Meltdown - Novel status

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

So far during this pregnancy I haven't felt like I have been very emotional, or any more emotional than normal I should say!

I had quite the meltdown last night, but even now after I've had a chance to "cool off" I still feel like I wasn't being irrational. Feel free to tell me what you think

About a year ago a co-worker asked me if I wanted her very lightly used crib and changing table from Fletchers. It is a very nice set and I knew within the next year or so that we would start trying for a baby so I very gratefully took the set. Around that same time my mom was nearing the end of the very long process of adopting a little girl from an orphanage in Bulgaria. She did not have a crib for her yet, but would need one (Sophia was almost 4 years old and weighed 10 pounds.) I told my mom she could use the crib until we needed it.

Last night DH and I went over to my mom's to pick up the crib only to find that it wasn't taken apart yet (and it doesn't fit through the doors.) DH was pretty ticked that my parent's hadn't taken the time to take the crib apart for us, but I didn't see it as a big deal. Yeah it would have been nice, but we had time to do it. Well, my parent's weren't home and we couldn't find the correct tools to take it apart so DH became even more upset. When he gets like this he is no fun to be around. By no means is he mean, but he is just kind of hot headed and won't listen to anyone.

So I told him that he could go wait in the truck if he wanted while I put back on all of the bedding that we had taken off in anticipation of taking the crib apart. So he stormed out and left me alone to do it, which is what I preffered. I started crying because I was so frustrated with how something so little (in my eyes) was such a big deal to him and I knew that our night was ruined because he was upset. I couldn't stop crying.

About that some time my mom came home and came upstairs only to find me bawling. She hugged me and asked what was wrong so I told her how I felt. She was understanding and said that sometimes men get easily frustrated with things/objects. So when I calmed down I went downstairs and after visiting for another little while, DH and I left.

In the truck on the way home DH asked me why I got so upset, and then proceeded to get even more mad because my mom came in and found me crying so he said "Now your mom thinks i'm being a complete dick to her pregnant daughter." I tried to assure him that that's not what she thinks and I tried to explain why I was frustrated that something so little made him so mad. Needless to say, he wasn't hearing me. He didn't talk to me the rest of the night, and only said a couple words to me this morning before I left for work.

If you have made it this far...do you think I was being completely emotional/irrational? I should add that my husband is usually a very caring and respectful man, and I am extremely thankful for him. I would venture to guess that we all have times where we get so ticked off at our SO's that it makes us pretty crazy! I guess this was one of those times.

insertclevername · October 2013

Honestly, even if your husband is usually rational, level headed and kind, it sounds like he was being an ass last night. Also, your parents were pretty inconsiderate for not taking down the crib for you when they knew you would be picking it up. If I were your husband I would be kind of frustrated as well. My husband is easily frustrated and gets the same way sometimes. I certainly don't blame myself for it, I blame him for being an ass and not being able to regulate his frustration. I don't think you were being irrational.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

@NYMama1 do you usually just leave him alone when he gets frustrated, or have you found anything to say/do that helps the situation?

Lyzza350 · October 2013

It sounds like your husband was havin the meltdown. Honestly if he's normally kind and respectful id let it slide.

insertclevername · October 2013

Caitlinh27 said:

@NYMama1 do you usually just leave him alone when he gets frustrated, or have you found anything to say/do that helps the situation?

When he gets to the overwhelmed frustration point, the best thing to do is leave him alone and let him work it out on his own.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

jms1484 said:

My DH gets like this when he's stressed. He was super crabby last night, so maybe it was something in the air?! He was making our outside dogs' house ready for the winter and everything was making him soooo crabby! I usually just walk away at that point because there's no point in talking to him when he's like that. He's also the type of guy who would do anything for anyone and is almost always an amazing husband. I think guys just have their "moods" sometimes. I know that my DH doesn't like to vent to me when he's stressed because he doesn't want to worry me. Those are usually the times that a blow up happens.

