teacher corrects the homework herself? Does the kid who got the answers wrong have to do the homework over, plus the additional work? Or they just move on?

I would presume a child who had no printer at home could ask the teacher for the study guide, but I would not think it was a big deal to print out materials that the teacher emails. I certainly would not write the teacher to say how the taxpayers should be funding the print job.

Ilumine · October 2013

Wahoo - I did not mean to be harsh with my response.

This is a very hot topic for me because my monkey is about to go into Kindy and I am crazy concerned with the state of our nation's education system right now.

My parents are educators, mom taught pre-k and kindy AND at the time of her retirement just 2 years ago, was her district's pre=k through 5th grade science coordinator. And my father taught middle school health and was his district's union rep. They have three education bachelors and three education masters between them.

To say that they are experts in early education and that they know the current research is an understatement. To say that they are huge proponents of parental participation and some sort of standards is an understatement.

To say that they agree with the CCC (especially the early education part) would be a lie and they would disown me.

A large part of what Nine's SS is feeling is a direct result of the CCC and the rock and hard place the teachers are having right now. Many teachers feel that they HAVE to follow the CCC companies worksheets in order for their children to be able to pass the tests. But they also know that they have to teach some extra in the classrooms because they worry that teaching to the test is not enough.

If this was just an annacdote from the three local middle schools around me, I would say its FL's fault. If it was just stories from the two districts in NY where my parent's teach, I would say it's NY fault. But as a Military Spouse with friends with children all around the country right now, there are too many stories to be stories.

Right now, we are looking at using DH's GI bill to pay for Monkey to go to the catholic school because they are the only ones that do not use CCC.

And this is NOT me responding due to the politics of it, this is me aghast at the fact that the team that created the early education standards for CCC did not have ONE early education specialist. NOT ONE. Nor are these standards following the results of the early childhood education studies that the DoE funded.

I am not saying that CCC in of itself is wrong or bad. But there are parts that are wrong and bad and that the teachers and administrations out there are very worried about the standards and not enough about the kids.

And the only way things are going to change, is if the parents use their professional voices to ask for change.

fellesferie · October 2013

I would not send that letter, and while I do not often attempt to censor MH--I absolutely would here.

DS therapist has a BIG issue with teachers essentially turning parents into teachers. He thinks parenting kids is hard enough that we shouldn't be their teachers, too. And I agree with him.

But I don't think that your SS's teacher is the place to bring this fight. I seriously doubt she created this situation. I grade DS's homework (who really needs a key, btw?) but I would not complete a journal for him. What's the point of that?? It sounds like you guys need to go to PTA meetings and/or request a meeting with the principal or assistant principal.

Our policy on homework is that DS must complete it himself. We check it over for him, and give him a set of corrections. If there is something he genuinely just does not understand, we write a note on it and send it back to his teacher. We help him, we support him, we will try to give him strategies and suggestions. But that's pretty much where we draw the line.

CFjo2010 · October 2013

Littlejen22 said:

Wahoo, you really think that the teacher should not print out study guides? What if a kid does not have a printer, they should not get the study guide? And you think it is ok for the teacher to require the parents to GRADE every single assignment? How is the teacher supposed to understand if the kids are getting it if they don't even grade their own assignments? I have never heard of such a thing. And I am very involved with my sons school work.

If the teacher can't be bothered to printout study guides for the students or grade the assignments, then what exactly is her job? I think it's ludicrous to put that kind of responsibility on a parent. Sign a reading log saying that your child read for XX minutes each night? Sure. Write a weekly journal entry to the kid? Not a problem. Help out with the occasional project? Done. But to give actual assignments to parents and have the parent grade their child's work is absurd. I already graduated and got my college degree. I'm done doing homework.

I would schedule an appointment with teacher and discuss your concerns. In this day and age, most households have 2 working parents. It's not feasible to expect dual income families to come home and take all of this on. Again, as parents we already went to school and no longer have to do homework. If the teacher is overwhelmed in her classroom and needs extra help, then the principal needs to be notified and the school should look into finding an assistant for him/her.

