Coming out of "Retirement"

Mrs.McIrish · October 2013

Hi ladies, I have not been doing so well with CFNBC and had a breakdown last month when I realized that there are 5 girls in their 20s in DH's family and another 4 in their teens how I'm going to have to endure multiple pregnancies for the next 2 decades plus. It will never end. I told DH I won't be able to go to family functions etc and wasn't sure how this would affect me in the long run. The first one just got engaged and that's what set me thinking on this. So, we have decided to have a consult with RBA using frozen eggs. I need to know if it was our last crappy clinic that was the problem or if it's "us"... Just for background, the last clinic over stimmed my first donor, my 2nd donor backed out a week before the ER and the clinic then lied to us about being a 3rd recipient for our 3rd donor(we thought we were a 2nd recipient). Out of the 12 donor eggs we got from this clinic, we had one 4BC blast that I had a m/c with. That's a crazy low percentage and shocking to not have any good blasts. I need to know if a donor who was screened more thoroughly and a far superior lab can make a difference. I'm too jaded to have "hope" of it working at this point but I need to know if the same thing happens with a better clinic. I can accept CFNBC if we still can't get a good embryo. Part of me thinks I am insane to try this again so we are not telling anyone IRL this time. I don't want the blank stares. We're hoping to cycle in early January. Not looking forward to lupron. I hate that stuff the most.

rockpaperlove · October 2013

I can completely understand where you are coming from and I think this is really exciting news. I am rooting for you now and always and I send my every best wish your direction for your upcoming cycle in early 2014. Endless hugs and good juju coming your way.

liz4paws · October 2013

I agree - I'm excited for you, even if it's hard to get hopeful and excited yourself - I totally understand that feeling. Big hugs, and welcome back. I've wondered how you've been! I really hope you get an amazing cycle and some amazing embryos. And yes, Lupron sucks a big one!

brooklynesque · October 2013

Yaaaay! McIrish, when I saw you posting a bit more regularly lately I thought to myself that you might be regrouping for another try. I'm glad you're trying again; I think you should have a better shot with DE before throwing in the towel. I'll be rooting for you all the way!

Sophistikitty · October 2013

HUGE HUGS!!!! I am so happy to see you back! It hasn't been the same without you around here. I completely think you are doing the right thing. I know what it is like to question and blame your clinic. Our clinic made huge mistakes with our fresh cycle and their frozen stats are less than stellar so we have decided to change clinics and give it one more try . I am hoping we will be able to cycle in January but it may be later. Either way you will definitely have a cheerleader in your corner!

Crystal120410 · October 2013

Yay! I'm so happy y'all are going to try again. Your not crazy for trying so don't think that way. Maybe y'all just needed a break and this will be the lucky one.

Km672 · October 2013

I have been waiting to hear this from you!!!

I totally get it, I really do, but I can't help but be a little (ok, a lot) excited for you!!

Best of luck! We may be going the frozen egg route this winter too.

zazu13 · October 2013

***PAIF***

I am so glad to hear you are able to try again. I pray that 2014 and a better clinic will bring you much happiness.

PrettyAccountant · October 2013

McIrish - I am so happy to hear you are back (we have missed you sooooo much). I completely understand your need to try something else and to NOT tell anyone. Heck, I am the one who didn't tell anyone IRL that I was pg until I was 30 weeks along - I couldn't handle the questions, comments and whatever else they had to say - needless to say, no one knew we had cycled again.
I completely agree with your decision to try a new clinic (that is what we did). Over the past year, you have mentioned more than once how unhappy you were with your clinic and you considered them sub-par and that is even mentioning the mistakes that were made. I understand staying with a clinic for financial reasons (we did that for our first 3 cycles) - our move costed us an additional 15,000 for the cycle (but clearly it was well worth it).
While I pray for every woman on this board to realize their dream of a family, there are a few (yourself included) that I feel extra close with that I would probably cry in happiness to hear they are pg and get their take home baby.
I really hope and pray 2014 brings you all (and more) of the happiness you deserve.
Huge hugs and lots of love
Rachel

J&D2007 · October 2013

Yay! So happy to see you're back in the game again! It's so hard to leave it be when you aren't sure if it would've changed things if you went somewhere else. There is no reason in the world why this can't work for you and I'm excited to follow your journey again!

