Getting along with their SO?

happybride 276 · October 2013

Is anyone else not connecting with their SO? I love my husband with all my heart, but we just can't seem to get along for more than a few hours. I don't know if it is the lack of sleep, different parenting ideas, or just taking stress on the one closest to us, but he irritates the crap out of me most days. I know I irritate him too. I am sure out baby's constant screaming (reflux) increases the tension in the house. My h gets stressed because he can't make sense of his screaming. Please tell me I am not alone. I am just waiting for things to get better.

TKtravels · October 2013

You're definitely not alone.

We've been having some days like this, although thankfully, it's not every day.

Some days I take it personally and go cry about it in the bedroom.. or attempt to talk with H about it, and then we just get annoyed with one another.

I've been trying to take a step back, cut us both some slack, and realize that in the last 5 weeks, we've been through some major changes, we're both sleep deprived, and we're both annoyed and under pressure from family members who are overstepping their bounds.

It's got to get better eventually. Try to take one day (or one hour) at a time.

aml8979 · October 2013

Same here. I think it's the difference In parenting skills for us. I am laid back and he would put our LO in a bubble. He is absolutely fantastic with our child but doesn't help with the house stuff and it makes me exhausted. He will help if I ask but does not do it on his own.

happybride 276 · October 2013

I am glad I am not alone. I see all these "my husband's awesome" and although he has done some great stuff, I just mostly feel like he is a penis lately. I am looking forward to connecting with him again. I have tried talking to him and we both end up frustrated too. We have annoying family members too. I can't stand his parents trying to force themselves on us and he is tired of my dad being super needy. No wonder we have issues. lol

Violet1372 · October 2013

I'm very much getting annoyed with DH. I do think he does great with Soph, but he does great with her when shes happy. As soon as she starts crying he is done and frustrated within 10 mins then just puts her down and lets her cry which drives me nuts! Its also been really difficult since hes gone back to work. Hes been gone 40-48 hours being on shift then hell be home for 24. So when he gets home he is pretty burnt from work and really doesnt want to do much around the house or with sophie which I understand but its really frustrating for me when I just want a break. Its also annoying when he acts like im not doing anything but sitting at home on my ass eating bonbons.. I wish he could take her for 48 hours and then he'd be singing a different tune.

jdebaie · October 2013

This is definitely our house right now too.

Curls218 · October 2013

I do love my husband and think he's a wonderful father, but we end up arguing just about every other day about something stupid. It's just the stress of the baby. Hopefully it'll get back to normal soon.

ejb23 · October 2013

Same here. He was great the first 2 weeks but then being tired and busy caught up with him. I'm tired too but he acts like he is the most tired which can't be true since we EBF so he's not even up at night. He also has been über worried about making my step daughter not feel neglected that I feel like he neglects us.
I'm trying to deal with it until he gets back on a normal schedule with work next week and hopefully it will resolve itself.

313Meg · October 2013

I am mobile so I can't see how old your LO is but with all the stress you guys are under it's totally understandable. I know you are dealing with reflux too, and that added a ton more stress to us. (We were in hospitals w it too) I would say until maybe the last 2 weeks we were really irritable with each other. My LO is 7 wks. I think it helped to have my H act like he understands the sacrifice us moms make. And how hard it is. It took some time.

Hopefully it's the same for you ladies!!

sunshine2929 · October 2013

The last couple weeks have been rough for us too. I feel like all we do is fight these days. He's working crazy hours- 56 hours a week so he's exhausted, I'm exhausted, with me off work money's tight, my parents live with us and every little thing they do annoys him lately so it puts me in the middle. I'm sure being sex deprived is also a huge factor. I'm really hoping it all gets better soon.

llybeck · October 2013

We had this from 2-4 weeks PP, it was really hard. He is so awesome with our daughter but I think he started getting restless being at home with us and adjusting to not going out and being able to leave whenever. We had a few blow ups where he would make plans without thinking or letting me know and I would totally overreact and call him irresponsible and it would erupt from there. He was exhausted from working his very physical job and he wasn't offering much help to me when he got home.

I think I was going through some PPD and I got so frustrated with feeling like I wasn't getting help and support from him that I was on the verge of leaving which was completely ridiculous. We sat down and really talked through everything and laid out our expectations and needs from each other and realized we needed a better way to communicate without upsetting one another like that. The biggest thing for me was asking for help instead of just expecting him to do things around the house. He has no problem doing chores when I ask now and he understands that even though I'm not back to work, taking care of DD is just as tiring if not more so. We thank each other and try to compliment one another more as well.