Nineoceans · October 2013

Sorry for the late response. Dh would be doing the printing we have SS half time. I didn't read the note but my husband is a grown man he can say whatever he wants to whomever he wants he does not need bm's censure. I'm sure it was an asshole note- my Dh is a really strict military guy so he comes off as gruff when he's not really.

He was annoyed because of this issue but also; she calls him D's dad to notes to him instead of Mr X, she messed up his parent teacher date, another little kid in my SS's class cut his backpack open with an exacto knife and she just said "oh well watch your things better" and of course the homework issue which has not been this taxing until this year.

What happened I'm sure is SS forgot to give the note as he usually does and then he went to bm's the next day and she's nosey and opened it and read it. The only reason we know she took it is bc SS told us so essentially she undermined Dh in front of him.

KendraL86 · October 2013

Nineoceans said:
Sorry for the late response. Dh would be doing the printing we have SS half time. I didn't read the note but my husband is a grown man he can say whatever he wants to whomever he wants he does not need bm's censure. I'm sure it was an asshole note- my Dh is a really strict military guy so he comes off as gruff when he's not really.

He was annoyed because of this issue but also; she calls him D's dad to notes to him instead of Mr X, she messed up his parent teacher date, another little kid in my SS's class cut his backpack open with an exacto knife and she just said "oh well watch your things better" and of course the homework issue which has not been this taxing until this year.

What happened I'm sure is SS forgot to give the note as he usually does and then he went to bm's the next day and she's nosey and opened it and read it. The only reason we know she took it is bc SS told us so essentially she undermined Dh in front of him.

Someone cut his backpack open at school with a utility knife? And she didn't do anything? OMG. That would never fly in my district. In my district the kid would be expelled for bringing a weapon to school! My stepkids can't even wear studded clothes/accessories because they are considered weapons. WTF was a teacher doing turning a blind eye to the fact that a student has a sharp, dangerous instrument at school?

CurlieWhirlie · October 2013

I agree with what a lot of the PPs have said regarding being an involved parent versus actually having work assigned to the parents for every single night. That's crazy.

And of course your H is a grown man and can say whatever he wants, but he needs to understand that he probably isn't going to achieve the desired results if he doesn't treat people with respect. And quite honestly, he is annoyed that the elementary school teacher (I'm assuming elementary?) calls him "Kid's Dad" instead of "Mr. Lastname"? Come on. Bigger fish to fry, etc. etc. He has a very valid concern, absolutely! And it's going to get lost and ignored in the midst of all the other noise he's creating.

Good luck, I still have a year before kindergarten and I have no idea if DS is going to be like me, and love school, or like his dad, and do the bare minimum to get through. Homework is merely a spectre of the future for us, for now.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

Nine, you get so defensive. I am sure BM is a bitch in other situations but if your SH wrote an asshole note then I don't think she was wrong for not making sure it got handed in. Yes you can argue she should not have opened it though. But his asshole note affects SS and she might have been worried it would affect him negatively. And if he is an adult and does not need anyone double checking what he does then maybe he should do so respectfully so no one here would have suggested it. I don't think he was wrong with his letter but he was wrong with his delivery.

I would address the issues with the Principal if the kids are using knives in class without the teacher carrying. It sounds like you have a sucky teacher.

twister22 · October 2013

A few things:
-If DH wants to actually accomplish something with SS's teacher, then he needs to request a meeting with her, and be mature. It may not even be her fault that there's "homework" for the parents and that parents are required to print study guides at home. If it's not her fault, go to the next level. If it is her fault, try to reason with her. If she refuses to reason, go to the next level.

