1+ twins + more ?!? When are you "done"?

curlywhirly · October 2013

Hi Ladies! I've been largely absent from this board since my twins were born 20 months ago.

Now I have a 4 yo and my 20 month twins.

My issue is I'm all of a sudden thinking that I want to have more children.

My husband and I initially planned to have two kids, so we were already over our "plan" when the twins arrived.

It would be a stretch, but I'm sure we could swing it financially, but as you all know, having twins is hard, and having twins plus others is even harder. There would certainly be hard times, but I can't help but think that the good times would outweigh the bad.

I'm also pretty sure my husband is open to having more or stopping at this point.

And even though I'm feeling like it would be great to have more, I love having my three kids and I can't imagine how another would change things (but I had similar feelings when I got pregnant with the twins). So even though I kind of want more, the idea certainly scares me a bit too. I feel like we are getting to the fun times with the kids now.

So, anyone in a similar situation? How did you make your decision about when to be done having kids?

And what if I ended up having twins again--a daunting thought, for sure!

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. I'm feeling pretty confused!

sparkman-to-be · October 2013

I'm pregnant w #s 3 & 4. We have 4y and 16m old daughters. This pregnancy wasn't planned - twins definitely not planned. We had always said we'd have 3 and likely adopt a 4th. So much for planning. But in the end we are getting exactly what we wanted...4 kids.

For me, I know I am done after this. I plan to have tubes done and am, for the most part, happy about it. It's sad to end such a huge part of life but mentally, emotionally and physically, I just can't imagine going through a pregnancy w 4 little ones to manage. Also, financially, 4 is plenty. Lol. I haven't closed the door to adoption yet but I'm quite certain after the twins arrive, I'll want to break from introducing more kids to the family for a good while.

kiwi443 · October 2013

I have a 4 year old and 21 month old twins. I had my tubes tied during my C-section. We knew we wanted at least two kids, but were on the fence about a third. When they both came at the same time, the decision to be done was pretty easy for us.

I did have some twinges of regret when the girls were approaching 1 and the realization that the baby stage was gone forever really hit home, but I'm in a good place now. Our family feels complete.

LucyRicardo3 · October 2013

I'm expecting #5 in February with 2 yr old twins, a 5 yr old, and a 13 yr old.

We were hoping for more, but were leaning towards fostering or adoption since we didn't think we'd be able to concieve due to my GYN issues and our ages (me-37; dh-46)

I'm a SAHM and DH works long hours to provide for us. It's not a glamorous life, and nothing I would have ever dreamed, but I wouldn't change a thing.

It does get difficult to juggle everyone right now because we don't have family close by (or anyone yet that can handle helping out with a pile of little ones) when things like illness or logistics for extracurriculars, but we know it's just a short season of life.

My dr was supportive that I couldn't make up my mind about a tubal after the twins were born. I had a slight tug that I wasn't ready to close the chapter, just yet.

However, I feel a complete peace about having the procedure after this little guy gets here. We are still considering adoption or foster care in our distant future, but my body is done.

We have a strong marriage and we'd just bought a 5br home before we got pregnant, and my minivan will hold us all, barely, lol. So space isn't an issue, thankfully.

Best wishes on your decision.

TobieRose · October 2013

Although we will definitely be waiting for a bit after the twins come, DH and I are open to more.

(No specific number in mind right now, we'll see how we feel as life goes on!) I feel very similar to what you said ... while having more kids is definitely hard, I feel like the good times will outweigh the bad.

It is obviously a very personal decision, but I've yet to meet anyone who regretted having more kids ... at least not once they got through the "tunnel" of the early years. Although I come from a small family, I know/have known a lot of larger families so to me the idea of having a fourth or fifth is not as intimidating as it is for some of my friends.

Momof8inSC · October 2013

I had 6 kids, then a tubal. Regretted it immediately. Waited 2.5 years and we wanted more for sure. Did IVF and first try- pregnant w #7&8!!! Not sure if we are done. I know that for US, a permanent solution was a terrible mistake. We really thought we were done at 6.

Missi576 · October 2013

I'm going to go with the 'wait and see' answer. A few years ago, I would have never believed you if you'd have told me I'd be divorced, remarried, and pregnant with twins at 37. (side note, my ex and I are good friends, we just weren't meant to be more, so this was truly an amazing blessing).

My point is that you never know what life is going to hold for you. Perhaps just stop any type of birth control and see where it takes you. If you both find yourself anxiously hoping each month.. then perhaps more is the answer?

For me, this is it. Not because I wouldn't love more children, but because by the time these twins will be born, I will be almost 38 years old. Of course, I say that thinking that one of these is a boy ~laugh~ This pregnancy has been difficult for me already at this point and I'm not convinced I want to go through this ever again. Of course, I'm saying this in the middle of the not so fun stuff, so maybe once the twins are born, I'll think differently.

megs2011 · October 2013

We are more or less on the fence. We always said 2 kids was it for us. Then I found out at 10 weeks pregnant that it was twins. I thought throughout most of my pregnancy that this was it and I'm getting what I want in one pregnancy and will never have to do it again. But now I find myself feeling like my family isn't complete yet. We have to wait till I'm done with physio to even start TTC so who knows how I'll feel by then. DH seems to be on board now that our girls are a year old and realizing that it goes really fast. Time will tell.

CaliCarly77 · October 2013

I'm from a family of 4 kids and its great - you always have a buddy to ride the roller coaster with.

As soon as we learned it was twins, mh said "awesome! We can have a 3rd!" I don't know if I would want just a 3rd, because of a 3rd being the only single, so I would think maybe go for 4 or stay at 2. I am 36 so its not like I'd have oodles of time to decide. And what really scares me is when they go off to college, and the costs involved there.

MrsCali_Bride · October 2013

One plus twins was it for us. Aside from the monetary aspect, I don't think that either of us would have the time, energy or patience for more children. Our twins were spontaneous and I'd be worried that "just one more" would become two or three more. We're happy with our three kids and, barring any unforeseen circumstances, we feel that our family is complete.

Reilly626 · October 2013

Wow I give you all credit! I'm happy with my boy girl twins and frankly saving their college tuition and currently daycare costs are enough for two. I couldn't imagine more. I get why you all want 4, a friend had twins and then a third, and one child is always left out. Best of luck!

tootsscott · October 2013

We're absolutely done after these two! This pregnancy has kicked my ass and don't think I could survive it again!!

And like a PP said, id be terrified to get twins again!

raraavis28 · October 2013

I only have the twins so far, but I definitely want more. It will have to wait a little bit, though....got to get some financial and other issues stabilized first. Plus, my life has moved so fast in the last couple years.....got engaged to DH just after a year of dating, married 11 months later, twins born the day before our first anniversary....it would be nice for things to just slow down for two seconds before thinking about more big changes.

Mrs.Guz · October 2013

We have a 5 year old plus the twins (7 weeks old). We always said we would just have two, so we got a bonus. We are done. I got my tubes tied during my c/s.

LottaLattes · October 2013

We are thinking of #5, but if it doesn't happen, I am ok with that. Due to my age, I will probably just get another iud after #5. I am 99.9% sure I would be done at the age of 40, but surgery kind of wigs me out.

LottaLattes · October 2013

Oh and we wanted 2 more (second husband) and ended up with the twins. And we both would love another, and would have fingers crossed for a girl, but not the end of the world if it was a boy

I doubt I would have had 5 kids if I'd stayed with my X.

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