Telling Others

AndreaT22611 · October 2013

We've been struggling with infertility for a long 3 years. I keep a blog and our families and many friends know of our struggles. I am not afraid of talking about our journey. We just found out we are pregnant and couldn't be more excited to share the news. We've told our family and many of our close friends already. I know most people wait until 12 weeks to share but for me that's too long. I'd rather have the comfort of others should we have a miscarriage. I have a strong feeling this pregnancy will continue as we had genetic testing done on our embryos and they two that they put in were free of abnormalities. Am I wrong to feel this way? I'd rather think positive than worrisome. Everyone we have told so far have been super happy for us.

TJ1979 · October 2013

You can do whatever you want. I certainly understand the feeling of being so elated that you want to shout it from the rooftops. I would recommend being cautious about sharing with people who aren't close friends or family only because it's really hard to untell people if the worst does happen. And if you are grieving a loss, it's really hard when everyone and their mother asks how the baby is or how the pregnancy is going. It is like a stab to the guy every time. We didn't make it public knowledge until 20 weeks with our first, and are waiting for 12 weeks with this one. But to each their own. Congrats on the pregnancy!

Oh, and you are more than welcome to post here, but you will find more women in your shoes on pregnant after IF (PAIF), as most of us have already had our babies. Congrats again.

mnj05 · October 2013

I agree with what TJ said, definitely your decision! We were going to tell immediate family and best friends around 8 weeks, after we had a couple of u/s under our belt, then everyone else at 12 weeks. I ended up in the hospital with some really bad pain in my left hip and DH called his MIL to come sit with us and he spilled the beans to her. So we told family at 5 weeks when that happened but waited to tell everyone else until 12 like we planned.

I understand wanting support from those closest to you if something were to happen. I was torn with that because I felt more along the lines of how you're feeling but DH would've rather deal with it by ourselves. That said, I wouldn't have said anything on FB or announced at work to people I didn't work closely with until later. Like TJ mentioned, it's hard to untell people, especially a lot of people, so I'd be careful with that part unless you feel like y'all could handle that.

Definitely be positive! I believe in the power of positive thinking/attitude and if that's what you're feeling, go with it! Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope it's a smooth one!

Dragonfly1226 · October 2013

Congratulations on your BFP! Deciding when to share the news is such a personal thing. For us our experiences have greatly affected our decisions about when to share the news with each pregnancy.

When I got pregnant the first time everything seemed great. We had a super u/s at 8 weeks and saw the HB. We started sharing the news at 10 weeks. At 12 weeks we discovered a missed m/c. I was shocked. It was the last thing I expected. The baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks. Untelling everyone was horrible for us and the news had spread fast so a month later I still had people coming up to me and congratulating me on my pregnancy. It was just heart wrenching.

When I got pregnant again we didn't tell anyone except our parents. When I had another m/c we still had their support and each other, but we didn't have to explain what had happened over and over which was a relief.

When I was pregnant with DS we only told our parents at the beginning and then told everyone else at 13 weeks. With the twins I showed super early but was able to hide it until 11.5 weeks so that's when we started telling I was pregnant. Even then we didn't tell it was twins until 13 weeks - not even our parents knew.

Everyone has a different idea of when it is the right time to share the news, but only you know when it is the right time for you. Wishing you a very happy and healthy nine months!!!

itsmevkb · October 2013

It's a personal decision. We've told both early and later. Whatever decision you make is the right one for you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

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