-Grading your child's homework may or may not be a big deal, depending on the situation. I used to nanny and one of the boys was of grade school age. Each day he would sit down and do his math homework. I would check it over, and circle any wrong answers. He would have to correct them. Any that were still wrong after that I would go over with him. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. A PP mentioned that each day's HW can build on the previous days, hence why understanding it when it is assigned is important. Now, if it's something that doesn't build, then the teacher should be grading, not the parents.

-If your DH DOESN'T want to ACTUALLY accomplish something with the teacher, and he just wants to vent, then he needs to do it elsewhere.

-Study guides really should be printed at school, especially if it's something the teacher wants all the students to utilize. However, if it's one of those "if you're struggling, here's an extra study guide you can print off," then I think it's NBD to have the parents print it, and if that can't be done the student can let the teacher know they don't have a printer, and I'm sure the teacher would be willing to print a copy.

xmaryrickx · October 2013

Don't make SS a mule for nasty notes to the teacher and this would not be an issue. Since BM has him half the time, she too has to have a relationship with the teacher and an asshole note would reflect poorly on her as well, even if they are not married. The teacher doesn't know your husband and doesn't know that his personality is just to be a gruff asshole (how lovely), so she would likely just read it as he was being an ass. It's inappropriate to address anyone in that manner, much less the person who is teaching and caring for your child 6 hours a day.

This thread is making my head explode.

fellesferie · October 2013

I am a grown woman with an English degree and 10 years of professional experience writing and editing. And I often ask MH to look over my emails/notes. Especially if I am irritated about something!

FWIW, I would completely flip my shit about the knife issue. If that happened in my child's district, I would be very surprised if the kid was not expelled. That's crazy. If the teacher did not handle it, I would be in the principal's office. And if the principal did not handle it, I'd be in front of the school board. That's just crazy.

The name issue is IMO nothing to be upset over. I am called Mrs DS's LastName at school. I don't mind, but it is not my correct name. I'd rather "Jack's Mom." I don't think it shows a lack of respect. But if YH wishes to be addressed a certain way, he should make that clear in a non-aggressive way.

Nineoceans · October 2013

I definitely take the feedback thanks. As far as the stuff about going to the principal I think we are just over the school and come into every situation defensively. When Bm lost custody for drugs we sent over the emergency custody order and she was allowed to excuse my SS from school and take him into the hall and cry and tell him that we were ruining her life and she couldn't live without him on a daily basis for a week. The principal did not even return our call about our concerns with that. When my Dh tried to take my SS out for lunch the police were called- he had full custody.

Honey with bees versus vinegar and all that but Bm's mom is the president of the PTA (how is this possible? She's not a parent) so she calls a lot of the shots. If we were independently wealthy and didn't work every day then yes we would be in the classroom dispelling whatever myths her mom tells others- but ain't nobody got time for that.

Ilumine · October 2013

Nineoceans said:

I definitely take the feedback thanks. As far as the stuff about going to the principal I think we are just over the school and come into every situation defensively. When Bm lost custody for drugs we sent over the emergency custody order and she was allowed to excuse my SS from school and take him into the hall and cry and tell him that we were ruining her life and she couldn't live without him on a daily basis for a week. The principal did not even return our call about our concerns with that. When my Dh tried to take my SS out for lunch the police were called- he had full custody. Honey with bees versus vinegar and all that but Bm's mom is the president of the PTA (how is this possible? She's not a parent) so she calls a lot of the shots. If we were independently wealthy and didn't work every day then yes we would be in the classroom dispelling whatever myths her mom tells others- but ain't nobody got time for that.

Sorry, but being an ass doesn't clarify your situation either.

You have problems with a teacher, you go into the school, sit down with the teacher and work it out.

You do not come out satisfied with the conference, you go to the Principal. If you have problems with the Principal, you go to the Superintendent.

If your still not heard, you go to the school board.

You cannot complain about how people are treating you if you choose to neither work with them or be rude back.

When the BM - who no longer had custody took your son out school, what did you do? How far up the chain did you go? Because something like that is a lawsuit waiting to happen and there isnt a School Board that would not rain down on the SuperI and Principal with all its might to keep that from happening.