Also, sex helps. Seriously. Once we did that at 4.5 weeks PP there was a noticeable difference in both of our moods. That physical closeness helped get us back to being emotionally close and just happier in general.

happybride 276 · October 2013

Thank you for sharing our hard times with your husbands as well. It is always nice to feel like you aren't alone when struggling. Communication has always been an up and down struggle with us and I do think that is part of our issue. We were actually able to communicate with each other tonight and I am hoping it can give us a night or two without bickering.

normandyn7 · October 2013

Same here. I actually broke down in front of my husband the other day. He hasn't really stepped up since LO was born and I told him I need more help around the house and with LO. I cut him some slack for the first couple weeks but now that LO is going to be 2 months it is time for him to become more involved. I think my hormones are playing a huge part because I've been feeling disconnected from everything and DH being the most feeling of disconnection. I am hoping that in a couple months it will be back to "normal."

happybride 276 · October 2013

I have heard that a lot of guys get more interested in their LO once they are around 4-6 months. I have been told by several guys that the infant stage (where they eat,sleep, and cry) isn't their thing. They need to have that interaction.. I am by no means saying this is acceptable,because I find it irritating as hell on the days I do so much more than H. I am just trying to shine some potential light at the end of the tunnel. My husband has no clue how to sooth our son when he is having a screaming attack due to his stomach and it completely stresses him out. I am just waiting and praying for the day for this reflux to be under control. I think having my baby comfortable again will make the world of a difference.

Skalbrecht · October 2013

Yep! I think it's frustration on both ends and sleep deprivation fueled. My hubs is great one day and then doesn't help at all the next. I think many if them will get better with the baby getting older. Men process this new stress differently I think, and instead of being involved I feel like it sounds like many of them take a back seat.

averettgirl · October 2013

My husband has been great with our daughter but has completely withdrawn all intimacy and affection from me. I don't remember the last time he kissed me or even touched me. This morning as he once again went to leave for work without kissing me goodbye I asked him "Do you not kiss me anymore?" and he said to me "You've got a lot of stuff over there." At the time I was BF our little girl and had a RNP next to my side of the bed so I don't know what "stuff" would keep him from leaning over to kiss me. It's the same stuff he's leaned over to kiss me before. We're not so much arguing but I feel like he's 1000 miles away and given all the adjustments we've had to make having a new baby, that's one adjustment I didn't think I'd have to make. I'm home all day with the baby taking care of her and trying to get things done around the house when she'll let me put her down and he comes home and treats me like his roommate. I get no affection outside of the precious neck cuddles my sweet girl gives me. I'd like to be touched by my husband. I'm only 3 weeks and a day PP so trying to use sex to reignite things is out of the question right now. It's just frustrating. I feel really alone some days and the only reason I feel this way is bc of him. I guess this would be called the husband blues as opposed to the baby blues?

magdalina.h · October 2013

It's hard on a marriage to have a baby. I've always had a short temper and it's worse during the hormonal crazies of having a baby so I snap quicker and meaner. Well MH likes to point that out which pisses me off even more. So yeah, we struggle, but it will get better.

happybride 276 · October 2013

averettgirl said:

My husband has been great with our daughter but has completely withdrawn all intimacy and affection from me. I don't remember the last time he kissed me or even touched me. This morning as he once again went to leave for work without kissing me goodbye I asked him "Do you not kiss me anymore?" and he said to me "You've got a lot of stuff over there." At the time I was BF our little girl and had a RNP next to my side of the bed so I don't know what "stuff" would keep him from leaning over to kiss me. It's the same stuff he's leaned over to kiss me before. We're not so much arguing but I feel like he's 1000 miles away and given all the adjustments we've had to make having a new baby, that's one adjustment I didn't think I'd have to make. I'm home all day with the baby taking care of her and trying to get things done around the house when she'll let me put her down and he comes home and treats me like his roommate. I get no affection outside of the precious neck cuddles my sweet girl gives me. I'd like to be touched by my husband. I'm only 3 weeks and a day PP so trying to use sex to reignite things is out of the question right now. It's just frustrating. I feel really alone some days and the only reason I feel this way is bc of him. I guess this would be called the husband blues as opposed to the baby blues?

I am so sorry. I know where you are coming from. My husband has never really been romantic or very affectionate, but it has gotten a lot worse. The bad part is that I am starting to pull away from him too. Not only do I feel disgusting in my own skin, but I also don't have the energy to make an effort right now. I just want him to show that he is interested in me.

ajbook · October 2013

MH and I have also had more than a few days where I don't feel like we are on the same page. Between him working and coaching 2 sports (they only overlap for a few weeks) and me being at home trying to learn about LO and get my life as a mom under control, we both feel like we need a break. I get frustrated with him wanting to "relax" when he gets home because that's what I want to do too! Luckily things have started to regulate themselves and we have even found some time to be intimate without sex (just yet). While LO napping in another room we have had some make-out/cuddle time which has helped us feel connected.

