A few things off my chest...

Judyliz · October 2013

I have had two miscarriages in two years. The first time around, I found out I was pregnant and less than 36 hours later I miscarried.That was in October 2011. This time I found out I was pregnant at the end of August.

At the end of September, I had been suffering from severe migraines for about three weeks. My primary physician was out of town and his stand-in would not see me. They sent me off to Urgent Care, which in turn sent me off to the ER.

After 7 hours of waiting because a severe migraine was not a priority on the list (there were only two people ahead of me when I arrived), they finally did an ultrasound and found that the baby had stopped developing 2-3 weeks earlier. I was devastated. I was supposed to be 9 weeks along, each week a step closer to being out of the danger zone of the first trimester. Not that people don't miscarry in their 2nd trimester.

I have no children. For years I was told by doctors that it would be almost impossible for me to get pregnant without treatment. Luckily, something changed in my body that allowed me to get pregnant these two times.

Through my pain and suffering, I find myself getting angry at situations I see around me:

1. It bothers me to see teenage girls walking around flaunting their baby bellies like it's nothing. And to then find out that they weren't even using protection is ridiculous.

2. If you have children, especially more than one, then why are you so devastated that you aren't having luck with a third one? Why can't you be grateful that you have any at all?

3. Why is it that I come accross women cheating on their husbands multiple times with different partners that continue to get pregnant and have healthy children? Why do they get to have that? Here I am only hoping for ONE child. Being faithful to my partner. Working hard to be able to provide for a child.

I know that life isn't fair and that there are worse things I could be going through. I am just tired of coming accross people who are either ungrateful, don't care, or are horrible examples of human beings.

Please feel free to rant. I need to hear what others feel about these situations.

Thank you.

masterofallcheese · October 2013

it's definitely normal to feel anger towards others that have been able to have children without the sadness or fear of losing a pregnancy. i had to restrain myself recently from yelling at a pregnant friend complaining about pregnancy pains. what i would give to have these real signs that a life is properly developing in me! so i would say continue to grieve and experience your feelings and know that this board is a great place to let all your thoughts out. hugs to you. i promise it gets a little easier to deal with over time.

amismom · October 2013

I understand what your going through. I know a women that smoked and drank throughout her pregnancy and deliveried a healthy baby a week ago. I'm happy she is healthy but angry at her mother for being so careless with her pregnancy! And I'm here trying to be as healthy as possible and I loss my baby. Its hard and there seems no reason. I'm sorry

Frenchteachermama · October 2013

**OLDER CHILDREN MENTIONED**

Judyliz said:

I have had two miscarriages in two years. The first time around, I found out I was pregnant and less than 36 hours later I miscarried.That was in October 2011. This time I found out I was pregnant at the end of August.
At the end of September, I had been suffering from severe migraines for about three weeks. My primary physician was out of town and his stand-in would not see me. They sent me off to Urgent Care, which in turn sent me off to the ER.
After 7 hours of waiting because a severe migraine was not a priority on the list (there were only two people ahead of me when I arrived), they finally did an ultrasound and found that the baby had stopped developing 2-3 weeks earlier. I was devastated. I was supposed to be 9 weeks along, each week a step closer to being out of the danger zone of the first trimester. Not that people don't miscarry in their 2nd trimester.
I have no children. For years I was told by doctors that it would be almost impossible for me to get pregnant without treatment. Luckily, something changed in my body that allowed me to get pregnant these two times.
Through my pain and suffering, I find myself getting angry at situations I see around me:
1. It bothers me to see teenage girls walking around flaunting their baby bellies like it's nothing. And to then find out that they weren't even using protection is ridiculous.
2. If you have children, especially more than one, then why are you so devastated that you aren't having luck with a third one? Why can't you be grateful that you have any at all?
3. Why is it that I come accross women cheating on their husbands multiple times with different partners that continue to get pregnant and have healthy children? Why do they get to have that? Here I am only hoping for ONE child. Being faithful to my partner. Working hard to be able to provide for a child.
I know that life isn't fair and that there are worse things I could be going through. I am just tired of coming accross people who are either ungrateful, don't care, or are horrible examples of human beings.
Please feel free to rant. I need to hear what others feel about these situations.
Thank you.

I just have to say that I am very grateful every single moment of my life for my two beautiful daughters, but I also suffered a recent miscarriage and am having a very hard time dealing with my issues of anger, grief, and sadness that this had happened to me. We have to all try to be here for each other on this message board. Everyone is here because they have suffered a miscarriage and needs support from the other women on this board.

LifeofCat · October 2013

Playing the compare/contrast game (aka "Pain Olympics") can be pretty dangerous and can ultimately not help you in your journey of healing. Grief is a beast, and anger is a very normal feeling but it can and will EAT you up if you let it.

As someone who lost my daughter Marianne at 22 weeks barely 2 months ago, believe me when I say that it was (and still is sometimes) upsetting to see pregnant women, especially very young women (the day I left the hospital after we lost Marianne, I witnessed a pregnant teen smoking). However, I have no idea who lies behind that pregnant belly, and am working REALLY hard to fight against that anger and bitterness, and simply surround myself with those who love me and take care of me.

A loss is devastating, no matter if you already have children or no. Last year, I witnessed a friend go through a second trimester loss and subsequent D&C. She is a stay at home mom with two daughters, and she still had to take care of them while suffering. It was really difficult. It's ALL difficult.

We're all suffering. It might be different, but it is no more or less painful. There's no other way to put it.

It's all about perspective.

You are a strong beautiful woman who went through something awful, as we all have, and you can conquer these feelings. It's counterproductive, fight back!

My intention isn't to insult you, I'm just trying to help.

Take care of yourself (((Hugs)))

Judyliz · October 2013

Exactly! I also know someone who did the same and had a perfectly healthy baby.

Judyliz · October 2013

Re: Frenchteachermama

When I talked about people who had other children and complained about their luck with a third, I wasn't referring to those who had miscarriages. A loss is a loss, no matter what.

I just wanted to clarify that I was talking about those who had two children or more and just were not getting pregnant at all.

I hope you understand what I mean.

Judyliz · October 2013

Re: meladoriestar

Again, I was not talking about someone's loss. I was talking about getting pregnant in the first place.

alm288 · October 2013

I have a tendency to compare myself to others in general. It drives DH crazy - but it's part of my overachiever personality I suppose. I've been trying very hard to not compare myself to pregnant women I see and wonder why me and not that 16 year old or the woman at work who accidentally got pregnant. I'm sorry you are having this issue too. As others said, it's dangerous.

I have no great advice - sorry. I just lost my first baby and am a bit lost at the moment myself. I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best. We all will get through this in our own way. I hope you can find some peace. *hugs*

aschultz9 · October 2013

Why would you assume a woman who wants to add to her family is ungrateful for the children she has?

A few things off my chest...

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