BzeetyD · October 2013

I'm glad to see that you're back on the train. I SO hope that things work out for you. I agree that you got a bad deal, especially this last time.

Are you looking at a different clinic? Different donor pool?

Anyways, wishing you much hope and success.

Mrs.McIrish · October 2013

BzeetyD said:

I'm glad to see that you're back on the train. I SO hope that things work out for you. I agree that you got a bad deal, especially this last time.

Are you looking at a different clinic? Different donor pool?

Anyways, wishing you much hope and success.

Yes, different clinic. Traveling to RBA in Atlanta for their frozen egg bank.

Lacyj67 · October 2013

That's great! I agree that being cfnbc would be a very hard decision and that changing your mind is completely OK to do and give it another go especially if you were doubting your clinic. Glad to see you back and trying again.
I remember first lurking on IF boards over two years ago and you were always posting and being so helpful with everyone's questions.... I learned alot from your responses back then! You of course were mostly on the IFV boards and I was just starting as a newbie on IF.(always lurked on IFV) Now here we are two years later about to both cycle together with DE in jan 2014! I hope we both have some good luck this time around. I keep telling myself that 2014 is going to be a great year to have a baby...(even though I have my moments of doubt)

DoublePortion · October 2013

I'm so happy you are giving it another shot and I truly hope it pays off in spades! Many T&Ps that you will find success with RBA!!!

kflynn81 · October 2013

I'm so happy for you and wish you the best of luck. All my thoughts and prayers are with you!!! It'll be nice to have you back around here

megs3084 · October 2013

So happy for you! Sending all my t&p your way!!

chucktgirl · October 2013

Mrs.McIrish, welcome back! It's so not funny, but I actually spurted out loud because I myself just came out of retirement as well! Just like you, being CFNBC did not go over very well with me. This time we are heading out of state to give it one more shot. I guess my feeling is that if I don't try "the best" then I will always blame myself for not giving it my all, similar to your thinking that you may have had a bad clinic or DE pool. I am having a hard time re-entering the "life" though. I hope you transition back into it better than I. It's crazy that I don't have a lot of hope for me, whereas I do for you! There's always that feeling of, well she *deserves* it, even though we all do, and success has absolutely nothing to do with who deserves it or not. In any case. I am excited to see you back, and look forward to cheering you on in your next step!

Snarling Fox · October 2013

**lurker butting in**

Hope you don't mind... but I've been following your story like a dirty stalker on TTC >35 and IF and IFV. Sending you huge internet stranger hugs for everything you've been through - you're an amazing and strong woman. I know you don't know me at all but I'm in Atlanta part time for work and if you should ever need anything while you're there (info, coffee, food recs.. anything) please let me know. Good luck with RBA - I didn't cycle there but I've heard it's a great place.

XV11Star · October 2013

Wow! Don't know what made me click on the "favorites" to come here tonight but I show up not expecting to even really recognize anyone anymore, and Iris has 2 baby girls and McIrish is giving it another go!!

I am so happy for you and completely and utterly understand the "craziness" of what ifs and the clinic issues, the whole thing... You so *deserve* to either have a baby to love or complete peace of mind, and I really am happy for you that you and your husband are going forward with this!!

I will be stalking regularly henceforth. The very best wishes to you!!!!!!!!!!!

PurpleIris30 · October 2013

Oh, I am so glad to see this! I hope with every fiber of my being that this is the answer for you. I've always been so upset for you on the quality of your donor cycles. Thinking of you always, even during your retirement.

owlprof · October 2013

I'm so excited for you, McIrish. I think about you lots and am glad that you are giving it another try. Your experience with the last couple of cycles seemed to be a terrible perfect storm of incompetent clinics and bad luck. Wishing you the very best!

(I hope I didn't offend any IFV-ers by butting in over here)

luvboston · October 2013

Mc I am so happy you are giving it another try, I had a feeling you would be back because your a fighter. Fx crossed that 2014 is your miracle year.

MrsNukem · October 2013

McIrish, I was so hoping it was you when I saw this post on my mobile. I wish you all the best and I hope 2014 is your year! I will be cheering you on as always.

Grateful&Thankful · October 2013

I don't know if I can post here but I just wanted to wish you good luck. I have followed your story for a long time. You have always been incredibly supportive. I pray that you have a good cycle and that you get your rainbow baby. GL to you!