I think maybe you're right! I guess I tend to forgot that guy's have their "moods" just like women do!

zou bisou · October 2013

Caitlinh27 said:

So far during this pregnancy I haven't felt like I have been very emotional, or any more emotional than normal I should say!
I had quite the meltdown last night, but even now after I've had a chance to "cool off" I still feel like I wasn't being irrational. Feel free to tell me what you think
About a year ago a co-worker asked me if I wanted her very lightly used crib and changing table from Fletchers. It is a very nice set and I knew within the next year or so that we would start trying for a baby so I very gratefully took the set. Around that same time my mom was nearing the end of the very long process of adopting a little girl from an orphanage in Bulgaria. She did not have a crib for her yet, but would need one (Sophia was almost 4 years old and weighed 10 pounds.) I told my mom she could use the crib until we needed it.
Last night DH and I went over to my mom's to pick up the crib only to find that it wasn't taken apart yet (and it doesn't fit through the doors.) DH was pretty ticked that my parent's hadn't taken the time to take the crib apart for us, but I didn't see it as a big deal. Yeah it would have been nice, but we had time to do it. Well, my parent's weren't home and we couldn't find the correct tools to take it apart so DH became even more upset. When he gets like this he is no fun to be around. By no means is he mean, but he is just kind of hot headed and won't listen to anyone.
So I told him that he could go wait in the truck if he wanted while I put back on all of the bedding that we had taken off in anticipation of taking the crib apart. So he stormed out and left me alone to do it, which is what I preffered. I started crying because I was so frustrated with how something so little (in my eyes) was such a big deal to him and I knew that our night was ruined because he was upset. I couldn't stop crying.
About that some time my mom came home and came upstairs only to find me bawling. She hugged me and asked what was wrong so I told her how I felt. She was understanding and said that sometimes men get easily frustrated with things/objects.

Your mom was very kind here. But I wouldn't so quickly give a guy a free pass because a penis makes them testy with objects.

So when I calmed down I went downstairs and after visiting for another little while, DH and I left.
In the truck on the way home DH asked me why I got so upset, and then proceeded to get even more mad because my mom came in and found me crying so he said "Now your mom thinks i'm being a complete dick to her pregnant daughter." I tried to assure him that that's not what she thinks and I tried to explain why I was frustrated that something so little made him so mad. Needless to say, he wasn't hearing me. He didn't talk to me the rest of the night, and only said a couple words to me this morning before I left for work.
If you have made it this far...do you think I was being completely emotional/irrational? I should add that my husband is usually a very caring and respectful man, and I am extremely thankful for him.

This is good but it sounds like you overlook some parts of his rougher side to cope with them. I hope your kindness and the kindness your mom shows inspires him to be better.

I would venture to guess that we all have times where we get so ticked off at our SO's that it makes us pretty crazy! I guess this was one of those times.

That was pretty bad behavior on your Dh's part. Bottom line is your Dh's attitude should've been gratitude for receiving furniture he didn't pay for.

Mrbatesisinnocent · October 2013

My husband + furniture assembly/dis-assembly = fuming crazy person as well. I think it's a guy thing. You were fine to get overwhelmed, but he was having a moment of frustration as well and can be cut some slack now that you're not in the moment and have gained some perspective. The situation does not appear personal. My advice, give him some space and let him calm down. In a day or two this will be old news. That's part of being in a relationship, finding out each others breaking points, weaknesses, failures, etc. and supporting them, understanding them, and loving them through it.

You absolutely don't need to be happy about the fact that he snapped at you. We all have our moments. When things have calmed down you should explain to him that when he is having moments of frustration it's okay to call a timeout and walk away so that your feelings don't get hurt and you can still support each other. Communication is key.

I hope you both can have a good talk about this and go on building strong communication as it will only strengthen your marriage for years to come.

frantastic12 · October 2013

I could see the exact same type of argument/meltdown happening between my husband and I. I don't think you were being irrational. My husband is normally awesome but gets irrationally frustrated with projects involving tools & assembling/disassembling things.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

Thank you ladies for your opinions and advice! DH and I are supposed to go out to dinner tonight for date night, so maybe we can smooth things over then and enjoy our night

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

superspecialsnowflake said:

Okay, before I answer, I just wanted to say that this line cracked me up: "She was understanding and said that sometimes men get easily frustrated with things/objects."

