Weight Gain, Emotional Eating, Misery

nkemery · October 2013

I started miscarrying 6 weeks ago. It's incomplete. I'm going in for a D&C to finish it up next week. I've been alternating between having days where I am wholly uninterested in eating and find it not worth my time, but more often than not I'm eating junk food that I don't really want and cooking and baking to occupy myself. I've taken to baking cupcakes which, while beautiful and delicious, are not helping my situation.

I'm not even remotely overweight, and, aside from as a kid/teenager my weight has always been around the 140 mark. I'm currently nearing 155 and it's driving me mad. It sounds ridiculous to me, as I have so many other things to worry about right now than gaining a little weight, but I have a serious history with eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum. I've been from 110 to 200 pounds at any given time in my teens and I'm just overwhelmed by my emotions right now and I know that my eating is a way to control them, even though when I find myself stuffing cupcakes and twizzlers in my mouth I'm FURIOUS. Sometimes I pick them up and don't even realize it until I'm eating.
I'm trying really hard to get back into my healthy eating (I'm usually a relatively reasonable eater, fruits and veggies and proteins with few sweets in between). On days when I try my best to avoid overeating, I go in the opposite direction and sit at my computer drinking coffee and starving myself all day, not with the INTENTION to starve, but just to stop stuffing my face for a little while.

This combined with the bloating from the MC is really depressing just because, in my mind, I feel like, if people knew that I had gotten pregnant and didn't know about the miscarriage, they would think I have a small baby bump right now. I don't want to risk that mistake being made.

Is anyone else really struggling with this? I can't be the only one.

Unknown · October 2013

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nkemery · October 2013

I've taken a peek at the TTCAL boards but thats the thing, I'm NOT TTC, this was an unexpected pregnancy and we have no plans for children in the near future (as hard as that is to cope with, knowing that, by April I will be neither pregnant nor holding my baby). I wish there were a place for women like myself who are making the right choice for ourselves in not having children right away.
But perhaps those women will be accepting of me as well, as part of my motivation to get back in shape and live well is so that, when I am ready to start trying I'll be in a good physical and mental condition to do so.

It's hard though, trying to take care of yourself after a loss.
I started taking even better care of myself when I found out I was pregnant, but now I find myself in the mindset of, "Why bother?!" since it's not for the sake of my baby.

Unknown · October 2013

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FitMamaInProgress · October 2013

I'm 4 weeks since d&c and 5.5 since I found out. I've gained and gained and just feel miserable. I've gone from a marathoner pre getting pregnant to gaining 10 lbs right before conceiving to gaining 8 lbs from the baby in 4 months and 7 after... Needless to say I'm up 25 lbs and totally adding to my depression. But in the same respect I have no motivation to get started working out and eating 100% like I have for years ;(

Summary- I feel you xo

Unknown · October 2013

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nkemery · October 2013

My poor boyfriend and mother think they're being helpful by occasionally buying me the yummy snacks that I love, but when he comes home from work with a big bag of doritos and I eat them all at once it doesn't make me feel better, it makes me miserable. Although he does make a point to tell me that I'm beautiful, so I'm never fearful that he, or anyone else for that matter, thinks that I'm a huge monster (which is how I feel sometimes).

I know for sure that I need to see someone for all that I'm going through, but it's just such a daunting process to get started. I've been in and out of counseling since I was a child for various reasons.
I'm hoping to find these TTA women and maybe even others who are working to get back in great, baby-making shape, regardless of when they plan to do the baby-making.

Thanks for all your help ladies.
It's good to know that I'm not a crazy, weight-gaining, sad-sack.

lindahwa · October 2013

I am the same boat. I was a lean 110 lbs boxer. For TTC, I put on 8 - 12 lbs. That puts me in normal category for 5'1" height. For the pregnancy, I gained about 4 more lbs. Right now, I have no energy to work out like I used to. I actually ran and was fitter when I was pregnant.