We just keep reminding each other that it won't be like this forever. We will be able to sleep, go on dates, and have sex again.....just not quite sure when

imakeeff0rts · October 2013

andjess11 said:

My husband is great with affection towards me and we can't wait to have sex again. However he is a terrible helper with our son. He gets frustrated easily and I can feel that he avoids him after work. H has also been snappy with me. I try to give him a break because I know he has a stressful job and babies aren't his thing. Plus, LO reflux doesn't make him an easy baby to soothe and the colic doesn't help. The weekends are better because my H gets to see DS during his happy times, not just the crabby nights. But still, it's frustrating. I wish I could make a brag post about my husband making dinner, cleaning the house, and putting our son down for bed.

This.
I feel like I'm getting more and more bitter as the days pass, and tonight he downright pissed me off.

During the work week, it's all me...24/7. My longest breaks are when I use the bathroom and if I have the time/energy for a shower that day. I'm exhausted. I can't pass him off to someone when I get frustrated. I have to feed him (I ran out of fenugreek and haven't gotten more and I haven't been pumping hardly at all, so my supply has tanked. I currently have one bottle in the fridge and zero frozen.

Tonight, we started talking about how we want to handle night feedings. I NEED a break. I NEED more than an hour and a half of sleep. I want him to use the one bottle we have because I truly need help. I asked him which feeding he wanted to do - DS usually wakes up aroud 2, 4:30-ish, and 6-30ish. At first, he said he'd do the first feeding. ...and then he fell asleep. It was 11. I fed DS an hour before, so I figured he'd be ok for another hour or two. I woke DH up to go to bed, and he told me that he was tired and he'd do an early morning feeding. I was pissed. I couldn't muster anything more to say, though, than "welcome to the club". That was it. I'm disappointed in myself. We went to bed and literally as soon as I laid down, DS started crying because he was hungry. And then I was even more pissed.

Oh, you're tired? You get to sleep for more than an hour stretch at night. When you get stressed out, you're able to hand him over to me. Your nipples aren't stupid sore because you're not responsible for feeding him.

I'm definitely putting my foot down tomorrow. I'm going to do my best to pump another bottle (hopefully two) so I can take a super long nap complete with earplugs.

crenteri · October 2013

We are in the same situation and I am sooo tired of it. Before our baby we would always get along. We hardly ever fought. We had a great marriage. Now I feel like its going downhill. Just as you said I love him a lot and he loves me so I know things will get better. Its just so frustrating. We never really get alone time just me and him. Hes always working and lesson planning for the next day (hes a teacher). I miss our relationship We are always fighting!!!!!!!!! Cant wait for thins to get back to semi-normal

happybride 276 · October 2013

@imakeeff0rts - Not sure if your husband will go for this, but a mutual male friend and I convinced my husband to split nightly feedings. It would make sense that whoever puts him to sleep doesn't get the first wake up scream, but that didn't happen last night. When I woke H up to ask him if what feeding he wanted (Why do I even ask) he said "I'll get the next one". Oh, I bet you will. He was asleep for over an hour and I fell asleep not even 15 minutes before the baby cried.

It has to get better. I just want better to be sooner rather than later.

missmuffin87 · October 2013

Yep. I think it's mostly lack of sleep that's driving us both crazy. We split he chores and kid stuff pretty evenly and we've been parents for 3 years now so we have pur parenting style and routines down, so it's like there's nothing more we can really do. We both just get on each others nerves lately. I know I have much less patience and FI is just grumpier than usual. We just need sleep, but with 2 little kids that's not going to happen.

myglow · October 2013

The first 2 weeks hmm was so so so helpful. I felt all mushy and more in love with him than I had been in a long time. I was feeling so affectionate and even though I was tired I wanted to cuddle and even felt the desire to be intimate. All I wanted to do was be together. Now that he is back to work, he's like a totally different person. He tries to go to bed at 9-10 no matter what Los doing. I barely get a full shower. And he'd rather be out tinkering in the garage or getting ready for deer season. I'm mostly worried he won't bond with her or learn how to soothe and care for her when I go back to work and he has her in the evenings. I want those cuddly intimate feelings back too. I've been on the couch for 2 weeks because it's more comfortable to nurse all night than in bed but I'm not even really missing him. I know it will get better but I need it to be better now!

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