PGALs - not excited yet??

getitdone · October 2013

Just a quick back story - DH and I have been trying to have a baby for 2+ years. We had 2 m/cs early on and then went 15 months with no positives. So here we are now, almost 12 weeks, we have seen the baby, seen the hb, and heard the hb, but yet we are still having a hard time accepting that we are really going to have a baby. We don't talk about the baby very much and really haven't started planning for the baby. I think we are both just too afraid to get attached because of the heartache we have suffered in the past. Anyone else dealing with this? I keep telling myself after the next dr appt, I will really believe it. We had an u/s at 6, 8, and 10 weeks and each time, I keep saying - after the next appt we can get excited. I go back in next Tuesday so maybe after that appt I will let myself start getting excited and shopping for baby items. Thanks for reading...

stiches221 · October 2013

I am finding it hard to get attached and excited too. Just got to see the baby squirming around yesterday with a good strong heartbeat but my main fear lies now that I will lose the baby later in the pregnancy cause I did not know about the rogam (or whatever it's called) shot and didn't have one after my first loss so since I am A- I may already have the antibodies in my blood that could attack and kill my baby any time during the second and third trimesters. I don't think ill be able to relax and be excited until baby it born.

csavery · October 2013

My emotions are all over the place these days anyway but after three miscarriages I'm finding it very difficult to get excited. I went shopping with my MIL the other day, when we walked by the baby clothes section in Target something caught her eye. She hesitantly showed it to me and I got an instant stomach ache....I'm hoping when I reach second trimester I'll be more connected and excited but I'm doubtful of that. Probably not until I'm holding my baby in May!

holtzm · October 2013

KatyPatrick, I'm in the same boat. Had a mc, have a- blood and never had a rogam shot. But my dr. Said since I had the mc so early (5 weeks) the baby's blood hasn't formed yet. Besides, my blood test showed I didn't have any antibodies. If you are concerned about your negative blood, you should talk more with your dr. About it.
Getitdone, it's taken time but I'm slowly getting excited about our new LO. I'm still scared we will have another heartbreaking loss and sometimes I fear I'm getting too attached, but I'm choosing to give all my fears and doubts over to God.

Pixiesmom73 · October 2013

I totally understand how you are feeling. I too give myself the same deadlines, of "be excited after this good ultrasound". I still have a couple more before I am as far as you are, but I don't think the negative thoughts will go away even then. Once you know the pain of different losses, then pregnancy after that is not the same. I am still hopeful, just not excited yet. Hoping this will change as we get our big bellies and can feel our babies move.

sweetky_06 · October 2013

I am also hopeful but not yet excited. I'm just waiting the weeks until I can feel this baby move and I start to look pregnant. Then I can get excited.

lildarling76 · October 2013

I feel the same way. I had to early losses this year and 5weeks and I am way past that, but I keep having a fear about my NT scan on Monday. The only reason is because of all the other posts the past couple of days. I keep telling my self after the scan we can annouce it on facebook and I can really start planning.

chknma · October 2013

((Hugs)) PGAL is a hard place to live even when something good is happening. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. I am slowly getting excited, but think I will feel better when I start to have a real bump and then feel baby move.

I also find myself comparing where I am now to where I should be if we hadn't lost two pregnancies in May and July. I just keep reminding myself that we love this baby and are grateful that we will be holding her/him in our arms soon. We didn't tell many people about our losses so I also feel guilty as we slowly tell some of our family that they don't know about our other babies that we lost.

Yay for almost second tri!!! Congrats!!

ksyknelvr73 · October 2013

Totally understand. I felt that way with my son (I had a loss before him), and I think I finally started to get excited after my anatomy scan at 20 weeks. By that point, I knew he was healthy, found out he was a boy, and I could feel him move so it became a lot more real.