I think we may have something in common, OP - our own temperaments and our DH's temperaments.

My DH is the sweetest, most personable guy I've ever met. But he is quick to get frustrated when something doesn't work out the way he intends. When he gets frustrated, he gets stupid. For example, he was putting together the stroller a few weeks ago, and I heard some banging and swearing coming from the baby's room. I walked in to find him bitching about how he can't get the stroller to collapse. I tried to explain how to do it, but he was frustrated and not hearing me. I finally got him to let go of the stroller, I hit the correct button to make it collapse (just like that!) and all was right with the universe once again.

I have many, many stories like this. When DH gets "stupid frustrated" he can be hard to be around. I often can't be in the same room with him when he's like this because his stress makes me stressed. (I get even more stressed with the pregnancy hormones.) But I just have to let him cool down, which he always does, and then we can talk about what the problem was.

Give your DH some space to clear his head - this shouldn't take more than a day. If your husband continues to be grump and give you the partial silent treatment, you need to have a head on conversation with him about it. If he holds on this, he's just being childish.

I would definitely agree that we have that in common! Its comforting to hear that my DH isn't the only one who gets frustrated easily over things that seem silly to me.

Love the GIF! (That is what it's called right?!)

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

I'm just gonna go ahead and say this, but I feel like you have a lot of meltdowns. I can't guarantee I'm remembering correctly though.

I don't remember ever posting about another meltdown. I don't feel like I have many at all. I could actually probably count the amount of times I've cried during this pregnancy on one hand.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

superspecialsnowflake said:

Caitlinh27 said:

I would definitely agree that we have that in common! Its comforting to hear that my DH isn't the only one who gets frustrated easily over things that seem silly to me.
Love the GIF! (That is what it's called right?!)

Yep - that's a GIF!

Here's the thing. DH and I have been together long enough that he is fully aware of how his mood affects my mood. I'm also aware on my part of how my own responses to his stress can amplify or defuse the situation. Neither of us is going to change fully - he's still going to be a bit hotheaded at times and I'm still going to be sensitive. But we can work together to understand how we can help one another when these issues arise.

Is your DH aware of how you feel when you see him so upset over something? Is this something you've talked about?

I would say that he's probably not fully aware. When I'm upset because of his actions its really hard for me to convey my feelings correctly.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

Caitlinh27 said:

Cashingn2 said:

I'm just gonna go ahead and say this, but I feel like you have a lot of meltdowns. I can't guarantee I'm remembering correctly though.

I don't remember ever posting about another meltdown. I don't feel like I have many at all. I could actually probably count the amount of times I've cried during this pregnancy on one hand.

I stand corrected ...and that's why I didn't guarantee it lol.

No problem!

mh89 · October 2013

Caitlinh27 said:

So far during this pregnancy I haven't felt like I have been very emotional, or any more emotional than normal I should say!
I had quite the meltdown last night, but even now after I've had a chance to "cool off" I still feel like I wasn't being irrational. Feel free to tell me what you think
About a year ago a co-worker asked me if I wanted her very lightly used crib and changing table from Fletchers. It is a very nice set and I knew within the next year or so that we would start trying for a baby so I very gratefully took the set. Around that same time my mom was nearing the end of the very long process of adopting a little girl from an orphanage in Bulgaria. She did not have a crib for her yet, but would need one (Sophia was almost 4 years old and weighed 10 pounds.) I told my mom she could use the crib until we needed it.
Last night DH and I went over to my mom's to pick up the crib only to find that it wasn't taken apart yet (and it doesn't fit through the doors.) DH was pretty ticked that my parent's hadn't taken the time to take the crib apart for us, but I didn't see it as a big deal. Yeah it would have been nice, but we had time to do it. Well, my parent's weren't home and we couldn't find the correct tools to take it apart so DH became even more upset. When he gets like this he is no fun to be around. By no means is he mean, but he is just kind of hot headed and won't listen to anyone.
So I told him that he could go wait in the truck if he wanted while I put back on all of the bedding that we had taken off in anticipation of taking the crib apart. So he stormed out and left me alone to do it, which is what I preffered. I started crying because I was so frustrated with how something so little (in my eyes) was such a big deal to him and I knew that our night was ruined because he was upset. I couldn't stop crying.
About that some time my mom came home and came upstairs only to find me bawling. She hugged me and asked what was wrong so I told her how I felt. She was understanding and said that sometimes men get easily frustrated with things/objects. So when I calmed down I went downstairs and after visiting for another little while, DH and I left.
In the truck on the way home DH asked me why I got so upset, and then proceeded to get even more mad because my mom came in and found me crying so he said "Now your mom thinks i'm being a complete dick to her pregnant daughter." I tried to assure him that that's not what she thinks and I tried to explain why I was frustrated that something so little made him so mad. Needless to say, he wasn't hearing me. He didn't talk to me the rest of the night, and only said a couple words to me this morning before I left for work.
If you have made it this far...do you think I was being completely emotional/irrational? I should add that my husband is usually a very caring and respectful man, and I am extremely thankful for him. I would venture to guess that we all have times where we get so ticked off at our SO's that it makes us pretty crazy! I guess this was one of those times.