CFjo2010 · October 2013

Nineoceans said:

I definitely take the feedback thanks. As far as the stuff about going to the principal I think we are just over the school and come into every situation defensively. When Bm lost custody for drugs we sent over the emergency custody order and she was allowed to excuse my SS from school and take him into the hall and cry and tell him that we were ruining her life and she couldn't live without him on a daily basis for a week. The principal did not even return our call about our concerns with that. When my Dh tried to take my SS out for lunch the police were called- he had full custody. Honey with bees versus vinegar and all that but Bm's mom is the president of the PTA (how is this possible? She's not a parent) so she calls a lot of the shots. If we were independently wealthy and didn't work every day then yes we would be in the classroom dispelling whatever myths her mom tells others- but ain't nobody got time for that.

You don't have to be a parent to be involved with the PTA, and you don't have to be a parent to be the PTA President. It's a thankless job that nobody wants, so if some sucker steps up and is willing to run the show then people will gladly let them. And I should know, I'm that sucker...

PTA doesn't call the shots. We have no say in how the school is run, the teachers that are staffed or the policies enforced by the school. If that were the case, I have a list a mile long of people I would like banned from campus, policies I would like implemented, and teachers I would like to see fired. Do super involved parents have a very loud voice at school? Yes, most definitely. But non-involved parents have a voice also. As Ilumine said, you just have to follow the proper channels. If the school is violating the CO, then you go to the Superintendent. After that you go to the School Board. But blaming the PTA President doesn't work.

twister22 · October 2013

Ilumine said:

Nineoceans said:

I definitely take the feedback thanks. As far as the stuff about going to the principal I think we are just over the school and come into every situation defensively. When Bm lost custody for drugs we sent over the emergency custody order and she was allowed to excuse my SS from school and take him into the hall and cry and tell him that we were ruining her life and she couldn't live without him on a daily basis for a week. The principal did not even return our call about our concerns with that. When my Dh tried to take my SS out for lunch the police were called- he had full custody. Honey with bees versus vinegar and all that but Bm's mom is the president of the PTA (how is this possible? She's not a parent) so she calls a lot of the shots. If we were independently wealthy and didn't work every day then yes we would be in the classroom dispelling whatever myths her mom tells others- but ain't nobody got time for that.

Sorry, but being an ass doesn't clarify your situation either.

You have problems with a teacher, you go into the school, sit down with the teacher and work it out.

You do not come out satisfied with the conference, you go to the Principal. If you have problems with the Principal, you go to the Superintendent.

If your still not heard, you go to the school board.

You cannot complain about how people are treating you if you choose to neither work with them or be rude back.

When the BM - who no longer had custody took your son out school, what did you do? How far up the chain did you go? Because something like that is a lawsuit waiting to happen and there isnt a School Board that would not rain down on the SuperI and Principal with all its might to keep that from happening.

All of this, especially the bold.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

tifanico said:

Littlejen22 said:

Yes you can argue she should not have opened it though.

If it is a letter sent to my child's teacher, I would not consider it being a private manner and I would have no issue with opening it.

Is this an issue that you have discussed with BM? Because this is one of the things that I would think both of you would have to be on the same page. When I request something from DD's teacher I make sure I discus it with BF first. Like our shared hate for cursive handwriting that her school is teaching them. We both talked about it and then I approached the teacher. I am not aware of your back story though.

I agree. I would have also. I just know she would argue that it should not have been opened in the first place.

Nineoceans · October 2013

We went to principal, no call back and superintendent, no call back. Then our attorney tried to call, no call back. We eventually went back to court and settled for shared when she finally could pass a drug test. Worst decision of our lives but the judge really backed us into a corner about settling and Bm would agree to literally NOTHING.

Essentially bm's family has been giving money to this town for years. The principal recently posted pictures of an elementary school party for a retiring teacher and as he posed with Bm's mom he had the caption "xxxxxx city elite" like some BS. Bm was in the picture too. Your daughter is a drug addict on food stamps. Glad you bought her a condo so she can pretend to have her ish together long enough for a picture.