Everyday, I brought my work out clothes to the gym and every day, I feel so heavy. I am probably close, if not over 130 lbs now. My clothes don't fit anymore. I know I need to get out of this mode. I am going on a road trip with my family, I hope that I will get back to my routine and get my energy back.

libby+nate · October 2013

I feel you. I had a mm/c at 12 weeks. I was 114 pre pregnancy and 5'5". That is down from 145 one year before our wedding (2 years ago) I felt awesome about my size 00 and new I would be willing to lose my figure for a baby. I gained 3.8 lbs pregnancy weight and right after D&C was back to pre-pregnancy weight. Now I'm up 8 lbs and feel flabby and unhealthy. I have been cramming down foods I avoided while expecting. Back to diet dr pepper, cookies, coffee, processed foods and junk. I not only feel flabby I feel yucky and unhealthy. I totally feel you. Let's make this a turning point! So sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else!

alm288 · October 2013

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I recently bought candy for Halloween and find myself snacking on it way too much. Gotta buy more before next week.

Anyways I am an emotional eater and grab junk food when I feel sad. If you feel like it's really out of control, perhaps you could talk to a psychologist or therapist. Someone to just help you through this process. Are there any sports you like? Maybe you could start getting back into exercising.

I ran before and during my pregnancy and am feeling the need to get back out there again. It's my stress relief and time for me. I find it kind of therapeutic. Actually yesterday I started tracking my calories again. It helps me keep my weight in check and honestly I'd like to lose a few pounds.

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon!

nkemery · October 2013

Well, this morning I called a local counseling center that has great reviews and several therapists to choose from, they said they'll have to do intake first but then I can try getting in to see someone. Not only for my uncontrollable food problems that are just making it harder to cope but also for the overall emptiness and hollow feeling that I've had since I found out about the miscarriage.I have friends and family to talk to, but there comes a time when they're like "Okay, enough already" so I need to find someone professional.

I have some workout equipment in my home and I try to convince myself to use it, even if it's only sitting on my stability ball while I browse the forums, but like I said before, I just can't seem to shake this "why bother" attitude.

I'm at least trying to get back into drinking my healthy smoothies/shakes on a daily basis, when I have those I find myself less inclined to eat so much junk. And every time I walk my dog I make sure to strap on my running shoes so that I can run with him. It's better for me and for him. Some days it's the only exercise I get apart from walking to and from the fridge.

It sucks, because when I found out that I was pregnant I regretted not doing better for myself, and then when I miscarried I decided to focus on all the things that I could do now that I couldn't do if I was pregnant/parenting and the things I could do to make sure that, when I do have children, I'll be ready for them.

I've finally contacted the cosmetology school that I want to go to and am touring on Monday, so I think that's a step in the right direction. But one of the biggest things that I was excited to do was to get back into shape and to take care of my body and mind so that, when the time comes to gain 20 pounds and lose my figure I wouldn't be traumatized and angry about it. But now it feels like I'm never going to get there.

MrsG80inTN · October 2013

I'm sorry you're having to go through this... I'm one week past MC so I don't have a lot to tell you about timing. I've been on a healthy/fitness journey for a long time. I've been as high as 246 and as low as 155. I gained 40# from Jan - to July of this year b/c I was depressed (TTC) and crazy after endometriosis surgery. I got a FitBit and it helped me start inching towards being more active which helped me continue to want to eat better and I'm down about 30# since the end of June. I stayed active most of my pregnancy (7 wks) and lost a little weight... of course, this week, I've lost a good 3-4#... I'm trying to eat well, but sometimes only chocolate calls. Dinner doesn't generally sound good. I'm back to working out now (took a few days off post MC) and it feels good to get endorphins flowing if that makes sense.

Bottom line is I don't know what normal is -everyone's normal is different. I do know I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better soon.

masterofallcheese · October 2013

i too alternate between not eating anything and eating too much/only wanting junk. i have finally run out of junk food at home and i plan on not buying replacements for awhile. but i really dont feel motivated to eat and right now I'm not going to blame myself too much. i think it's a function of grieving and going through the hormonal changes.

Frenchteachermama · October 2013

nkemery said:

I started miscarrying 6 weeks ago. It's incomplete. I'm going in for a D&C to finish it up next week. I've been alternating between having days where I am wholly uninterested in eating and find it not worth my time, but more often than not I'm eating junk food that I don't really want and cooking and baking to occupy myself. I've taken to baking cupcakes which, while beautiful and delicious, are not helping my situation.