Wait what? 10 pounds at 4 years old? Are you sure? I feel like the bones of a four year old alone would weigh more than 10 pounds. Is the child okay?

Also, I'm sorry you had a rough day. I probably would have been upset too, though maybe more irritated with my mom than my DH in that situation.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

@mh89 Yep, I'm sure. She was EXTREMELY malnourished. Because she has Downs Syndrome she was left at an orphanage where she was left in her crib all day everyday. She could not sit up, walk, crawl, talk, or eat. She has come a long way in the past year and has a light in her eyes now

Look at her transformation!

lifesaverz · October 2013

Caitlinh27 said:

@mh89 Yep, I'm sure. She was EXTREMELY malnourished. Because she has Downs Syndrome she was left at an orphanage where she was left in her crib all day everyday. She could not sit up, walk, crawl, talk, or eat. She has come a long way in the past year and has a light in her eyes now

Look at her transformation!

wow, this made me want to cry!

lp0 · October 2013

Omg! That picture is heartbreaking! Your mom is a very special person to adopt such a child in need.

I don't think you were being irrational. I've been a lunatic this pregnancy and while I know I'm doing it and try not to be, I just can't help it. My husband has been pretty understanding about it which is good. He definitely has his moments when he could be a complete dick and I want to throat punch him but that is usually of a result of someone not doing what they were supposed to (like in your situation) or when he is stressed. We all have our flaws and it's important to remember men can have mood swings too. I hope you enjoy your date night!

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

tarashea721 said:

Caitlinh27 said:

@mh89 Yep, I'm sure. She was EXTREMELY malnourished. Because she has Downs Syndrome she was left at an orphanage where she was left in her crib all day everyday. She could not sit up, walk, crawl, talk, or eat. She has come a long way in the past year and has a light in her eyes now

Look at her transformation!

Okay so, after seeing this picture. Your parents get a free pass for not having the crib ready. Are you kidding me? They are WONDERFUL people. I'm in tears.

That is exactly why I was more than willing to take the crib apart ourselves. Sophia is only 1 of 5 kids with disabilities they have adopted. My parent's have their hands full to say the least. They do so much and are so loving to us that I never think twice about picking up some extra slack or helping out where I can.

Caitlinh27 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

OP, that first picture is so heartbreaking, but my Lord if she isn't the most precious little girl ever now!

Eta: She was precious then too.

She is a beautiful little girl. My parent's have other younger children (adopted) as well and she will just laugh and laugh at the silly things they do. She rarely ever cries and is always so happy. She is precious

mkhim · October 2013

Your husband is probably also a bit more stressed than usual with LO on the way. That might be the reason he snapped at something so small.

mh89 · October 2013

Wow, I totally take back what I said about maybe being irritated with your mom for not having the crib ready. Your parents are saints! What a beautiful little girl! I'm so glad she's doing better now. The before and after picture were like night and day. Look at that smile!

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