Did your husband not want more kiddos ... and then change his mind?

mcselfoneal · October 2013

Hello Ladies!

Quick Question for you ... did any of your husbands find out that you were having twins (or more), decide that he didn't want any more kids, and then after they were born, several months/years later change his mind?

My DH and I have always talked about having two children. We were both the youngest of two, we don't make a whole lotta money (but do well), and we are both 33. This is our first pregnancy after 27 months of TTC and we are having twins. I'm only 10 weeks along, but 4 weeks ago, DH commented "you're going to go back on the pill after this, right?" And maybe it was the whole "I-can't-believe-we're-finally-pregnant" high, but I was thinking to myself 1. I don't need BC, I don't freaking ovulate and 2. Having more children wouldn't be so bad. And before I could answer, he said something about reading that women who've been through fertility treatments can often get pregnant on their own with twins after already having twins. I just said "we'll see." and let it go. So then earlier this week, he brought it up again and said "I've only wanted two children, now we are going to have two children. I do NOT envy people with more than two children. I don't want that."

Who knows, I might change my mind after they get here and say "never again!!!!!" ... but I just wondered if other DHs had similar thoughts and changed their minds.

LegalLadyBug · October 2013

DH and I have discussed the amount of children we'll have. I wanted 4, he wanted 3. After leaving the OBs office the other day after we found out it was twins he says "so this is it then." I was like what are you talking about? He said now we have 3 so that answers the question of how many we'll have. I said we could talk about it and he said he'd have a vasectomy. Geeze! Can't we just get through this pregnancy and enjoy the new babies a bit before we make any decisions.

chickaboo1974 · October 2013

Since we TTC for so long (about 5 years), DH and I really just wanted a baby- so the boys were a happy event- but still scary. I know DH went thru a lot of "OMG" moments when I was 16-24 weeks. He was all- "oh we are done" after the boys were born, then he went thru a phase of "If you want more kids, you need to get a new husband"- I asked him about this and this all stemmed from the fear he had of losing me- I had pre-e and he was so afraid I would have a stroke and die, so no more kids for the fear of me having pre-e again. Now my boys will be 3- he is all- well another would be nice- but he feels he is too old- he will be 49 in January- I am 39. However, since our fertility is screwed up, the boys are likely the only kids we will have.

Stephanie2167 · October 2013

It all depends on the man I guess. We wanted two. Had DD and went for #2 and God granted us a surprise #3. I think DH would have been good with just DD but he knew I wanted another, and as DD got older and he looked back at photos of her as a baby, he started getting baby fever.

megs2011 · October 2013

We always said we only wanted 2. We found out that we were having twins and he along with others kept saying that "oh you are so lucky to get it over and done with in one pregnancy". I was sort of thinking the same thing every time I was in the hospital when I saw parents trying to deal with their other kids while mom was in labour/trying to take care of baby/ies. But once my pregnancy was over I started thinking I want to be pregnant again. However, it wasn't till the girls got to sleeping longer at night that I started feeling like I wasn't done. DH still kept saying "I'm done, have more with your next husband" He has changed his mind since though. I think he sees how fast the girls are growing up and misses it. We have recently been told to wait to TTC (DH wanted to get pg now) till I'm done physio on my back though. So we shall see.

mirnb · October 2013

My husband only wanted 2 kids until the boys were about a year and then he started to miss the baby stage....I always wanted 3 or 4.....we are pregnant again and waiting on our first ultrasound to see how many this time....but I think either way this will be it for us and I'm ok with that.......# of kids to have is really something both people have to be on board with!

raraavis28 · October 2013

DH and I agreed to not seriously talk about more kids until the twins turned 1. Before we got married we were in the "3 or 4" camp, and then after the babies were born, DH would go through phases of saying "let's have two girls now!" followed the next day by "no more kids!" Heck, it took him until they were 8 months old to stop looking at them and saying "oh my gosh, there's two of you!" So, like I said, no real discussions yet....and we might extend that deadline til after their second birthday.

LottaLattes · October 2013

Well my husband is the second marriage so it is a little different. We were going to have two kids together and be done, but after having the twins he started thinking about more. I am not sure we would honestly try for another if we had had b/g twins, but with 4 boys it is different (we would both be over the moon with a daughter).

I would definitely sit down and have a good discussion with him, but since you are pregnant now, it isn't really an issue. And you might change your mind too. And timing is another thing, I would maybe say you'll go back on the pill for (x) months but then you want to be able to discuss more?

JodiAriel · October 2013

I always wanted 3 and DH always wanted 2. He waffles back and forth but is mostly sticking to no more babies. I did not go back on birth control and told him if he wants to be sure no more babies he is in charge of BC. He has done nothing. That being said it took a lot of fertility treatments the first time around and I agree we wont do that again so we will only have another if I get pregnant on my own. Fingers crossed.

ShannonSky · October 2013

I wanted 3-4, dh wanted 2-3. These are babies 3 & 4. We are 100% done with fertility treatments, and I'm not interested in hormonal bc or an iud, so I told dh either I should get my tubes tied during my csection or he'll need to be ok with a surprise if it happens. I know 5 kids is over both of our limits, but he's hesitant to do anything permanent for some reason.

meldoo2002 · October 2013

We wanted 2 kids. Little did I know I meant 2 pregnancies, not 2 kids. But 4.5 years later we are done at 2. We were probably done at 2 a year out. I always said lets wait 4-5 years before making a decision, but honestly we have tough little guys, not to mention its expensive and adding another really would change our dynamic at this point so we're done at 2. I am 95% comfortable with that now. I know 3 is not realistic never mind 4 (these 2 were spontaneous). I think it's probably different for everybody, but DH was adamant from the day we found out it was twins he was good with 2.