In any case I agree my Dh has not done much to improve his appearance to others, but Bm is the type of person who would get the cell phone number of our child advocate (the person deciding custody) and call her on a nightly basis about the mean things Dh does like.... Are we in kindergarten, you are tattling? Nothing she does better than play the victim and put on a good show and eventually you say to yourself- if you are dumb enough to believe the show then who cares what you think of us.

If you look at bm's criminal record she was just arrested, if you look at her property taxes- she doesn't pay them because the house doesn't belong to her, if you look at the things that are documented on paper she is a very sad, sick individual, but yes puts on an excellent show. I even fell for it for awhile.

Ilumine · October 2013

Nineoceans said:

We went to principal, no call back and superintendent, no call back. Then our attorney tried to call, no call back. We eventually went back to court and settled for shared when she finally could pass a drug test. Worst decision of our lives but the judge really backed us into a corner about settling and Bm would agree to literally NOTHING. Essentially bm's family has been giving money to this town for years. The principal recently posted pictures of an elementary school party for a retiring teacher and as he posed with Bm's mom he had the caption "xxxxxx city elite" like some BS. Bm was in the picture too. Your daughter is a drug addict on food stamps. Glad you bought her a condo so she can pretend to have her ish together long enough for a picture. In any case I agree my Dh has not done much to improve his appearance to others, but Bm is the type of person who would get the cell phone number of our child advocate (the person deciding custody) and call her on a nightly basis about the mean things Dh does like.... Are we in kindergarten, you are tattling? Nothing she does better than play the victim and put on a good show and eventually you say to yourself- if you are dumb enough to believe the show then who cares what you think of us. If you look at bm's criminal record she was just arrested, if you look at her property taxes- she doesn't pay them because the house doesn't belong to her, if you look at the things that are documented on paper she is a very sad, sick individual, but yes puts on an excellent show. I even fell for it for awhile.

OK, so you all made three phone calls and then let it go. And yet you get pissed that they don't treat you with respect.

I am not trying to downplay the fact that the "old money institution" is at play here. Because it is. But YOU are missing my two points.

1) YOU let it drop instead of standing up to it. YOU ended up looking like you did not care or that you were weak and therefore the Principal and Judge let it go. People will treat you how you allow them too. Including your very weak lawyer.

2) If you have a poor relationship with people who treat you with a lack of respect, acting like an ass not only does not HELP your cause, but can and will be used against you in the future. As some other poster stated, it is better that she ripped it up, because if she had KEPT that letter it would most definitely could be used against you by the judge who already looks at you as weak.

I know that it seems like we are picking on you. But I was in a very similar situation with SS. He was a twerp (well jackass) in middle school. He got bullied. He responded and made the bullying worse. His english teacher told DH and I that we needed to get SS to keep his mouth shut and head down to keep himself safe.

The very next day, we had a meeting with the teacher and the principal where we were very clear that it was not on our son to keep the bullies from bullying him (yes we were going to work on his behavior, but if you have a kid with issues, you dont just throw them to the wolves) but the school had to keep him safe, given the ZERO TOLERANCE they all seem to spout.

We were also clear that we would be going to the SuperI and School Board if SS was touched. ANd since this teacher seemed to know exactly who SS was supposed to avoid, it was not on HER to keep the eye out.

And had the teacher and principal and SuperI not responded, you betcha we would have had our lawyer looking into a lawsuit. And they KNEW it.

Nineoceans · October 2013

I agree. I think we have been fighting the same battles and it's easy for me to say who cares not my kid and abandon Dh (ie let him handle it however he wants) and it's easy for Dh to go hyper aggressive. We are just beaten down. Facts, logic and documentation are on our side but nothing else.

My part in this is to stick by dh's side and handle this with him instead of just leaving him to deal with it

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