I'm not even remotely overweight, and, aside from as a kid/teenager my weight has always been around the 140 mark. I'm currently nearing 155 and it's driving me mad. It sounds ridiculous to me, as I have so many other things to worry about right now than gaining a little weight, but I have a serious history with eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum. I've been from 110 to 200 pounds at any given time in my teens and I'm just overwhelmed by my emotions right now and I know that my eating is a way to control them, even though when I find myself stuffing cupcakes and twizzlers in my mouth I'm FURIOUS. Sometimes I pick them up and don't even realize it until I'm eating.
I'm trying really hard to get back into my healthy eating (I'm usually a relatively reasonable eater, fruits and veggies and proteins with few sweets in between). On days when I try my best to avoid overeating, I go in the opposite direction and sit at my computer drinking coffee and starving myself all day, not with the INTENTION to starve, but just to stop stuffing my face for a little while.

This combined with the bloating from the MC is really depressing just because, in my mind, I feel like, if people knew that I had gotten pregnant and didn't know about the miscarriage, they would think I have a small baby bump right now. I don't want to risk that mistake being made.

Is anyone else really struggling with this? I can't be the only one.

The same exact thing happened to me. I started my miscarriage at the beginning of August with misprostol and ended up needing a D&C at the end of September. I feel like I had to go through the whole process TWICE. I have no advice other than what PP have said...I just feel your pain!!! It's bad enough to go through this but now NONE of my pants fit!

nkemery · October 2013

Well ladies, I thought a little update was in order. I really think finally saying it and just putting it out there and acknowledging that it was a problem and that I didn't like the way things were was a good start.
I'm trying to heed the advice of taking it one step at a time and currently that step is to incorporate 1 smoothie a day into my diet. Today it was for breakfast, but other days it may replace a snack or, if I have a bad day and don't feel like eating, I will be sure to use it as one of my meals or at least a starter. I also finally had a good long cry/talk about everything with my boyfriend. He was really supportive and promised to put a stop to buying bunches of junk food for me.

Today we went grocery shopping and I even stocked up on hummus and triscuits and kiwi

Trying to incorporate one healthy thing that also makes me happy is really making it easier to feel better and eat better. It's only one day, so far, but one day at a time is the only way to do it.
I've been making healthy choices all day and feeling a lot better for it.

I'm really glad you guys are around to help me, even if it's just to lend an ear

Smithtino · October 2013

I do the same thing! The amount of Halloween candy I have eaten this week is ridiculous (mc last week). I am so mad at myself for only wanting sweets and junk but I can't help it! I had a milkshake for dinner last night!

Something I think will help is my husband and I are starting a 30 day clean eating challenge on Saturday (called Whole30). We have done it before with incredible results in our bodies, minds, and spirits. Also it will be nice to have something good to focus on in the aftermath of the tragedy of our miscarriage.

But today, all the sweets I can get!!

TXSparky · October 2013

nkemery said:

Well ladies, I thought a little update was in order. I really think finally saying it and just putting it out there and acknowledging that it was a problem and that I didn't like the way things were was a good start.
I'm trying to heed the advice of taking it one step at a time and currently that step is to incorporate 1 smoothie a day into my diet. Today it was for breakfast, but other days it may replace a snack or, if I have a bad day and don't feel like eating, I will be sure to use it as one of my meals or at least a starter. I also finally had a good long cry/talk about everything with my boyfriend. He was really supportive and promised to put a stop to buying bunches of junk food for me.

Today we went grocery shopping and I even stocked up on hummus and triscuits and kiwi
Trying to incorporate one healthy thing that also makes me happy is really making it easier to feel better and eat better. It's only one day, so far, but one day at a time is the only way to do it.
I've been making healthy choices all day and feeling a lot better for it.

I'm really glad you guys are around to help me, even if it's just to lend an ear

That's awesome news! I'm glad you found a way to feel in control and happy. Don't be too hard on yourself tho. Each day has it's own challenges. You have been through a lot.

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