Temper Tandrums

preggersINschool25 · September 2013

How do you diffuse a temper tandrum with a toddler who most likely understands nothing and has zero communication without just giving in? I don't know how to handle him or correctly parent him.

mightmom13 · September 2013

Have you tried signing at all? It got me through a lot with DD when she couldn't communicate verbally - even just the "no" sign with speaking "no" at the same time helped with basic infant-toddler range safety things. If you want you can even google "asl no" or asl with any sign you want to learn to learn some basics and incorporate them with your communication.

Baby Signing Time does wonders for kids of all abilities that I have seen and just repeats, repeats, repeats but with fun pictures and expressions. I know our library has some you can check out on DVD.

Either way they will pick up on giving in vs not giving in and tantrum/communicate to try and sway you their way, it is learned so try to not give in - I have gone through at least an hour of a tantrum during a session because PT lead her maybe 2 inches diagonally instead of her direction and we have come a long way with riding it out. Still have issues, but have come a long way - and honestly do not know where we would be (either of us) without signing. So that is my signing plug Good luck and feel free to email me or PM too with any mito questions - hope all else is going well!

preggersINschool25 · September 2013

I appreciate your reply. I don't think signing will work for is though because he won't use his arm or hands much. He keeps them in a high guard position probably 90 percent of the time. I don't know where his cognition is either. I'm not even sure he recognized his Grandma who sees him 5x a week. His tantrums are definitely toddler sized and over things that just irritate him. They will continue forever. Once he is worked up, he can't stop. Does anyone know of any resources I could use to help me with this in person?

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2013

Are they predictable in any way? I think really the only things you can do is being proactive about the trigger and redirecting to something desirable before he can get worked up. Does he like silly games like raspberries being blown on his belly? That might be something else to try as well.

ToastieSimons · September 2013

For is its about distraction and redirection. My boys are cognitively and physically delayed. I have no idea where they stand in actual terms of cognition and signing doesn't work for us, they can't even clap. If he tantrums because I take away something he can't have I redirect him by offering another toy or singing a song. I also try to verbally explain everything, I think it helps me keep calmer. I'll say, "I know you wanted that object but it could hurt you so we play with toys instead." I'll offer him a safe toy and start playing with it to engage him. It works pretty well. And sometimes, I let the tantrum run it's course. Unfortunately. I am pretty sure they're all out of frustration because he has no way to communicate what he wants. I just try to put myself in his shoes. How would it feel to be able to do nothing for yourself and no way to communicate your preferences? And sometimes I give in. It's hard to know what to do and when.

Soapstone · September 2013

I used a lot of distraction when my daughter was a baby. Because she's deaf and wouldn't look at me while crying I used tactile things, like putting her hands under running water, blowing a small fan in her face, using a tiny massager or unusual fabric on her hands. She also really loved those light spinner things. It didn't ways work but it somethimes made her forget that she was mad.

lopezalonso · October 2013

How old is your toddler? What sorts of situations immediately precede the tantrums?

Young children ~2-7 years are extremely reinforced by parent attention. Before s/he escalates you should turn your attention away and give it back when s/he does something appropriate and then immediately praise the positive behavior (differential attention). Try looking into differential attention, labeled praises, and antecedent control. These are the techniques we use with parents struggling with child disruptive behaviors. Clinical research on child behavior has proven them to be highly effective.

MirandaHobbes · October 2013

I feel like we merely endured those years DS was a toddler and unable to communicate or understand the point of discipline. Redirection was important. When DS was 2 he was fully committed to EI and they were big on the use of PECS cards. Our biggest thing was chores. We'd have to get groceries at Target and he'd start crying the minute we entered the parking lot. I could have just done shopping trips by myself, but in hindsight I'm glad we toughed it out. We tried the first Target card then Library or Happy Meal card or something so he understood that this was just temporary. This was marginally successful, but important for him to learn. To this day he grumbles about going to Target, but he knows it is a necessary evil. The rewards for a good trip were key, too. We did dum-dum suckers when DS was little. I had many people warn me that he was going to become addicted to them, but he didn't. He had such a strong oral fixation that if he had something in his mouth he could endure just about anything. (He also had a paci until he was almost 3.) Even today (he's 5) we let DS get a cookie at the end of the Target shopping trip if he behaves, or let him have time looking at toys. Someone on here once said that bribes or rewards are a part of life. I wouldn't go to work if I didn't have the reward of a paycheck. I'm glad we were eventually able to wean him off strictly "treats" as rewards- I realize it isn't an ideal situation. We amassed quite a collection of those spinners when DS was a toddler, too.

Also a shoutout for 1-2-3 magic- like above PP said, the concept of giving him a timeout was pretty worthless when he was very little and would only incite him further, but if I gave "myself" a time out (e.g. leave the room, end the activity, refuse to interact with whatever he was screaming about) it was like magic, he'd stop crying and be like, wait- where'd you go?!

Temper Tandrums

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