This time, I'm so detached b/c I've had two more losses prior to it. I've had two great ultrasounds so far but it still doesn't feel real. I have a feeling it will be the same kind of thing as when I was pregnant with my son.

meli1025 · October 2013

I feel the same way, I just can't get excited yet. Part of me hopes to get a little more excited if I get good news next week at my NT scan and from my Mat21 blood test, but I doubt that will happen. I will be grateful to hear that this baby is healthy so far and I want so badly to enjoy this pregnancy, but I'm still pretty far off from my first loss milestone. All of my tests with my daughter were perfect, nothing should've gone wrong and it did. ((hugs))

dragossoul84 · October 2013

Honestly I didnt believe I was going to have a baby until I heard DS cry. Even in the hospital I was sure something was going to be wrong. Honestly it didnt get better for me even after I brought him home I was terrified of SIDS and that I would lose him. I got some help from my Dr and I am trying really hard to be excited and easy going this time. I'm on a lot if you ever need some one to vent to you can always pm me

perezfcc · October 2013

I totally know what you are going through. I lost a baby at 20 weeks. I am nine weeks now and I have told no one. Not even the father of the baby. Although I'm doing all the right things for the baby as far as taking prenatals and eating healthy food, I feel no connection. And it's probably due to the same reasons you are having trouble connecting. I'm positive that it will get easier just don't know when

AshleighDB · October 2013

I feel the same today at nine weeks. Even with good blood tests and an ultrasound, every day I worry and think today's the day I'll start spotting. It's hard, if not impossible to get excited in this frame of mind so I try to be more positive but it's hard.
Maybe after the anatomy scan things will start to feel more permanent.

JACKIE_RS88 · October 2013

I've had one late miscarriage (2nd tri) and one live birth. I go through peaks and valleys...I want to jump up and shout out of excitement and then I want to keep it to myself and don't want anyone to know because something can still happen. Something can happen in 1,2,3 tri. Something can happen after birth. Something can happen in the first year. Something can always happen. I wish I could clear myself of negative thoughts and assume nothing bad will happen but its hard especially when I read about stillborns and it just freaks me out - it can happen to anybody.

lynseyadamson · October 2013

I feel exactly the same. I have a son aged 3 and when I was pregnant with him I never really thought of the possibility of a mc (naive I know). We lost a baby at 10 weeks (but found at at 11+5 - it was a mmc) in June. The pregnancy was awful as I bled a lot throughout but had 3 scans which all showed a healthy baby. The fourth scan showed we'd lost the baby and I was heartbroken. I've had no bleeding or anything with this baby but I can't shake off the feeling we are going to lose it. I can't bear to tell anyone, I can't look at baby clothes or products, i don't feel excited and I don't feel like I'm going to have another baby. I feel completely robbed of the excitement I felt being pregnant with my son. My last pregnancy was a complete rollercoaster of emotions but this time I just feel terrified. It's like I have a good twin and a bad twin in my head. My good twin is saying "you haven't bled this time and everything looked great at a scan at 6 weeks." My bad twin is screaming "but maybe the baby has passed away and you've had no signs yet." It's making me feel so sad. I hope we all have happy and healthy pregnancies xxx

charley0624 · October 2013

getitdone said:

Just a quick back story - DH and I have been trying to have a baby for 2+ years. We had 2 m/cs early on and then went 15 months with no positives. So here we are now, almost 12 weeks, we have seen the baby, seen the hb, and heard the hb, but yet we are still having a hard time accepting that we are really going to have a baby. We don't talk about the baby very much and really haven't started planning for the baby. I think we are both just too afraid to get attached because of the heartache we have suffered in the past. Anyone else dealing with this? I keep telling myself after the next dr appt, I will really believe it. We had an u/s at 6, 8, and 10 weeks and each time, I keep saying - after the next appt we can get excited. I go back in next Tuesday so maybe after that appt I will let myself start getting excited and shopping for baby items. Thanks for reading...

Lurking...

OP I might as well have written your post myself. Ive also had 2 losses, took a while to get pg this time, saw perfect US's at 5,6,8, and 10 weeks, and have my next NT scan Tuesday (12wks3days). I keep telling myself that its too early to get excited, something may go wrong, and really only talk about the pg with my DH. Im pretty sure every day this week I keep asking him, "do you really think everything will be ok next Tuesday??"

No advice I just sympathize. Its like on the one hand, I know that whatever happens will happen and the odds are in my/our favor. But I question everything (symptoms etc) and am partially expecting bad news, I think more in an effort to protect my heart. But theres no protecting it in the long run. Anyway I totally understand. T&Ps for us both next week (which PS is taking FOREVER to get here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

awc1986 · October 2013

I only started to connect with my baby yesterday when I saw it yawning and squirming around on the screen. My last 12 week scan was when we discovered the BO, so I was being really reserved about this pregnancy. Now I know there's a little squirt in my belly that's wriggling around, I can relax and start thinking about the future.

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